Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
- His smile
- His perfect eyebrows
- His soft hands
- His laugh
- His “Logan” giggle
- His voice. I love listening to him talk. Sometimes I get in trouble because I stop listening to his words and just listen to his voice and I can’t remember a single thing he just told me.
- His innocence
- The way he protests doing the dishes but does them anyway
- Post-Mono napping. If anything good can come from having mononucleosis then napping is one of them.
- The way he plays with my hair to make me fall asleep or comfort me, or sometimes he just does it and doesn’t realize he’s doing it, and that’s okay with me.
- He lets me sleep in on Saturday mornings
- He does the laundry
- He cleans the bathroom
- He kills the bugs for me. Not that I’m afraid of them, or that I can’t do it myself, it’s just nice when he does it for me.
- He is more patient then I am
- His understanding (most of the time) that naps are a priority
- Every song he sings or makes up includes my name
- Every song he tries to sing correctly ends up with “something something” in it
- His snoring. He doesn’t snore all the time, and he never believes me when I tell him he is, but sometimes he does
- Listening to him breathe in the dark
- When we lay in the dark and talking about nothing
- His night terrors. The range and variety of objects in his nightmares amuses me... I may not like them waking me up at 2:00 am, but really puppies with a snake for a leg there’s humor in that. These took a little getting used to after we got married, but now I can laugh about them as soon as he’s back to sleep and not screaming any more.
- His love of Science/Fantasy Fiction
- His love of Dungeons and Dragons. We don’t get to play very often anymore, if at all, because our group split up and/or moved away, but it was fun while it lasted.
- His dislike of yard work (I hate it too, but unfortunately it must be done)
- How he picked up “ooga-mooga” nose rubbing from me (Mr. Rogers/Daniel Tiger) a trait I plan on passing on to our children.
- His profile
- His hazel eyes
- How he rubs his unshaven chin on me just to get a reaction
- Surprise love notes in my email box
- Flowers for no other reason then that I am loved
- How my cats adore him and he hates them
- His “life mottos”. John’s mottos: “Everyone needs a motto”, “People Leave”, “Feelings get hurt”, “There is always room for chocolate” and I think there are more but neither of us can remember.
- His willingness to try something new
- His Kisses
- His ability to know when to just not try with me
- He holds me while I cry and doesn’t always try to fix the problem, sometimes he just tries to understand
- His constant worrying about everything. He inherited this from his mother’s side of the family (along with all his health problems but that’s a different topic)
- How he is jealous of everything that takes my time or attention – books, computers, games, people ... (yes, annoying, but loveable)
- He buys me books that I can’t read because if I start reading a book he begs for my attention. Sometimes I wonder why I want kids when I already have someone demanding my attention, but the answer to that is … as long as they’re as cute as John then that’s okay.
- His priesthood
- His testimony
- The fact that he served a mission and doesn’t think less of me for being one of “those” sister missionaries
- We’re together for rest of eternity. I am forever grateful for our temple marriage.
- His fake mockery of my love of the 80’s when I know deep down he loves it too.
- His giant bear feet slippers
- His obsession with plucking his uni-brow hairs
- His collection of super hero shirts
- His desire/need to be accepted
- His frustration with video games that prompted the rule of: “if you’re swearing at a video game it’s time to turn it off.”
- How he can never just play a video game, he always needs to find the cheat codes or buy the manual as soon as possible so he can just beat it.
- Butterfly kisses
- Back when we were just friends he would sing the song “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” by Frankie Valli because it made me giggle and blush (and I was madly in love with him but he was dating someone else.)
- How when he talks about boilers and water heaters he sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.
- How we used to lay on his parent’s front lawn and talk about everything from socks to sex and it was all okay with us.
- Comic books
- His friends. When I married him (and before) I knew that being with him meant being with them. He’s a package deal.
- He’s the go to guy. John is the hub of his friends wheel of life he would often get calls of “what are you doing this weekend” or “what movie showing are you going to” or “we’re all coming to your house for XXX Holiday” but like I said before, marrying him I married his friends.
- Disneyland. He took me to the happiest place on earth, but it was even better because I was with him.
- His optimism
- His love of cartoons. Our kids will never be lacking for a good kid show to watch because John has already bought most of what we loved as kids.
- His over active conscience (he has enough for both of us)
- His overactive imagination (again, he has enough for both of us)
- His desire to learn, but not necessarily “book learning”
- His partial disinterest in sports. He doesn’t care about sports enough to keep me happy, but on the other hand he cares enough to keep others happy too.
- Listening to his “old guy” stories from work
- How when he was 18 and I was 19 we went swimming with his girlfriend at her uncle’s house and when I complained about how I looked in a bathing suit he said “its okay, I’d rather see you naked.” I was shocked and a little embarrassed, but the little bit of me that wanted him cheered because that sounded to me like I was winning.
- How he’ll have ice cream for dinner with me and not complain one bit
- He hates animals but lets me have them because I love them and he loves me
- How he takes everything my mother says with a grain of salt and always provides the perfect response
- How he listens to my father’s stories because all his children “stopped listening a long time ago”
- How useless information collects in his brain to spout forth at any given moment … movie quotes, LDS trivia, information regarding documentaries that I turn on and then fall asleep through (ask about UHF sometime or The Lord of the Rings)
- When he sets his mind to do something he does what he can to accomplish that goal
- His inner monologue. This was gone for a time when he came home from his mission and he said all sorts of things that shouldn’t come out of people’s mouths, but he has control of that now … for the most part.
- If you are what you eat then John’s definition of chocolate and himself is “short sweet and better then sex”
- He indulges me with socks
- He honors his mother and father, and mine
- On our first “real date” we went to the HORDE Festival to see the Barenaked Ladies, Fastball and The Blues Traveler with Andrea and Mike McAlister. We had fun and were sitting down the hill from them and periodically through the evening Andrea would throw condoms at us … but the real reason why this is on my list of why I love John is because that is the night he first held my hand AND he had to spend time with my family and he didn’t run screaming.
- How no short shopping trip is never short when he is with me.
- Sometimes after a long horrible day he’ll offer to run me a hot bath so I can soak and read and be away from the world
- He is a blank page when it comes to musicals. He hasn’t seen many so anything I present to him is new and he usually likes it.
- He enjoys Shakespeare. His family would go to the Shakespearian festival every year when he was younger so he can’t be put on the “Uncultured Swine” list.
- He is a movie fanatic. We have see almost every movie we have wanted to see on opening day… even if we had to stand in line for 8-10 hours for it. We think we may be getting to old for that so we are now thankful for reserved seating theaters.
- We make more trips to the toy store then most people who do have kids
- His dislike of blogging. He does this to humor me, but he really does hate it. And then he goes to all the trouble of posting and then complains that no one comments …. I find this funny and endearing and I don’t make him do it most of the time. He could delete his blog at any time, but he hasn’t yet.
- He looks really good when he gets all dressed up
- His patience with my taste in furniture. For most of our married life it’s been the orange 70’s furniture but we’re trying to transition out of that, but every couch I pick or painting I like he hates, but he’ll let me have it because I like it. As anyone who has been to our house can tell we have yet to compromise on this topic.
- His theory of “Buy Two” one to play with and one to keep in its package to sell someday for lots and lots of money.
- He is humble
- He is devoted
- He never sleeps. He is an insomniac and I will often wake up at 3:00 am and find him missing. He’s usually playing video games on the other side of the house so he won’t wake me. Why do I love this? Sometimes when he’s not sleeping he writes me love notes for me to find in my email at work the next morning or a text message on my phone.
- His excitement over new toys or video games
- His desire to extend his weekends by staying up as late as possible and getting up really early. Sadly, I don’t always do this with him anymore, but I think it’s cute.
- All the reasons why he says “I knew I married you for a reason” … too many to share.
- Our Songs: Somebody – Depeche Mode and, Can’t Take My Eyes off of You –Frankie Valli both are songs that he would sing to be before we were married or even dating.
- How once upon a time him and his friends bought me a gift card for my birthday and then told me how to spend it.
- He drives to fast if the James Bond theme is playing in the car
- He is willing to do what is needed
- He is so bright and chipper in the morning. This actually really annoys me, and he knows it, however it’s all him and I would miss it if her were gone.
- He hates school, but he goes because he knows it will make our life better
- He loves me despite all of my flaws
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Elizabeth Pears 1999
I see his eyes smiling at me
from a picture on the wall
Seeming to know me…
To know it all
The mistakes I have made
sometimes make him frown
But I know his arms will comfort me
When it seems no one else is around.
My cares seem less pressing
My life seems less hard.
His voice I’ve never heard
But I already know the sound
Lovingly guiding me
And showing me the way.
Friday, April 25, 2008
(Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Sunday Will Come," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 30)
The Perfect drug...
I was laying on my bed one day, sleeping (as usual), when I was suddenly awoken by a giant praying mantis that ambushed me and dragged me down kicking and screaming into the underworld that is inhabited by fiery beasts that stole my soul and took possession of my helpless body. The beast named Tomastis planned to take over my body and use my human form to destroy the universe. My soul was then forced to live in a jar no bigger then a shot glass (it was either that or have my soul eaten by Marilyn Manson...) With such peril threatening the fate of all mankind I had to come up with something... FAST. As I devised my plan, it came to mind that I must steal my captors body in order to make my escape quicker, and hopefully allow me to get out unnoticed. It took weeks for me to seduce the keeper of the jar into letting me out so I could show him a magic trick and my relentless pleas were not in vain, he soon released me from the urn of my imprisonment spurred by the pure curiosity of learning the magic of my world. I began the mesmerizing feat of the disappearing quarter, and by telling him the quarter was in his ear, I was successfully able to grab his head and beat it against the wall causing him to loose consciousness. To assure that I wouldn't be caught, I fed his soul to the satanistic beings who cried out in need of the life renewing souls, which only one of the living could give. I took strange pleasure in flinging that poor soul to its destruction and all while laughing the uncontrollable laugh of a mad man. As I walked away from the pit of Hell, I stepped into a large puddle of radioactive slime, causing me to gain super human powers and strength. The force caused by the sudden transfer of energy knocked me to the floor in a daze. It seemed like hours before I was able to stand up without being overcome by the psychic visions that paralyzed my brain. Still weak and unsteady I worked my way towards a light in the distance, but was stopped by a huge army of demons. It seemed that my adventure had come to an end. There was no hope for the universe now... so I fell to my knees and let them attack.... However, thanks to my newly acquired super powers I was unharmed and able to fight my way free using the lightning that came from my fingertips. I was able to destroy most of them, and the ones I didn't destroy, escaped and fled back to where they had come from. I was stunned by the electricity that I could feel flowing through my body, and decided to see what, if anything, I could do other then shoot hell fire from my fingers. The more I searched within myself I found that I also had the ability to disappear and to fly, all this combined with my super human strength made me indestructible... As interesting as it was learning of my abilities, I had to save the universe. I proceeded on my journey and finally made it to the light and discovered a rip in the interdimensional time continuum. This was my chance to escape, and I took it. But alack alack, I was too late. The beasts had already taken over my life and the world was much altered from the way I remembered it. My family had all been captured and were set in jars over the mantel of the fireplace. Tomastis had removed all of the furniture from the house in order to set up headquarters. Everything had changed. It was then that I confronted my body in the hopes of peace, but was soon drawn into mortal combat, no rules, just my body against my soul...........
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Once upon a time an old friend of mine met me in the grocery store and related to me this little story.... A friend of ours... we'll call him Bob.... was out walking one day when he was suddenly stopped by a bright beam of light appearing in the sky above him and was frozen into place as he watched as what seemed like hundreds of bodies fell from with in the beam and landed in a bloody sprawling mass in front of him. And as you can probably guess he was paralyzed with fear so his attempts to run were futile...... The light seemed to get brighter for a moment and from within it came a figure of a exceeding tall man, or something in the shape of a man, and with a voice that came clearly in to his subconscious mind he was warned...... "We're coming for you... ALL OF YOU.... The Echo People WILL rule again!!" and then it all suddenly disappeared as quickly as it had come... bodies and all. All that was left of the encounter was a huge puddle of blood and the sound of Mephistophelean laughter ringing through his head that won't go away. The poor man has been taken away to a sanitarium over this... What do you think that means? The echo people will rule again?
Thursday seemed like a very long day ... I was late coming back from lunch so I had to be late leaving in the afternoon so we ended up in the middle of rush hour traffic heading south which didn't clear up until we were south of Provo. Ugh! I hate Utah County. but after that point the drive wasn't so bad. I do need to complain about the FM Receiver I bought for my iPod .... it only worked between Spanish Fork and Manti - even though the website said that there are stations all over that you can use for it. That's a lie and I feel ripped off.
Half way there I realized that I forgot our camera - Did I need my camera? Not really, but I always like taking pictures on our random road trips. So when we got to Ephraim we stopped at Wal-Mart and bought some disposable cameras and Marvel Alliance for John's Wii.
We finally got to Manti around 6:00 pm and made our way to the Bed & Breakfast that we were supposed to be staying in with the family but no one was there, and all the doors were locked so we couldn't get in. No sooner did we pull away for the B&B then we got a call stating that the grooms brother had checked in and locked up on his way out and they were all in Castledale another 2 hour drive from Manti and wouldn't be getting back until 10 ... isn't that just nice.
Everything in Manti closes at like 5:00 so there was NOTHING to do. All the tourist spots were closed. All the stores were closed. All the restaurants were closed - except for one where we ended up for dinner with hamburgers and greasy fries.
There are 2 hotels in town. One little run down hut that was offering rooms with cable for $28.00 a night and the other nicer looking one that was the Manti Country Village Motel "C.T.R." - well this motel still not up to Holiday Inn standards was where we ended up staying for the low rate of $66.15 for a room with one queen bed and a TV that was older then I am and only 2 pillows. This hotel did have cable though, and Wi-Fi so john surfed channels while I responded to email and played on FaceBook for a few minutes.
Friday we woke up at 7. It was nice to sleep in a little. The wedding was at 9 am so we had to be at the Temple by 8:30. John and I are used to waking up at 5:30 and being ready and out the door by 6 so today like any other day we were dressed, ready and out the door by 7:30 without even realizing it. We grabbed our continental breakfast from the lobby and got to the temple with 45 minutes to spare ... So we sat in the car for a half hour eating our muffins and talking for a while. Finally at 8:15 we decided that we could go in and wait. So we did. Kyle's Dad showed up with his grandma right about that time, and his friend Matt and his wife also got there at the same time that we did so we weren't as early as we thought we were going to be.
The ceremony was really short. The sealer wasn't as long winded as other's I have heard, but it was all very good. We were out of the temple and on the the picture taking by about 9:45. We hung out for pictures. I look like I dork in all of them because my transition lenses were dark so I look like I'm wearing my sunglasses in all of the photos we were in. That's really classy. http://picasaweb.google.com/eggs447/EgglestonWedding
We hung out until about 10:30 when the pictures were getting to the finished point and we headed home.
We had plans to go to an indoor football game Friday night and we wanted to get home and have a nap before we were off again. We got home around 1:20 and so I laid down for a nap and John put his new game in the Wii and that is how we spent our afternoon. Our friends had previously told John that they would meet us in SLC at 6 so we could park and have time to walk to the ESA and be in our seats before the game started.. so we went into SLC at 5 so we could have dinner and be ready to me them when the time come. I made a call at 6 to see where they were and they hadn't even left Clinton yet. So we went to the Church History Museum for a while to waste some time.
They finally came and it turns out that their baby-sitter was late so that threw everything off. We made it to the ESA just after kick off. The game was pretty good up until half time when the Blaze decided that they didn't want to play any more and they lost. That is the worst team I have ever had to watch.
After all that we finally got home around Midnight and went to sleep.
Saturday we stayed in bed until 10. I went grocery shopping and made crock pot stew. We went to Kyle and Jane's reception in Fruit Heights at 6:00 and we hung out for an hour waiting to see if anyone else would show up, but no one did so we were done and decided to go to Lari's house to see our Lucy and watch their video from their trip to the United Kingdom. That was fun. Lari is so funny she sounded like she had such a good time. I'm totally jealous and now I want to go on a trip too. Again we didn't get home until after 10:30 and we were tired so we went to bed.
Sunday ... hmmm Sunday.... well we didn't get up until after 10 again. After showering we decided that we didn't want to go to church so we got dressed in our jeans and went back to bed where we watched StarGate SG-1: Season 7 all day. Until of course I decided that it was nap time then I went to sleep and John played his video game again.
Yesterday also happened to be John's grandma's birthday so we went to her house and had dinner and hung out with the family for a while. When that was done we went back home and guess what we did ... I checked my email, posted a video, John wandered aimlessly until I was done and then we went back to bed. Well, I went to bed and read the end of The Magician's Nephew (which was a very good book) for a hour and then went to sleep... and John sat on the other side of the bed and played Marvel Alliance until midnight (or later.)
and now here we are, Monday morning again and another week a head of us.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The way you rock and roll
You make me dizzy, Miss Lizzy
When we do the stroll
Come on, Miss Lizzy
Love me before I grow too old
Come on, give me fever
Put your little hand in mine
You make me dizzy, dizzy Lizzy
Oh girl, you look so fine
Just a-rocking and a-rolling
Girl I said I wish you were mine
You make me dizzy, Miss Lizzy
When you call my name
Say you're driving me insane
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon baby
I want to be your lover man
Run and tell your mama
I want you to be my bride
Run and tell your brother
Baby, don't run and hide
You make me dizzy, Miss Lizzy
Girl I want to marry you
Come on, give me fever
Put your little hand in mine, girl
You make me dizzy, dizzy Lizzy
Girl, you look so fine
You're just a-rocking and a-rolling
Oh I said I wish you were mine
— C.S. Lewis
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Guess what wii found at the mall tonight. . . we are very excited. we were just walking through the mall and there was a little tiny sign on a Wii box at Game Stop that said "In Stock" so everything we were going to do got thrown out the window and we spent all our money in one place. . . plus some. But we have been looking for one anyway so it was a surprise to just come out of the blue like that.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone
For much too long
I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong
Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover
And the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster
'cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you
I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be
And it seems like there's no way out of this for me
I used to bring you sunshine
Now all I ever do is bring you down
How would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose
No there's no making sense of it
Every way I go I'm bound to lose
Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all
It'll drain the power that's in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you
Too much love will kill you
It'll make your life a lie
Yes, too much love will kill you
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
In the end...
In the end.
Why does it have to be so terrible?
I have absolutely no desire to work today ... much like any other day, but today just seems to be dragging on even though I have only been here for 45 minutes, and I have only had my eyes open for an hour. Ugh!
I should go to bed earlier.
We went to our friends house last night, and stayed to late, but Logan and Jenny are worth the time. Their daughter Sam just turned 16 and had gone on her first date on Saturday night. She was giddy about the date when we first got there, but shortly after we had settled in for the evening there was a knock at the door and low and behold it was the date from the night before bringing her ROSES! Wow, we were impressed, and Sam was shocked. She was absolutely speechless and nearly crying giddy school girl tears because a boy brought her flowers. He just wanted to thank her for the good time he'd had the night before.
Jenny and I were both very excited for her where John and Logan just mocked from the sidelines. MEN!
It was sweet. It reminded me of the time I was working at ZCMI and this random boy named John showed up with a dozen pink carnations for me. I was stunned and speechless and I even blushed because he was the first boy to ever do that for me. sigh. Boys are funny.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I really should just make it a rule that I should NEVER start reading a book series until it is COMPLETED. I have a bad habit of that. But I guess that August really isn't that far away now is it?
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Stupid unrequited high school love. There was one particular scene in the book near the end that was almost a mirror image of an experience I had - minus the Vampire/Werewolf bit - and it made me stop and think about HIM and a moment in time that I really have tried to forget.
I have loved three men in my life. One is gay, One married me, and One still holds a piece of my heart.
Funny even after I haven't seen him in 10 years he still holds that little piece of my heart that I can't seem to get back. I never did get to say goodbye when he abandoned me forever....
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Twilight opened a topic that I couldn't cover in just one post so I shall continue -
I got a pre-emptive notice regarding this book from my older sister-in-law. I thought it was too funny not to share:
"I read this book because (13 year-old) had been told it was such a GOOD book. She read it and really liked it. So then I read it and the rest of the ones in the series. As a mother I had a couple of "issues" with this book. It is very romantic and they talk a lot about being SO in love. I had to explain to her that men do not talk like that. Second of all, he should NOT be spending the night with her - even if nothing happened. Third of all, just because he is trapped in a 17 year old body, he is still 80+ years old. Why would he be so attracted to her? I enjoyed the book, but as a mature 40+ year old, I can see it for what it is - a fun, good read. I worry about all the young teen girls who read this and think this is what and how love is. I hope they have someone to help bring them down to earth. It would be nice if love were really that great and men expressed them selves so freely, and you could always feel that pitter-pat in your heart, but from my years of experience it's just not like that. Sorry to dash your hopes - maybe it's like that for you. Enjoy the book and the others that follow. It was a quick fun read, though."
She really is amusing, that sister-in-law of mine. She is so motherly sometimes that I just have to laugh -
I have a lot of retorts to that comment, but they're really not valid because I'm not reading the book as a mother seeing what my kids are reading, I'm just reading it for me and I'm sure if my daughter were reading this I'd think somewhere along the same lines.
I found that these books speak to that teenage heart hiding deep within my tainted by the real world exterior and I get great enjoyment out of going back to that part of me that I miss a great deal.
I relate to the main character in the story "Bella" she is an awkward teenager who doesn't always see herself as others see her and has a hard time seeing why "Edward" the drop dead gorgeous vampire would want anything to do with her. True, the boy I loved in high school wasn't a drop dead gorgeous vampire, but he was beautiful to me and took my silly teenage heart for granted and walked all over it, but that's enough about him for now.
So here I go on my views and a few things I would like to address:
“It is very romantic and they talk a lot about being SO in love. I had to explain to her that men do not talk like that.”
About this book being very romantic and all the talk about being SO in love - well - It's been a long time since she was a teenager and teenage life in the mid-80's was a different world from teenage life in the late 90's and the 2000's (if I'm wrong my older siblings can correct me.)
As a young teen girl that is "what and how love is". Saying "that's not love" is one thing, but to a teenager that is IT. I have volumes of poetry and stories that I have written on this exact topic. Go to any teenager and they probably have the same.
As a teenager I believe that we feel/felt things more deeply and experienced more in those few short lived years of our life the I think we ever will again. I loved more deeply/lustfully/openly/truly/vibrantly in my 3 years of high school then I have any day since then, and before anyone gets all offended I will clarify that REAL love, ETERNAL love and the SECURITY of love shared with a spouse or family or friends is completely different, but no less true or electric.
No, in real life men don't talk like that, but sometimes the men in our heads do. Who hasn't had a conversation with a man in their head and every word that came out of his mouth was sweet and romantic and full of feeling and truth? I'm sure most women have. Just because the men we are with on a daily basis don't talk like that it doesn't mean we don't want them to. :)
“Second of all, he should NOT be spending the night with her - even if nothing happened.”
The ways of LDS youth are not always the ways of the world, and just because the book was written by a former BYU student doesn't mean that the pages need to be dripping with gospel doctrine and perfect morals. That's Jack Weyland's job. She was writing a book for large publication where in a lot of places and to a lot of people this morality is the norm.
When I was 17 I spent the night with a boy - nothing happened, we shared a twin-sized bed at a sleep over where one of the only reasons I went was because it was his sister, at his house. Was it right? probably not. Did anything happen? he kissed me. Did my parents know? they do now. Do I feel guilty about it? no. Am I the only LDS girl who has ever done this? Absolutely not. Does that make a difference? no. Does this make me a bad person? No. Face it. Teenagers do things because we can and because we want to, not because our parents tell us to.
“Third of all, just because he is trapped in a 17 year old body, he is still 80+ years old. Why would he be so attracted to her?”
Yes, he's a vampire. Yes, he's 80 + years older then her, but is it more appropriate for that said vampire to date a 17 year old or should he bee looking to the older women in the 40 + still looking like a 17 year old? Just because he'll live forever doesn't make him any less needy then the rest of us and perhaps his body and his feelings are stuck in that perpetual 17 year old state. (why am I defending a fictional character?!)
It would be nice if love were really that great and men expressed themselves so freely, and you could always feel that pitter-pat in your heart, but from my years of experience it's just not like that.
Eventually we all grow up. Even though this book give the illusion of "what love is" and that teenage girls will believe it ... Eventually we all grow up. What is the harm in believing that maybe somewhere this kind of love is possible and that the person you choose to spend eternity with will love you deeply and electrically and unconditionally? Shouldn't that be how life is? That's how I love my soul mate, it's not always perfect, but it is deep and true and I hope it stays that way.
There are two things I "read" yesterday that were profoundly interesting to me -
First, I was listing to the Book of Mormon on my iPod while I worked yesterday. Admittedly, I don't think I have really even picked it up since I got home from my mission (except for the random scripture to read in church.) However I have lately been seeking for some guidance from somewhere, and what better place to start than at the beginning of what my faith is biased on.
As I listened I worked and would only tune in periodically and over the course of my morning I noticed something - I only seemed to tune in while Nephi or an Angel was rebuking Laman and Lemuel. For those of you who don't know, Laman and Lemuel are the rebellious older brother's of one of the prophets of the Book of Mormon. They were given spiritual gifts time and time again but they just didn't seem to get it or take it to heart. They would be rebuked and penitent for a little while, but then they would always fall back into the same pattern of being sloughful and would murmur against the plans and the will of God and would have to be brought down to repentance again.
Over the first Book of Nephi this was a standard pattern (well, throughout the entire Book of Mormon really) and like I said, this was what I tuned in to and I had to stop and think to myself "Am I being Laman and Lemuel? Am I denying the will of the Lord and being a "natural man" not willing to become what I need to be? Am I "kicking against the pricks"? (And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks. Acts 9:5)
1 Nephi 7:8-12
8: And now I, Nephi, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, therefore I spake unto them, saying, yea, even unto Laman and unto Lemuel: Behold ye are mine elder brethren, and how is it that ye are so hard in your hearts, and so blind in your minds, that ye have need that I, your younger brother, should speak unto you, yea, and set an example for you?
12: Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.
I should be a better person and perhaps what I tuned into is supposed to prick at my heart and my conscience to make be want to be a better person .... I guess there really is no perhaps about it.
Secondly - I have been reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. And I have to admit that I do like it even though my rebellious mind tell me to not like it because everyone is telling me that I would like it - The same as I had done with Weird Al and that I am currently doing with Harry Potter (I'm still not going to read those).
I was reading last night and came to a part of the book that truly related to me on a very personal level here is the excerpt:
I was reading last night and came to a part of the book that truly related to me on a very personal level here is the excerpt:
"And then, as the room went black, I was suddenly hyperaware that Edward was sitting less than an inch from me. I was stunned by the unexpected electricity that flowed through me, amazed that it was possible to be more aware of him than I already was. A crazy impulse to reach over and touch him, to stroke his perfect face just once in the darkness, nearly overwhelmed me. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, my hands balling into fists. I was losing my mind.
The opening credits began, lighting the room by a token amount. My eyes, of their own
accord, flickered to him. I smiled sheepishly as I realized his posture was identical to mine, fists clenched under his arms, right down to the eyes, peering sideways at me. He grinned back, his eyes somehow managing to smolder, even in the dark. I looked away before I could start hyperventilating. It was absolutely ridiculous that I should feel dizzy.
The hour seemed very long. I couldn't concentrate on the movie – I didn't even know what subject it was on. I tried unsuccessfully to relax, but the electric current that seemed to be originating from somewhere in his body never slackened. Occasionally I would permit myself a quick glance in his direction, but he never seemed to relax, either. The overpowering craving to touch him also refused to fade, and I crushed my fists safely against my ribs until my fingers were aching with the effort."
This statement, that feeling of electricity and need and the desire just to touch someone even though you shouldn't really does just belong to my John.
It was July 17, 1998 when this feeling first took a hold of me and I have been a slave to it ever since. It was the opening day of The Mask or Zorro. I was 19 years old. I sat on John's left, Gretchen sat to his right. The lights in the theater went down and then out of the blue I noticed his hand on his leg and I think for the first time in my life I NEEDED something/someone more then I thought possible.
I don't remember seeing the movie really I spent my time trying to not think these thoughts but his hand held my attention and I watched him for those 2 hours instead of Antonio Bandaras.... but he belonged to someone else at the time. I needed to touch him and to be with him and to have him for my own. From that moment on, it became a quest for me to obtain my desire.
He didn't return my feelings for him at this time so there was none of that mutual gawking during the movie. I adjusted my posture and turned away from him to try paying attention to the movie with my hands firmly clamped between my knees.
Over the years, I obtained my goal. I won the prize and now he belongs to me. Every now and then when I think of this instance I smile. I have wondered to myself periodically if it was just my irrational teenage heart making me want something I couldn't have. I have wondered if that is something that anyone else has felt and if that electric wanting is just something of fiction and romance novels.... Last night at 11:42 pm it came to me - If it wasn't a natural part of progression or such a common uncommon feeling why would so many people write about it and sing about it and would I be lying here next to the man I love if it wasn't real.
One cannot write about such things unless one has truly felt that feeling themselves. :) So to Stephanie Meyer today - Thank you for confirming my irrationalities and helping me to realize that my silliness really isn't that silly at all.