Saturday, January 30, 2010

Wow! What a year....

I know, it's only January....

This month has gone by so fast and has been filled with so much stuff that it feels like it's taken forever, and yet it was gone in the blink of an eye...

What have we been up to this month:

January 4th we had the gang over for Banana Splits and to enjoy the company of our friend Bryce who was out from Illinois for the holidays and we couldn't let a visit pass without a gathering. It was great to see everyone, and Banana Splits are always good. (It's got a banana in it doesn't that make it healthy??)

January 6-9th we had kids early every night. Lucy at 5:15 (John got to meet Ariane, Scott's girlfriend) on Wednesday. Thursday we had my adorable niece Matilda from 5:45 until her parents returned.... and Friday our good friends Logan and Jenny gave us Megan & Will to play with for the evening so they could paint the new house. It was so much fun having the kids, but by the end of the week I was tired. But, that doesn't mean I didn't love it! I'm just glad everyone loves and trusts us enough to give us their children.

January 11-12th These were 2 days I could have done without! I had to renew my Driver's License this year, and let me tell you what a fiasco THAT was. Ugh! I tried on the 11th to get it done, but the line at the DMV was so long and then I got to the front counter and found out that I needed my ORIGINAL birth Certificate, and not the certified copy that I had... so that upset me and sent me into tears for a large remainder of the evening. Then also on the night of the 11th we were going to dinner at my in-laws and smacked the garbage can with the passenger side mirror knocking it off of the car!! That just made for a super fun birthday dinner for me.
Then on the 12th I got up for work and decided that I'd rather go to the DMV when it opened at 7 am then to try and fight my way after work so we called in late to work and showed up at the DVM before it opened.... That's the way to go. I was done in 20 minutes. SO... a word of warning. If you have to renew your driver's license in the next five year you will need the following items. Your ORIGINAL birth certificate. Your Social Security Card. Your Drivers License. And 2 forms of address verification (ie bills that show you live where you live.) And go in the Morning. Otherwise it's a hellish nightmare that may never end.
January 13th was my 31st Birthday. And my Grandma McDermott's 88th. It passed by uneventfully, yet in a rage. I didn't have a party this year. I didn't feel like it. I did have a lot of people wish me a happy birthday, and I really appreciated all of them. The ladies at work gave me a card, and left a message for me on the white board. My darling husband sent be some beautiful roses and gave me a Sleeping Beauty version of Pretty Pretty Princess, as well as an awesome Maleficent statue that now lives in my living room. I also got to spend the evening watching my adorable Lucy - who, I might add, actually used my name and let me snuggle her. It was a good birthday. Then a few days afterwards we went out to lunch with a couple of our good friends and had a great time.

January 20th - Well, I haven't really discussed this too publicly for several reasons, but for now, to answer some questions, stop some nagging, give some understanding, and to just get it off my chest for a while I shall say this only once.... January 20th I went to my OB to see about why it has taken John and I nearly 4 years and I am still not pregnant. I had a Sonohystogram done (basically an ultrasound). We found out that both of my fallopian tubes are blocked because no air bubbles went through. She suggest that I go to the hospital and have them do a Hysterosalpingogram. This is where they fill the uterus and tubes with dye and take x-rays to see what's going on. This is NOT covered by my insurance and so I probably wont have it done because we cant afford it or if I do get it done it wont be for many many months... perhaps years. So no, there wont be any little John and Liz's running about anytime soon, so you can all just stop asking. It's hard news for a girl who has only ever wanted to be a mommy... and I'm tired of hearing that "It'll happen for you soon." So stop saying it because it hurts. You don't know how I feel, and unless you have had your own trouble conceiving you probably never will.

January 22nd there was a birthday party for my eldest brother Norm. He turned 40 on January 23rd. For some strange reason his turning 40 made me feel old. I know we all get older, but if Norm is 40 then that means I'm only 9 years from being 40 myself.

January 25th was our 8th Wedding Anniversary. We didn't buy each other presents (because we're taking a trip to Disneyland next month) but we did go out. We had dinner at the Olive Garden and then saw Disney's The Princess and the Frog. The movie was really cute, I loved the music and it did make me cry at one spot. I really liked it. :)

January 28th was my brother Ray's birthday. Since he lives in Tennessee there was no party for him, but I did remember and send him a text, and that's a lot for me, I'm usually a birthday forgetter.
These are my January Birthday Brothers

January 29th we went to a So I Married An Axe Murderer night at cousin Jennifer's house. Me & John, Devin & Rachel, Kira, Jennifer, Emily and Zach, and Melisa, Chris, Sage and Kade even showed up for a while. A good time was had by all with our homemade pizza, coke and a movie that we all love... Thanks for the cousin time, we needed it.

Now it's the end of the month again and it's time to move into February, the Month that has John's Birthday, Lucy's Birthday, Valentine's Day, and our trip to Disneyland with John's Parents, Scott and Lucy, and Scott's Parents... it'll just be a bushel of fun.

Monday, January 25, 2010

My head... The begging of Anna and Conor must stop....

“Do you remember Conor, when I first met you.” She sighed. “So young, with so much potential…. You certainly have grown into what I expected, although not with my guiding hand as an influence” She smiled as she stood, leaning forward to stroke the chalice she never removed her eyes from Conor. “I marked you as mine. Conor du’Ruan. You were meant for great things, but only at my side.” She shook her head as if chastising a wayward child.

“Peri nok avin coor” He voice like silk spun in Conor’s head as the magenta liquid spun in the chalice. Her finger drew a circle on the glass and as she drew her finger upwards the blood swirled and merged and danced around her finger tip. Raising her hand to the lip of the chalice a single drop of blood rose into the air and pulsed in an alternating beat from the rest it had left behind. He could feel it in his veins. That was his… That was him hovering there below Shevta’s hand.

“It has always been in my power to bring you back to me, had I chosen, However your experiences outside of my grasp has created a better man then it would have here. I like what you have become, and I choose to keep it now.”

Holding out a hand, palm up, a young serving girl gently placed in her hand a clear crystal attached to a thin silver chain.

“From this day, Conor du’Ruan. You are mine. Soul and body. Your will is mine. your thoughts are mine. Your heart is mine.”

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Yep. It not coming back to life.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Remind me to Never do that again!

Yesterday I had a Sonohystogram that my new OB suggested I have after my appointment back in December… and let me just tell you, it was horribly painful and disappointing experience.

Found out that both of my tubes are blocked because no air bubbles went through. :(

She did mention that they could have closed up due to spasms, but that she doubted it…. And then I thought – “Lady, It hurt like hell! I’d spasm and close up to if I could have!”

The procedure caused monster cramps for most of the afternoon and bleeding… I told my husband to remind me to NEVER do that again.

Her statement about the results were "Well, your tubes are blocked.  It looks like your only chance of getting pregnant is IVF" wow, no alternative suggestions, no kind word of encouragement... it feels like she just told me that I'm a total failure and you might as well just give up and play dead.

I've decided that I hate this new doctor I have chosen so I think I'm going to switch. She is very unfriendly when it comes to bedside manner and she was far from sympathetic when it came to both the pain and the results.

She did say that suggests that I go to the hospital and have them do a Hysterosalpingogram. This is where they fill the uterus and tubes with dye and take x-rays to see what's going on. This is NOT covered by my insurance and so I probably wont have it done unless it's magically under $300 but I doubt that. And if I do get it done it wont be for many months out.

I'm terribly sad about all this and feeling quite depressed today. I don't want to be the problem. I just want a baby of my own to hold and love and that looks like me.... and I don't want to pay a fortune to get it.

John doesn't need to have a Sperm Analysis now because blocked tubes is me and not him. He's happy he doesn't have to do it, but is sad for me.

To top it all off last week I found out that another one of my sister-in-laws is having another baby. This is her second since I really started TTC. This makes me so sad. So now I have 2 pregnant sister-in-law's that just stand as a reminder that I wont have a baby any time soon.

I was really okay with this yesterday, but today I just can’t seem to stop crying. I’ve been trying to just stay busy so I don’t have time to think about it, but there are those lulls when I have to wait for something to get done and the tears just come.


In other News …. Scott bought an engagement ring… He’s getting married again! I’m happy for him. I know that he and Arianne will be so happy together. And Lucy will love her new mommy. Above all else, we all just want Scott to be happy. And just so you know this news isn’t public yet so don’t tell anyone. Shhhh!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The 3 day weekend did it in... I wonder if it will come back from this.

Friday, January 15, 2010


I hate America Idol!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

This is how I'm feeling this week

Job 10:1 - My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.


It's my 31st Birthday... Who'd have ever thought I'd live this long.
here is a inspiring birthday quote for me:
Live long and prosper

Monday, January 11, 2010

Another year older... and wiser too?

Wednesday is my 31st Birthday. and I am so not excited. I think I may have hit my midlife crisis early because I feel the weight of the world and all the things I haven't done or wanted to do or need to do but nothing ever gets accomplished and I never seem to move forward with my life... Bah-humbug to my birthday this year. I'm sure the world is not as bad as I make it out to be.

One thing above all is bothering me this birthday week, more than others in the past, and that is the fact that my uncle has decided that for Grandma's birthday this year (We share a b-day) He is taking her to his house and ONLY her children are invited to come.  He's done this for the last 7 years or so and it makes me so mad that he is so selfish. What if I want to see MY grandmother on OUR birthday?! I have been viewing him as a big jerk the last few days since my mom told me that I wasn't invited. I came up with a slogan for this day many years ago that I have wanted to have put on a shirt for several years now - "It's my birthday too Damn it!!" It's bad enough that growing up we'd always go to grandma's house for the birthday and Grandma would tell me happy birthday and give me a present and then the rest of the family would come and wish grandma a happy birthday and shower her with love and gifts and acknowledge her... and I would sit in a corner with no more recognition for the evening that is was my birthday too.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my aunts and uncles and cousins, but I have always just wanted a little bit of acknowledgement on my birthday from those who I loved. I was having a birthday too, after all.
Then to top it all off, I got my treadmill last Monday. The Creator and our brother-in-law got it all set up, plugged it in, and..... NOTHING. The dumb thing doesn't even work. Now we are waiting for the company to send an entirely new electrical system to see if that will work. Its so frustrating to spend so much money on an object and not have it work. Grrrr. I have sat in my TV room all weekend just glaring at the stupid thing between running around like crazy, napping and farming on facebook. Ugh! Hopefully we'll get it up and running soon and I'll be more likely to drop some weight.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

reminders for myself

Important Dates to remember:
I got my first kiss from John on Tuesday August 14, 2001. (I also saw Disney's Atlantis at the Drive-In that night, it is currently one of my favorite movies.)
I got engaged on Thursday November 22, 2001. It was Thanksgiving.
Numbers to delete from my cell phone:
Lariann's Cell
Huppi @ home
Susan's Cell
Gardner's Parents
Gateway 8 Theater
Keith's Cell
Rachel's (NYS) Cell
Kyle @ Home
Email address to delete:

Saturday, January 2, 2010

My thoughts from 2009

Mythbusters is still the best TV show ever
I don't like Elvis
Milie Sirus is just a robot created by the Disney Imagineers
Gray hair can show up at 29
Blacking out makes for some good stories
When crazy, everything is "inappropriate"
There are good people still in the world
Blogs are nothing but trouble
I have a great family (includes In-Laws, cousins. etc, of course)
Funerals still suck
I hate cancer
I still love chocolate
Having a rare desies is both horrible and exciting
Las Vegas is a lot different then the last time I was there
U2 Rocks!!
I really don't mean to scare my wife
I still can't gamble
I am both sad and happy Robert Jordan is dead
I missed fishing
Rage, Hope, Will, Fear, and Death are cool
My favorite movies of 2009 were Star Trek and G.I. Joe
Family parties don't cause Dinosaur Flu
I miss "The Crash Test Dummies and Steven Page with BLN
Star Wars in Concert was Awesome
Steve Rogers is alive again
Bruce Wayne is dead
Mothers day will never be the same
I will always laugh at "but where are their feet?" when kids go to a viewing
Reading Harry Potter for the first time backwards is the only way to do it
Lady GaGa is a freak, but I still like her music