Monday, December 29, 2008


So do you want to hear my funny, confusing, depressing news for the week.... I know you do.
Tom called the other day to let me know that he was going to be a dad ... well, really his boyfriend donated so that their lesbian friends could get pregnant so as Tom puts it they will be the mommies and Tom and Cole will be the daddies. So it all comes down to even my gay friends can have a baby and I can't.

Debbie Nybo liked my shoes. :)

The cat trying to build with me.

The Golden Question

People have started asking me that question .... and thankfully this week it isn't "Why don't you have any kids?" No, the question that I am referring to is "What do you want for your Birthday?" Well, here is my answer:
Trek: A Nashville Tribute to the Pioneers (CD)
Reflections of Christ: Hymns of Our Savior (CD)
The Joseph Smith Papers, Journals, Vol. 1: 1832-1839 (Book)
Gladys Knight - One Voice (CD)
One Voice
I'm sure there is more I could come up with if I had time to make a real list, but these items are what I have on my I have wanted for a while list :)

Books for Christmas

All I Want for Christmas Is a Vampire 
by Kerrelyn Sparks
I laughed so hard when I opened this book on Christmas Eve. I said "Oh my gosh, you got me a smut novel" and my sister-in-law said "no I didn't" but upon closer inspection, yes, in fact she did buy me a smut novel.
This is the first I have read in many years and lets just say it reminded me of why I really don't read them. First of all it's about this Scottish vampire who is seeking true love, then you throw in a girl who is trying to prove that vampires exists in order to bust her best friend out of the mental institution that her crazy uncle put her in so he could inherit her 85 million dollars so she got a job working for the vampires in order to find her proof thus meeting the drop-dead gorgeous Scotsman... Add to that a shape shifting gay neighbor and some evil vampires and some sex and :POOF: you've got yourself the makings of a smut novel.
On the whole it's okay. I mean it can't have been that bad for me to have ready it completely in like 2 days because that hardly ever happens lately. And it made me laugh at how absurd the whole plot was, but for a romance novel I think it may have been one of the better ones I have read.
All I Want for Christmas Is a Vampire (Love At Stake Series, Book 5)

Thursday, December 25, 2008

A box of love! Thanks Dad!

Yay! Christmas!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Mmm. Cheesecake for breakfast. Merry Christmas to me.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Monday, December 22, 2008

What Dreams May Come

Such strangest dreams lately. These are the ones I remember, but the ones I don't remember were all very strange too, that much I do remember. Here are some that I do remember. Some have woken me up really angry in the mornings, and others I just have to sit back and think "hmmm?"
Last night I dreamed that I was married to Joey-Joe McIntyre and we had a beautiful little girl named Lizzie. We lived in this dumpy little apartment even though Joey is a Superstar. We kept having to go out and do TV spots and we were hosting someone's wedding. Guy Lombardi was there. (Okay so I don't really know what Guy Lombardi looks like but that was the guys name in my dream.) And he didn't like the way the wedding turned out so he was suing. That was pretty frustrating. What was also really frustrating to me in my dream was that the bathroom door at my house was only a half door, like the ones at the church library.  It was missing the top half so there was no privacy in my bathroom. I don't know why that bothered me so much in the dream, but it did.
The night before that I dreamed that I was still in High School and I had to find my last period class that I thought was seminary, but the teacher told me I didn't belong in his class. So I walked to the Auditorium and found John because he was in class over there and asked him where the baby was and he didn't know so after a while of sitting in class I remembered that Emily (that was the baby's name) was in the car and I needed to go get her. when I got to the car Emily was not in her car seat where I had left her, there was only an empty blanket so I franticly searched the back seat looking for her but she was no where to be found. I went to get in the drivers seat and there was a blanket bundled up on the seat so I moved it and there she was. She was such an adorable little girl who was all smiles and squeals to see me.
Then a few nights ago I dreamed that I was out shopping with my mother-in-law and everyone was so stupid and I was getting so angry at people and I was swearing at everyone "F" this and "F" that and "F" you ... and I rarely ever use that word. All I can think was that night my dreams were definitely influenced by watching Wanted before going to bed. Then to top it off I woke up angry.
Then another night last week, I again dreamed about my mother-in-law, but this time I had twin boys. Their names were Elliott and Edward. (I personally don't like either of those names.) But the babies kept being taken away from me but would periodically be brought back to me to be fed. Eventually in my dream though they weren't brought back to me so I started looking for them and asking people where they were but no one would tell me. Somewhere in the dream though I learned that my mother-in-law had taken the babies and left and that I would never see them again. I woke up very angry on this particular morning after.
Another day last week I dreamed that I still worked for my old boss from my last job who I didn't like very much. There was something going on at the company but Charlene was out of town and we needed her. So we convinced one of the other employees to dress up as Charlene and to get this particular client to do something for the company. This poor employee was none other then Elder Hagfelt from my mission who was such a sweet quite little guy. He made an excellent Charlene and I believe that we accomplished out task. Then John woke me up at 3 in the morning for some reason and when I went back to sleep it was an episode of Oprah where the topic of the show was men who dress as women to manipulate other men. Quite funny.


My sister's new baby Kira grace.

My newest niece

Kira Grace - 5lb 9oz 17 1/2 in. Born yesterday.

Friday, December 19, 2008

U2 News !!! Announces:
18.12.2008 // 
  //  No Line On The Horizon, the new studio album from U2, will be released on Monday 2nd March 2009.

Written and recorded in various locations, No Line On The Horizon is the group’s 12th studio album and is their first release since the 9 million selling album How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb, released in late 2004.

Sessions for No Line On The Horizon began last year in Fez, Morocco, continued in the band’s own studio in Dublin, before moving to New York’s Platinum Sound Recording Studios, and finally being completed at Olympic Studios in London.

The album calls on the production talents of long-time collaborators Brian Eno and Danny Lanois, with additional production by Steve Lillywhite.
Yay! A bright spot on the horizon (no pun intended)

Thursday, December 18, 2008


I hate people with Children.

Updates from the past...

Tuesday 09/30/2008:
So, What's Up?

With my best friend offering to do anything and my older sister offering me her eggs All I need to do is get John tested and we're good to go :)I start month 2 of Clomid today. woo hoo all aboard for another month of emotional roller coaster rides. John loves that. I have actually started charting my fertility with a website called which has been really interesting. I have learned all sorts of new and interesting things about my body functions that I have just never known before. And I also learned that I ovulate about 6 days later then I thought I was so it makes timing intercourse more useful when I actually KNOW when I'm fertile. So maybe between the two I can get what I want. If not my doctor wants John to come in for a sperm analysis before she'll give me more clomid. but then it goes to the fact that my CNM isn't a approved provider with our insurance so if I do get pregnant I have to switch doctors and I'm not really sure how to go about that because I really like Vivian. Should I tell her that I can't see her anymore or just switch doctors. I don't know.Anyway. No babies coming in June. My brother told John that he is expecting to see another baby in July (ours) because he did his duty for mom's "Christmas wish" and the rest of us failed. He even offered to draw us diagrams and get us an instruction manual if needed. Isn't he so helpful. anyway. that's my fertility story up to this point.

Thursday 11/13/2008:
Dear John

Dear John, Am I happy? Hmm that is a loaded question this week isn't it.
Over all, Yes I am happy. I have a wonderful husband, a job I like, 2 cats, families I love (in-laws included), a car that works, people that love me. My needs are taken care of. So yes, generally I am happy. But this week I have battling with depression that is just bringing me down.
Warning, stop reading if you are unprepared for what is causing my current bout of depression.
It's been festering for a few months and I think it's triggered by babies or the lack-there-of or the fact that I'll be 30 in 60 days and I feel like I have accomplished nothing of worth in the past 10 years. Or maybe the fact that I can't stand how stupid my sister is being and that both of them just need to get over it and move on apology or not. I hate having to get up and go to work every morning. I hate that I'm fat. I hate that no matter what I do I don't lose weight. I feel frumpy and ugly. I feel like I have nothing of value to talk to people about so I avoid conversations. I feel like I'm not smart enough or good enough and that I don't really belong anywhere. I hate people. I hate public places. I hate having to live up to everyone else's standards, and because I can't, I feel like a failure so I avoid eye contact so I don't have to acknowledge other people's judgment. I feel like I'm a failure in most everything I do. I feel completely abandoned and betrayed by the fact that the best friend I ever had has turned her back on me and blamed me for her problems when all I ever did was love her for who she was and wanted nothing but her happiness. I just want my best friend back because I'm too bitter and angry too go out and find a new one. I often feel that my brain is trapped inside a plastic helmet so everything is there and I can see it and once in a while I can touch it but for the most part everything is foggy and blurry and all my memories are vague and noncoprial to the point where it really doesn't seem like me at all and my past life is just a dream. I can remember being fun and active and talkative but it seems like that is another person that I never was. I hate admitting it to myself that I'm depressed because that makes me feel like less of a person too. Please don't tell me that it's okay and that you're the only friend I need and all your other usual attestations of how great and wonderful I am because that just invalidates my feelings and some days makes me feel worse because I don't feel like I'm all those things. I love you, and depression is just depression and I either need to be medicated (which I don't want to be) or just allowed to lay in bed for a few days with a blanket over my head and I'll be better on the other side of it.
So now that I've poured my heart out to you about what's really going on inside my head I want you to know that I think you're a wonderful husband and that you do so much for me and I love everything about you. You take very good care of me and I know how hard you are trying to be better and to be the husband that you think you should be and I love you for that and appreciate all your hard work. Thank you for loving me so much. I have been doing my best to be undepressed this last week to so that you could be unhappy and as you always tell me we both can't be unhappy at the same time.
I love you. I'm ending my novel here.

Friday 11/14/2008:

I understand the crazy hormones... that truly does suck. My brain has been very fuzzy this week as I'm trying to fight off a cold that is fighting back. I had 100mg Clomid this month and that has thrown me for a wild ride. Aside from the super hot flashes I have had a migraine since I finished my dose. And then on top of that I have family issues and sickness and it's all just combined to make me depressed. Ugh! I hate that. Then on top of all that it had been "Power Week" for the past 9 days but according to my temperatures I have not ovulated yet so we must continue and that is so not fun when one is sick and depressed. Who's stupid idea was this anyway?? oh that's right, mine. I have no one to blame but myself. Heck I'd like to accomplish something before I turn 30 in 59 days and I thought that being pregnant (at least) could be my accomplishment. After this month though my doctor refuses to give me more medication until I go in to see her AND get john's sperm analyzed but sadly neither of us want to go in. When I go in she's just going to refer me to a Fertility Specialist which my insurance DOES NOT cover and the fertility specialist will tell me to start temping and run a series of stupid tests that I believe have already been done and that is just a waste of energy for me. Bleh. Maybe I don't want kids after all. They're too much of a bother. If it's this hard to get one when the crack whore down the street can pop 'em out like bunnies maybe I'm just not meant to have any. Okay, this has turned into a depressive rant so I'll stop now. Like I said, I'm sick and depressed and I'm never fun like this.

Tuesday 12/09/2008:

I'm 24 days past ovulation and haven't had my period yet and am not pregnant so I am currently on a progesterone supplement and then once my period comes I have one more month of 100mg clomid before I have to go see an actual OB/GYN since my current doctor is only a Midwife. So no babies for liz :(I had never really thought that this would be such a struggle, but it's wearing on me. Maybe if I could just accept the fact that that John and I may never have kids I'd just end up pregnant. But being a mom is the only thing I have ever wanted to do in my life and it's hard letting go of my one life's wish. Bleh.

Tuesday 12/16/2008:
Another One Rides the Bus

My sister-in-law scheduled the birth of her first baby for next Tuesday. I am so done with her being pregnant. She is the most whinny pregnant woman I think I have EVER met. All I have heard for the last nine months is how miserable she is and how horrible it is to be pregnant. My personal favorite is when she turns to me and says "when you are pregnant you are going to be so miserable" or "When you're pregnant you'll ... " blah blah blah. How the hell does she know how I'll be when I'm pregnant or how I'LL feel when I'm pregnant. I hate how she is the authority on all things pregnancy now that she has carried ONE baby. I can't wait to see the nervous break down she has after having the baby and realizing that pregnancy was probably the easy part.Aside from her whining about not doing anything because "I might go into labor" I'm so sick of how she just happens to rub in the fact that she no longer has to work and that she gets to be a stay at home mom and how great and wonderful she is and how perfect she is. Arrrrgh! And I thought it was just annoying when she just rubbed in the things she had that we didn't and now it's rubbing in that she has a baby and I don't. I am so sick of her.Somewhere deep inside me I want to be so happy for her and I want to be joyous and share in her baby and my new niece, but I'm really just full of rage mixed with a large helping of -I Don't Care Anymore- My 30th birthday is in 27 days and I am so sad that I haven't had the chance to be a mommy yet and I hate the pills and the waiting and all the stress and tears. I would just like to start my family and get on with the rest of my life. Here I am 51 days since my last period and frustrated as Hell that I have no pregnancy and no period ... but wait, I'm finally spotting so maybe AF will pop by for a visit in a few days. Then it's time to start again.

Why this blog?

I just wanted something I could rage on that wasn't so public and where I think it would be okay to tell it how it is. Ugh!

I found this notice on my desk this morning:

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil; The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

This Amused Me

Tip # 8 reminded me of my brother-in-law Scott. :) Merry Christmas!
Holiday Eating Tips:

1.  Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 
2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly.   It's rare.  You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.  It's a treat.  Enjoy it.  Have one for me.  Have two.   It's later than you think. It's Christmas! 
3.   If something comes with gravy, use it  That's the whole point of gravy.  Gravy
does not stand alone. Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat. 
4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5.    Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello? 
6.   Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7.   If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 
8.  Same for pies.  Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each.  Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.   When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day? 
9. Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards.
10.  One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from
the table, you haven't been paying attention.  Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Friday, December 12, 2008

One of these things doesn't belong.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

13 days until Christmas

Dear Santa,
The following is a list of items I'd like to have magically appear beneath my Christmas tree this year. It's okay if you leave them at my mom's house too, she knows where I live. I do however realize that the recession may be hitting the north Pole too, but I believe that the Magic of Christmas is really what builds what we want and not really the money that it says they cost in the store. That said, here is my list.
Thanks Santa, and have a safe flight.

I'd like a nice armoire for the second bedroom. Since there is no closet in there I'd like the extra storage.

I'd like a fancy iHome. This would have been handy last week at john's work party where the only Christmas CD was MP3's only and wouldn't play in a standard CD player. If only I'd had this I could have pull out my iPod and saved the day.

8G iPod Nano 4th Generation. Purple is nice, but I'd really like a Red one. My current iPod is only 4G and I'd like the extra memory.
8771947 Front Detail

I'd like a pair of these Doc Martin shoes. Size UK 6 please.

Two Tickets to Wicked please. Any Night. If I had tickets I'd go.

I'd like my very own robot companion to do my work for me. It needs to be fully functional with a good typing skills and organization. Important: Must be destructible just in case something goes wrong.

One of these would be nice too, but I'd like one of my own so don't go stealing someone else's just to put it under my tree. Most mothers frown on that.

or, I could just settle for one of these:

Mmmm. Breakfast.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Today's Capricorn Horoscope:

Dec 08, 2008

Emotionally you should be feeling strong today, dear Capricorn, although you may find that there is an idea running through your head that is asking you to slow down and take things one step at a time. The internal dialogue could drive you crazy if you are not careful. The most important thing for you to do at this time is simply to follow your heart. Do what you love to do, and associate yourself with the people you love and respect the most.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Mine ornament

Liz's ornament

Liz getting out the ornaments for the christmas tree.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

ha ha

Don't touch my laundry!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Today's Capricorn Horoscope:

Dec 05, 2008

A group with which you are associated could bring information to your attention that puts you in a very positive frame of mind and almost has you skipping all the way home. You should enjoy socializing today, dear Capricorn, as you are even more gregarious than usual and both old and new friends could seek out your company. A victory of some kind has come your way, which contributes to your great mood. Enjoy your day.



If I was to bring up a law suite regarding my inability to drive into work due to the detrimental nature of my commute who would I sue? The state? UDOT? Highway Patrol? or do I take down every license plate number that nearly kills me and sue them all as individuals? There is something to ponder.


This morning driving into work the average speed through Davis County was between 75 – 80 Miles Per Hour. And apparently the HOV Lane is not a car pool lane like we have all been led to believe, it’s the “SUPER PASSING LANE!” that anyone can use.


What has gotten me on this topic this morning??


Well, let me tell you about our drive to work this morning. Heading southbound on I-15 through Davis county, between Kaysville and Centerville, my husband and I merged into the HOV lane going about 75-80 mph. (Mind you, the posted speed limit is only 65.) We were driving along keeping up with traffic when behind us comes roaring up a large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC approaching as close to our back end as possible while swerving back and forth in an attempt to get us to move. Well, Double White Lines on the HOV Lane restrict people from crossing. It is Illegal. Well this large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC apparently hasn’t heard that or that the speed Limit is only 65 and in morning traffic 80 is a reasonable speed (not really in my opinion but…) Well apparently we were just pissing him off because he turned on his brights. And I’m not saying he flashed his brights at us - He TURNED ON his brights and left them on for a like a minute. Because Blinding other drivers is apparently a good idea while driving at high speeds. Yeah, really grown up. REALLY?! After he finally turned off his brights he again flashed us several times but excuse me, there were still TWO SOLID WHITE LINES which in my learning is ILLEGAL to cross.


When the HOV lane finally broke to allow passing, before John to move over, Dumb Ass in his large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC flies into the other lane and then cuts back in front of us narrowly missing the front end front end of our car. THEN, he slams on his breaks.


Side note: People don’t realize that if they are playing the “who values their car more game” John and I would just love to have someone hit us to take this current problem off our hands.




Finally having the ability to move into the other lane John speeds back up to traffic and again, Dumb Ass in his large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC pulls up beside us and not only swerves towards us, but the passenger shines a flashlight out the window into John’s face, and again I say: Because BLINDING other drivers is apparently a good idea while driving at high speeds. He does this for several minutes and John slowed down a bit just to let the Ass in the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC pass but that apparently wasn’t good enough for the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC so he would slow down or speed up to match our speed.


This is where I had it. I wrote down the morons Utah License Plate # A20 6AC and description of the truck and called the Utah Highway Patrol. I honestly think the Dispatcher on the phone was just patronizing me, but she said she put a bulletin out on the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC for Reckless Driving, and IF they could catch him they’d give me a call.


I honestly have no faith in the UHP. The last Trooper we had to deal with was such a jerk to my husband and treated us like criminals when we were the MIDDLE car in an accident. I hate them and hope that I never have to deal with another.


I don’t think any UHP officer is going to even try to locate the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC and give it a citation for trying to kill me this morning.  Where are they in Davis county anyway when I can’t even drive home from work unless I’m going 85+ mph just so I don’t get run down. No one is being ticketed. No one is being pulled over. And VERY RARELY do I ever even see a Marked car patrolling the area. And lets not even start on the fact that the “off duty officers” are just as bad as everyone else.


Maybe (and that’s a big maybe) if the UHP would crack down and pull over EVERY possible person they could more people would be a little more considerate and try to slow down a little. Sure, it took me getting 6 speeding tickets to get it through my head, but sometimes it takes more then once.


So if anyone comes across a large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC feel free to run them off the road for me, they probably deserve it.


John should have just slammed on his breaks that way he would have been ticketed we could have gotten a new car, and I’d get retribution for someone really pissing me off this morning.



Helpful information – These Phone #’s are now stored in my phone for future use, maybe you should put them in yours too:


UHP Dispatch Salt Lake City:               801-877-9800

UHP Dispatch Davis County:                801-447-8120

UHP Dispatch Weber County:              801-393-1136



Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Merry Christmas!

If only I can remember the TRUE meaning of the season I might just get through this...

Another day another book

Brisingr (Inheritance Cycle - Book 3) by Christopher Paolini

How did I like the book? Meh.

I don't like the author, but the story itself is good. There is so much I could complain about this book but I wont... or if I do I'll do it at a later date.

I’ll just say this:
I wish my parents owned their own publishing company so I could publish crap too.

I think I'll scream if I have to see the word Impregnate or Gore again. Please. Mr. Paolini... Don't use your thesaurus so much OR at least use a different word. Just use words that us stupid people can understand.

Other words he could have used instead of Impregnate and or Impregnable

and really!? Does EVERYTHING have to be covered in gore? How about just plain old blood or flesh wound … anything.

The switching between character point of view didn’t really get on my nerves until the end of the book with Orimis and his dragon. Bleh. Just get it over with already.

And Christopher Paolini has apparently never had to deal with a pregnant woman to see how quickly Katrina’s pregnancy is progressing. It seemed to me like the entire book took just over a few weeks from the beginning to end. Not many women I know know they’re pregnant 3 days after the fact and even less who have expanding waist lines within the first three weeks. Ack!

It's just one of those series' that I have to finish like it or not. Ugh!

Monday, December 1, 2008

My elbow. That'll teach me not to play foot ball.