Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Today's Capricorn Horoscope:

May 27, 2009

You can't help but feeling that the day ahead will be promising. Trust your intuition, dear Capricorn. Of course, you shouldn't expect miracles. A single day won't suffice to settle all your problems, whether they be emotional, academic, or professional. No, the day ahead merely provides some much-needed relief, a breath of fresh air meant to restore your energy and optimism. How welcome right now!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Ruler of the empty laundry baskets.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Tips for Recovering From Depression
If you’ve had depression, you know how hopeless you can feel. It’s important to get professional treatment. But there are things you can do to help ease symptoms of depression. Exercise, changing your diet, and even playing with a pet can help improve your mood.

Let Your Pet Nuzzle Blues Away
Sometimes your pet really can be your best friend -- and that’s good therapy. When you play with your pet, you take your mind off your own problems. Also, when you take care of your pet you’re fulfilling a commitment to something outside yourself. Caring for others can be very therapeutic.

Eat Smart to Lift Mind and Body
There’s a connection between mind and body. A healthy diet not only fuels your body, but it also helps you feel better. Watching calories is important. So is limiting fat and sugar. Build your diet around plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to help improve both your health and stabilize your mood.

Choose Foods to Boost Your Mood
Some studies suggest omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin B-12 may help ease mood changes such as depression. Fatty fish such as salmon, tuna, and mackerel contain omega-3 fatty acids. So do flaxseed, nuts, and dark green vegetables. Seafood and low-fat dairy products are good sources for B-12. Vegetarians who eat no meat or fish may take supplements.

Try Low-Fat Carbs for a Pick-Me-Up
Serotonin is a brain chemical that enhances your sense of well-being. Carbohydrates -- when eaten alone without protein -- raise the level of serotonin in your brain. Low-fat carbs such as a baked potato, graham crackers, or pasta without meat may help lift you out of a blue funk.

Drink Less Caffeine to Improve Mood
Do you really need that third cup of coffee? Anxiety is a common symptom of depression. And too much caffeine can make you nervous, jittery, or anxious. So cutting back on soda, coffee, tea, and chocolate can make a big difference in your mood. It can also help you sleep better at night.

Treat Your Aches and Pains
Chronic pain can cause depression, and depression can make pain worse. Work with your health care team to treat your depression and your pain.

Exercise to Change the Way You Feel
For some people, exercise works as well or even better than antidepressants. And you don’t have to run a marathon. Just take a walk with a friend. As time goes on, increase activity until you exercise on most days. You’ll feel better physically, sleep better at night, and feel less depressed.

Choose an Exercise You Enjoy
If you don’t like to run, you won’t last long training for the marathon. But you will stay with a moderate exercise you enjoy. For instance, try golfing without a cart, riding a bike, working in your garden, playing tennis, or swimming. The important thing is to pick something you like. Then you’ll look forward to it and feel better when you do it.

Exercise With Others for Support
Staying connected with other people helps overcome the lethargy, exhaustion, and loneliness of depression. Join an exercise group or exercise with a friend. You’ll stay connected. And you’ll have support to help you stay on track!

Be Sure You Get Enough Sunlight
Do you feel more depressed during darker, cold months? You may have seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. SAD is most common in the winter when there’s less sunlight. SAD is often treated with light therapy or exposure to artificial sunlight. Ask your doctor if light therapy is right for you.

Explore Your Creativity
Painting, photography, music, knitting, or writing in a journal: these are all ways people explore their feelings and express what’s on their mind. Being creative can help you feel better. The goal isn’t to create a masterpiece. Do something that gives you pleasure. It may help you better understand who you are and how you feel.

Make Time for Mindful Relaxation
Stress and anxiety can increase your depression symptoms and make it harder to recover. Learning to mentally relax can help restore a sense of calm and control. You might consider a yoga or meditation class. Or you could simply listen to soothing music while you take a long, hot bath.

Become Actively Involved
Being involved with others can help you regain a sense of purpose. And it doesn’t take much to get started. Try volunteering with a charity. Or join a discussion group at the library or at church. Meeting new people and doing new things will help you feel good about yourself.

Keep Friends and Family in Your Life
The people who love you want to support you. If you shut them out, they can’t. If you let them in, you’ll feel a lot better. Call a friend and go for a walk. Have a cup of coffee with your partner. You may find it helps to talk about your depression. It feels good to have someone listen.

Get the Healthy Sleep You Need
Depression interferes with healthy sleep. Some people with depression sleep too much. Others can’t fall asleep easily. As you recover from depression, relearn good sleep habits. Start by going to bed and getting up the same time each day. Use relaxation techniques to help fall asleep. Healthy sleep makes you feel better physically and mentally.

Avoid Alcohol and Drugs
Alcohol and drugs can slow or prevent recovery from depression. They can also make your depression worse and interfere with the medicines you take for depression. If you have a problem with substance abuse, ask for help now. You’ll have a far better chance of recovering from depression.

Continue Your Treatment
The steps outlined in these slides may help you feel positive about your life. But by themselves, they’re not enough. They won’t replace medical treatment or talk therapy. Depression is a serious illness, and it carries a risk of suicide. If you are thinking about suicide, seek help immediately. And never stop or change treatment without discussing it carefully with your doctor.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Bono the Wise

Jeremiah 33:3
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Bye Lari.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Today's Aquarius Horoscope:

May 14, 2009

Nobody's perfect, dear Aquarius, so there's no sense in trying to be. Even if you feel that something is pushing you to perfect certain aspects of your love life at the moment, remind yourself that sometimes doing too much can be as damaging as doing too little. It isn't necessary to have an overcharged schedule. Try and slow down the pace a bit, dear Aquarius. Your mind and body do have their limits.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

snips and snails and puppy dog tails

I got a text message from my Tommy today announcing the birth of a baby boy. His name is Zane Cole Stauss. 7 lbs 3oz 9.5 in born at 1:08 am today. He of course isn't Tom's baby, he belongs to a couple of their lesbian friends and his boyfriend Cole was the sperm donor.

While today I am happy for Tommy and his new family I am feeling a great loss again. I'm reminded that yet another Mother's day has passed me by with nothing in my arms and now the great void in my heart where Lariann should be.

Two people/things I don't have in my life.
And now it seems that I can't stop crying as the tears roll down my cheeks I must stifle my sobs so I don't attract the attention of my co-worker who are only separated from me by a think cubicle wall. I had done pretty well at work these past 2 days. I only started to cry once yesterday when someone offered me a hug as condolences, and I started out as only once today when I shared the hard news with a lady at work, who is also fighting cancer at the moment, when she looked at me with her sad eyes and told me how sorry she was. That brought me to tears, but I sucked it up and took a few deep breaths and got on with my day. When the text message chimed on my phone I clicked 'view' and had barely read the entirety of the message before my eyes welled up with tears and they haven't really ceased since.

Lariann Evans Bredthauer

Lariann Evans Bredthauer 1982 ~ 2009 KAYSVILLE - Our "miracle" Lariann Evans Bredthauer, 26, valiantly fought a brain tumor, giving us almost three more years of happiness, passed away May 9, 2009 in Salt Lake City. Born in Bountiful, Utah, December 7, 1982 to Jerry L. and Lorraine Evans. Married Scott Nelson Bredthauer, May 16, 2003 in the Salt Lake Temple. A devoted and faithful member of the LDS church. Her testimony and love of the Savior was always evident in her daily life. Sunshine describes her positive attitude, humor and fun loving personality. A truly virtuous woman. Graduated from Davis High school and received an Associate Degree from Weber State University. She loved being part of the color guard in both high school and the university marching bands. Giving birth to her "miracle" daughter, Lucy, while receiving radiation treatments was a sign of her great strength and courage. A talented wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. She loved being Lucy's mom, Scott's companion, family, family activities, watching sports-especially football and baseball, the outdoors, crocheting, cooking, good movies, music and cultural events. Lariann is survived by: her husband, Scott, her daughter, Lucy, her parents, Jerry and Lorraine Evans, her grandmothers, Barbara Nelson and Marian W. Page, her siblings, Scot (Heidi) Evans, Kristin (Scott) Christensen, Jared (Julaine) Evans, John (Elizabeth) Evans, Rachel (Devin) Razee, her in-laws, Paul and Debra Bredthauer, her brothers-in-law, Tyler (Brooke) Bredthauer, Greg (Stacey) Bredthauer, sister-in-law, Alison Bredthauer and many beloved extended family members and friends. Funeral services will be held Saturday, May 16, 2009, 1l:00 a.m. at the Kaysville Tabernacle 198 West Center St. Viewings will be held Friday, May 15, 2009 from 6-8 p.m. at the Russon Brothers Mortuary 1941 North Main, Farmington (across from Cherry Hill); and 9:30-10:30 a.m. prior to the services at the Tabernacle. Interment, Kaysville City Cemetery. Our sincere thanks to the Huntsman Cancer Institute, Dr. Jensen, Dr. Duhan and Lariann's entire team as well as the staff of the Neurological Critical Care unit of the U of U. A fund has been setup for the family at Zion's Bank. FAMILIES CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER Online guest book at
This Obituary has been printed in the Deseret News, Salt Lake Tribune, and Standard Examiner.

Today's Capricorn Horoscope:

May 13, 2009

Give your life meaning today by truly feeling the beauty in every moment you live, dear Capricorn. There is no need to beat yourself up about the past, so move on. It also does no good to beat yourself up about the present. You are at the right place at the right time, so don't waste your energy by thinking you should be somewhere else. There is plenty of fun and adventure to be had right where you are.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Funeral Plans

Lariann Evans Bredthauer
Viewing will be held at:
Russon Brothers Mortuary
1941 North Main Street
Farmington, Utah 84025
Time: 6:00 pm
Funeral will be held at:
Kaysville Tabernacle
198 W Center Street
Kaysville, UT 84041
Located at the corner of 200 W & Center Street in Kaysville, UT
Time: 11:00 am
This is all the information I have at this point in time. A lot of the plans are being finalized today. Obituary will follow shortly. It will be published in the Standard, Deseret News/Tribune and the Clipper for a Thursday publication. The Family has set up a fund for Lucy/Lariann at Zions Bank. I'm not 100% sure on what the account is named, but I will get that information out as soon as I can for those of you who have asked.
The Incredible Telling Of How I Made You
by Trish McDermott for her son Ryan before he was born

Some babies are made in the shade, some the sun.
Some babies get made for the happy and fun,
Or accidents happen and babies appear.
It's all sort of tricky and exactly not clear.

Some babies get made just like a surprise,
When mothers are sleeping or closing their eyes.
Some babies get made when there's nothing to do,
But this hardly compares to how I made you.

You were my dream right from the start.
You tickled my smile and filled up my heart.
Even before you were growing in me,
You were my golly, my gosh my gee.

You were my spin, my sparkle and swirl.
You were my boy, my baby, my girl.
You were my under and over and out.
You were the stuff that my life's all about.

So I napped in the shade and danced in the sun.
I made my happiness and then did some fun.
I held all my breaths and wished you were here,
But try as I might, you wouldn't appear.

Then I read in a book that you must be a wife,
And get a husband, and live a life
That for me didn't seem too happy or gay,
So I thought up a more cheerful, sunnier way.

I blew lots of bubbles and stood on my head.
I slept upside down at the foot of my bed.
I jumped and I bumped for making a baby,
Then I got an idea that came as a maybe.

Maybe I can't pull a baby from the air.
Maybe a baby needs people to share.
Maybe I needed a helper or two.
Maybe I needed a family for you.

So I climbed up a hill and said to the sky,
"I'll start with a man, a swell kind of guy.
He'd have a big heart, an adventurous mind,
And tend to be sunny and funny and kind."

"One that wanted a baby for all of his life,
But wasn't the kind to marry a wife."
And I searched all the world then found just the guy
With feet on the ground but dreams in the sky.

Then I found you a puppy, some snails and a cat,
A cousin, an uncle and a boy in a hat.
I got you a fairy with many good lucks,
And a girl who knew all of the names of the trucks.

I got you a man who knew about flowers,
And a doctor in training with magical powers.
I found you a neighbor and a woman so wise
You could see in her heart when you looked in her eyes.

I collected some buddies and friends and old pals,
My most favorite people--some guys and some gals.
I found you an aunt and a grandma, quite bended.
This is your family, though somewhat extended.

They each love you ten thousand times in their heart,
And for making a baby that's a very good start.
If you took all that love and got it uncurled,
It would wrap fifty-nine times around the whole world.

You see, babies don't need a husband and wife,
And they don't have to come from one kind of life.
They don't have to live in any one place,
And they certainly don't have just one kind of face.

I made you my darling with giggles and hugs,
With cuddles and grins and barrels of loves.
As family and friends and lovers stood by,
I made you with oceans and mountains and sky.

I made you with sunshine and jumps through big puddles.
I made you in spite of their rules and their muddles.
I made you for reasons of happy and joy.
You are my darling, my girl or my boy.

Just how we got here and the way that we came
To be a family and friends isn't always the same.
So come as you are, and at your own pace,
Live a fine life with honor and grace.

Now you wiggle inside me, wanting to play,
But before you get here, I wanted to say:
You make a world shiny, my sky always blue.
It's incredible baby, the way I made you.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Saddest Day

My beautiful little sister Lariann passed away today. It was kind of sudden, but not really. It was going to happen, we just weren't ready for it to be so soon. I am utterly heartbroken today. I wasn't ready to let her go.

I tried to text those of you who I could think of off the top of my head, but I know that there are a lot of people who read this blog that I may not have phone numbers for.

So far the plan is to have the funeral on Saturday. I'll post more when I know more. Just keep her husband and baby in your prayers. Scott & Lucy.

That is is for today. I have no more words.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Fun with office supplies

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wow! What a day.

Monday started out all normal, like Monday's should be. I went to work, organized my day, got ready for staff meeting ... 8:23 am I got a call from my husband telling me that he was on his way to the Emergency Room but he didn't have time to talk. I told him I was going to staff meeting and he could call me back in half hour, but he could call anytime if it was an emergency. I didn't really think much of it because he's accident prone and this call isn't really new to me, but when I asked what he did this time he just told me that he didn't DO anything and that he'd have to call me back.
I was a little exasperated but thought whatever he'll just call me back. Never-the-less I had my phone in hand during the meeting just in case it wasn't just the usual accident. 9:18 am I'm back from my meeting shuffling papers on my desk when I get a second call from him saying that he needed me right now and I needed to come to the hospital.... That was unusual so I packed up my desk cried for my supervisor and took off for LDS Hospital where he said he was at. After the frustrating parking game that I always play at that hospital, I finally found him around 9:45 am, all sickly and pale in exam room 6 covered in wires with an oxygen tube.  
Back to 6:30 am getting out of the car he had had the strange pressure headache that he'd been getting periodically over the last few months.. He yawned and relieved the pressure and went about his business as usual. Not too far into the morning he was sitting in the morning meeting suddenly lost all feeling in the left side of his body. Head to toe. His tongue went numb, he was missing bits of his vision and hearing. He waited until the meeting was over and grabbed his Lead-man and was taken to the nurses station where they checked his blood sugar and looked him over.
There was nothing they could do for him so they called him an ambulance. He was taken to the hospital by ambulance SW1 and they did a CAT scan before I ever got there. So what was it?? a stroke? an aneurism? a tumor? nothing showed up on the CAT scan so they had to do a Spinal Tap - Just a side note, in case you didn't know, John is TERRIFIED of needles - at this point he had had blood taken and sugar levels taken several times all involving needles. So the Spinal Tap was just a topper to the fun. The doctor in the ER gave him a lot of drugs to calm him down and to numb the pain of the Spinal Tap, but it seemed like it didn't really kick in until she was already done.
THANKFULLY, there was no blood in the Spinal Tap so there were no small aneurisms that may have evaded the CAT ... but there was a high white blood cell count and some puss cells in his spinal fluid - - leading the doctors to say it's Meningitis so John was admitted to the hospital for 24 hours of antibiotics. They sent us up to the 8th floor where we were basically quarantined for like 4 hours until another doctor came in and said that it wasn't meningitis after all ... But they still didn't know what was wrong with him so they ordered a MRI and an MRA to check for anything that the CAT had missed again. 
Just as John was being wheeled away for his MRI the Neurologist decided to stop by and diagnosed him with Pseudomigraine with Lymphocytic Pleocytosis - what does that mean?? I have no idea really, but it wasn't going to kill him and that's what is important. All I could find when googling was some studies and no really good definitions. So basically it is just a False Migraine with Neurological Effects. Duh. That doesn't mean anything to me.
So we got to spend the night in the hospital. I slept on a squeaky cot at the end of John's bed and I still had to get up and go to work in the morning because I have NO TIME OFF. grrr. I hate that. 
The Neurologist came back and talked to John on Tuesday morning and let him know that the MRI and MRA were clear and they wanted to do a EKG on his head before releasing him from the hospital to make sure his brain waves were okay.

All in all it was a super frustrating couple of days toping off with the fact that I had to work late to make up for the time I had missed so there I sat at work on Tuesday with no shower and in the clothes I had put on Monday morning and I just wanted to go home and clean my hair. In the end this is all going to end up being really a expensive trip to the hospital with nothing to show for it ... all because there is nothing they can find wrong with my husband
Then I have to work over time again this week to make up for the time I missed. I hate the real world!

So whether there is some thing wrong with him that the doctors couldn't find or not we don't know. All I know is that his little sister had/has a brain tumor and now has cancer so I'm very relieved that they found nothing but a brain inside his head but I'm still terribly worried that it may happen again. I joke with him that with the insurance policy I have on him he's worth more dead then alive to me, but in the truth of it all I can't lose him that would just kill me I think. Now I'm just a worried wife who is frustrated, extremely tired and close to tears.
Life is so unfair sometimes.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

John in the ER yesterday.

Pseudomigraine with Lymphocytic Pleocytosis

Because this tells me absolutly nothing. . . This is what the Neurologist decided that John had yesterday.

Pseudomigraine with lymphocytic pleocytosis

Pseudomigraine with temporary neurologic symptoms and lymphocytic pleocytosis is a self-limited syndrome of unknown origin characterized by headache accompanied by transient neurologic symptoms and cerebrospinal fluid lymphocytosis. Patients with this condition are between 15 and 40 years of age. The syndrome is more frequent in men. The clinical picture encompasses one to 12 episodes of changing variable neurologic deficits accompanied by moderate to severe headache and occasional fever. These headaches are described as predominantly throbbing and bilateral with a variable duration (mean, 19 hours). The average duration of the transient neurologic deficit is 5 hours. Sensory (78% episodes), aphasic (66%), and motor (56%) disturbances are the most common. Migraine-like visual symptoms are relatively rare (18% episodes). Patients are asymptomatic between episodes and after the symptomatic period (duration > 3 months). Lymphocytic pleocytosis (10 to 760 cells mm3) and increased cerebrospinal fluid protein are found with negative bacteriologic, viral, fungal, and immunologic studies. Brain computed tomography and magnetic resonance imaging are normal, but an electroencephalogram frequently shows focal slowing over the symptomatic brain area. Single photon emission computed tomography reveals transient focal areas of decreased uptake consistent with the clinical symptoms. It is possible that pseudomigraine with temporary neurologic symptoms and lymphocytic pleocytosis could result from an activation of the immune system secondary to a recent viral infection, which would produce antibodies against neuronal or vascular antigens. This autoimmune attack may induce an aseptic leptomeningeal vasculitis, accounting for the headache and the transient symptoms likely through a spreading depression-like mechanism.

 - - No one dumbed this down for us, and yes just handed over a big bill. Ugh! But it's not a tumor and it's not an aneurism and it wasn't a stroke and it's not meningitis so whatever. John's MRI and MRA that he had done last night were clear too so apparently he does have a brain, but there is nothing wrong with it.

He's had to stay at the hospital until noon to get an EKG on his head to make sure his brain waves were okay and then they let him go home.

 As it stands there is nothing really wrong with john and he just likes to cause panic-attacks to his poor wife. There is no way to tell if or when this may happen again and because it hasn't done him any harm then it apparently isn't that important in the whole scheme of things. bah humbug. I find doctors to be completely useless. 

Thanks Amanda Dickson

See full size image

Friday, May 1, 2009

Ahhh! Nature.

Olympic Rain Forest, WA. This place was beautiful. When I'm in shape I'd like to do the entire 7.9 mile hike.

I'm afraid of 21 out of 72 common fears

if you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
if you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
if you get 11-20, you are normal.
if you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
people who don’t have any are full of crap.
Tag 10 of your friends and find out whether or not they suffer paranoia.

I fear ...

[ ] black people
[x] the dark (when I'm outside... )
[ ] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] dog
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants

total so far: 5

[ ] fire
[ ] very deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning storms
[x] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[x] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow

total so far: 9

[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed/mugged
[x] falling
[x] clowns
[x] glass dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors
[ ] tornadoes

total so far: 17

[ ] hurricanes
[ ] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up, old

total so far: 19

[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood

total: 21