Wednesday, May 13, 2009

snips and snails and puppy dog tails

I got a text message from my Tommy today announcing the birth of a baby boy. His name is Zane Cole Stauss. 7 lbs 3oz 9.5 in born at 1:08 am today. He of course isn't Tom's baby, he belongs to a couple of their lesbian friends and his boyfriend Cole was the sperm donor.

While today I am happy for Tommy and his new family I am feeling a great loss again. I'm reminded that yet another Mother's day has passed me by with nothing in my arms and now the great void in my heart where Lariann should be.

Two people/things I don't have in my life.
And now it seems that I can't stop crying as the tears roll down my cheeks I must stifle my sobs so I don't attract the attention of my co-worker who are only separated from me by a think cubicle wall. I had done pretty well at work these past 2 days. I only started to cry once yesterday when someone offered me a hug as condolences, and I started out as only once today when I shared the hard news with a lady at work, who is also fighting cancer at the moment, when she looked at me with her sad eyes and told me how sorry she was. That brought me to tears, but I sucked it up and took a few deep breaths and got on with my day. When the text message chimed on my phone I clicked 'view' and had barely read the entirety of the message before my eyes welled up with tears and they haven't really ceased since.

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