Are you wondering why this is on my blog? Well, Scarlet and I have some personal interest in this story. That is all I am going to say. I will miss some thing’s about “The End” though. I really kind of like the new change in the station too.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700028435/Radio-dial-The-End-meets-its-end.html
Keeper and Kid: A Novel
I received my copy of Keeper and Kid from a Goodreads.com giveaway back in September of 2009 and it has taken me until April 2010 to pick it up to read…
I picked this book up from my giant pile of unread books thinking that if I read anything it should be this just to get it off the pile and out of my way. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.
I started reading this on a Saturday evening around 5 pm and the next thing I knew I was on page 200 and it was 1 am. I got so caught up in this story of Keeper and his discovering parenthood. I seriously couldn’t put it down.
I loved Keeper. His reactions to being thrown in with a 3 year-old are very real. I was a Nanny for a long time, and that first few months with new kids is just plain hard so I really felt for him. Getting used to their routines and their needs and their lives and forgetting your own. It is really hard.
I also identified with him on a more personal level since my sister-in-law and best friend just passed away last year leaving behind her 3 year-old. Constantly remembering those moment when you should have done something different, or wondering if you had done something else would it have ended the way it did. I cried a little while reading this book. Losing someone you love is like that.
I didn’t like Leah from the beginning. I had already decided that she was not my favorite. I found myself wanting to know more about Cynthia and her life and her personality. Leo was adorable, though at first I thought he was a little too articulate for a 3 year-old, but as the story moved on he leveled out to what I know of 3 year-olds.
Tim is a really good friend. Everyone needs a friend like that in their lives to keep around when times are tough. What a good man.
I think this book reminds us all that life is not stationary and that we never know what to expect. Take the time to cherish the ones you love, and don’t overburden yourself with stuff you can’t do anything about. Just live in the moments.
There is just one item that I did not appreciate in this book. The over use of the f**k word. I’m not a fan of it in real life so I prefer not to read it in my literature as well. I understand that my morals are different than most of the world and that is a perfectly acceptable word for most. I understand that it was one way to show the stress of the situation through words, and maybe Keeper just didn’t have a better way of expressing himself, I just don’t like hearing/reading it as the punctuation to everything. To have made this more realistic Leo should have started parroting it back to Keeper. Because they do. That’s usually a good way to get a parent to clean up their language.
But above all, I love this book. I will recommend it to others.
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I don’t really know what the fascination with movie sound tracks was back in the 90’s but it seems that I own a lot of them. I'd say that about 85% of the soundtracks we own are all from movies that came out in the 90's. The soundtrack for today’s CD of the week is...
Night At The Roxbury:
Music from the Motion Picture
First of all, I’m going to state for the record that I HATE this movie. It is one of the stupidest I think I have ever seen, its quite high on my list. (my #1 stupidest I have ever seen is Dumb and Dumber.) I know I may quote it sometimes, but that’s just the way my brain works. Make no mistake, though, I hate everything about it… except the music.
There are so many good songs on this album that it's hard to pick out two or three that I love so I wont. I'll simply state that the album is mixed in such a way that each song melts into the next really well. Not a good album to use in compilations because of the intro and extras on the songs, but I'd rather just listen to the album as a whole.
This post is dedicated to John.
http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/blog-3480-music-blog-the-end-of-the-end-1
019.html
I am so glad that Jerk Chunga is gone!
In your Face Chunga. You Suck.
This is one of my new favorite albums. (new meaning within the last 2 years) I was first introduce to Ludo probably the end of 2008 when my cousin and I were exchanging music and she gave me a song called :Love me Dead” I loved it and I immediately wanted more. This is the album that followed my request:
You're Awful, I Love YouApparently Ludo has only been popular since 2007 so I don’t feel as out-of-the-loop/out-of-date as usual. Their music is a fun pop/rock/goth combination that I love. I smile every time I hear one of their songs on my iPod. They are catchy and I find that I often have a song from this album stuck in my head.
On a sobering note, last year when Lariann passed away every song I had in my car or on my iPod reminded me of her in some way. A lot of our relationship had revolved around music. I shared all I had with her, and in turn she shared her favorites with me. I think I even took her to her first concert, The Aquabats. So in a sense Music = Lari. I needed something to listen to loudly to block out the thoughts and aching that I had in my head revolving around her being gone, so I pulled out this album because it was one I hadn’t really listened to prior to that day, and I hadn’t had the opportunity to share it with her yet. I listened to this every time I was in the car for the months following. I listened to it so loudly that I couldn’t hear myself screaming the lyrics. It made me feel better.
I have since turned it down to my standard listening level (still super loud, but at least I can hear myself) but I have really grown fond of every song on the album.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Love Me Dead – My first Ludo song I listened to. I loved you at hello.
Such As It Ends – Fun Song!
Go-Getter Greg - This song is funny in a pathetic stalker kind of way. It makes me laugh.
The Horror Of Our Love – What a great stalker song.
Japan It! – This is the song I listed to the most often. I think I have put it on every mix CD I have made since I heard it the first time. I always crank up the volume on this one and sing along.
April 14, 2010
I have been feeling rather depressed this last week. I can almost pin point the exact cause of it because there are several things going on that have tweaked the last nerve that has made my world turn blue.
Number 1:
Last week I was asked the cryptic question of “did so-and-so call you?” this usually means that someone is having a baby and their afraid to tell Liz and John. To “Spare our feelings” they want to wait to tell us, or have someone else tell us, or not tell us at all.
Like it’s not something we’ll notice either while they are pregnant, or when they show up to something with an extra kid in tow. Above all I think this “sparing our feelings” crap is more hurtful then the reminder that I’m still baby-less.
Oh Please! Spare me your pity, I don’t need it. Just tell me you’re having a baby.
I promise I wont be upset and cry until I’m home alone. I’ll smile for you and tell you how happy I am, because I probably truly am, I’m just sad for myself. I’ll help you pick out baby clothes and decorate your nursery. I’ll cuddle and love your baby because babies are precious and I’m happy for you. Really I am.
The only time I really get upset over these announcements is when I feel that you are a terrible mother and don’t deserve another baby or if this is one of those babies that you don’t even want but now you’re pregnant so what are you going to do about it… This is the kind of announcement that we got this last weekend. And I was really okay with it for a few days until I fond myself crying in my car as I drove home from work. Why do terrible mothers end up with babies they don’t want or deserve.
Grrrr.
I have gotten a pretty good grasp on this infertility issue in the last few months. That’s why this blog has been so quiet. I’ve been truly happy that most of my sisters-in-laws are expecting babies this year. I’m so excited to hold and love little Becca and little Rachel. I’m excited to be an Auntie with kids close enough to love again. I’m a bad long distance Auntie, even though I wish I wasn’t. John and I have really kind of accepted the fact that we may not ever be parents to children of our own. We don’t know how long it will be before we can afford IVF. We don’t know if we can handle the stress and disappointment that may come with adoption. We don’t have a house where we would be comfortable being foster parents. So right now, we are just learning to be happy with our selves just the way we are. Think of the vacations we can take and the movies we can see. Think of the freedom we have without having to find a baby-sitter or worrying about where our kids are or who their with. We’re trying really hard to look at the bright side of life. Really, we’re trying.
Number 2:
It's coming up on May 9th the 1 year anniversary of Lariann's death. It seems like everything the family does together reminds us of "The last time" we did it with Lari. This next month is going to be pretty difficult for the family. Two weeks ago we got together and dyed eggs for Easter with Lucy and Kira. We all had a really nice time, but at the end of the evening it hit us that last year we did the same thing with Lari and Lucy. That brought the fun of the event to a low. We cried a little. I think about her every day.
Number 3:
No more Natalie. Z and Rachel finished their Catholic classes. They had been going every Thursday night since. September (I think.) and we have had Natalie pretty much every week. It’s been fun to have her, to love her and to play with her. I invested in toys for ages 3 and under so she’d have something to play with. She’d come over and we would watch Vampire Diaries together she’d torment the cats and John and then I’d put her to bed. We had a great time. But it’s all come to an end. The last class was last week so now I don’t have her anymore. On one hand I’m very glad that we have our Thursday nights back, but on the other, I’m going to miss her terribly. I’ve told Z and Rachel to bring her to me when ever they want to.
Also, the months are quickly passing until we wont have Lucy every Wednesday. Scott is getting married on August 13th and then that will be the end of my Wednesday night’s with Lucy. It’s going to be weird fitting time in with Ariane and the family now that Lucy will have 3 sets of grand parents, additional Aunts, Uncles and cousins, a lot of the Evans’ are worried that Scott may just disown us. I don’t think he will. I just think that we remind him of Lariann so he chooses not to put himself through that grief by not hanging out with us. I’m sure that as the years pass we will all become more comfortable with it. It will just be an adjustment. Again, I have mixed feelings about not having Lucy. We’ll get our date night back, but I’ll miss the bonding time with my Lucy.
Number 4:
May 9th this year will be Mother's day. This is a tough time for me anyway, but the hatred of this day was compiled last year, and now I dislike it even more. It will also mark the official 1 year anniversary of not going to church. John and I joke a lot about taking off a year and calling it our “Year of Apostasy” but we haven’t been very apostate this last year.
The book I am reading has identified that part of what I have been feeling lately as a "Spiritual Injury." That is, I have been pretty mad at God for ... oh, probably the last 8 years of my life. I think I have gotten a pretty good spiritual beat-down, and it may take a while to heal. All I have really ever wanted was for a nice life, kids, friends, health, a home, but those dreams all seem to have drowned in the crap that life has handed me.
In our life together we have had 2 years of unemployment. A school that promised a AS degree in business, but after 6 years of attendance they decided not to make Business Management a degree program. In the last 5 years I have dealt with 6 deaths: 2 family members, 2 friends, and 2 family members of friends. My dad has prostate cancer. John’s mom has kidney failure. I have been in 3 car accidents, totaled out 4 cars. Depression. Anxiety. Grief. Allergies. Mold. Asthma. The Dinosaur Flu. Bad jobs. Mononucleosis. A sister with brain tumor/cancer. Betrayal by a kindred spirit. Debt. Miscarriage. Infertility. Obesity. Back surgery.
The list really does just go on and on. I have tried to learn from the trials and to become a better person, but apparently I haven’t learned enough and the crap keeps flying. Frankly, I’m done with it all. I’d like to just have a stress free life and be able to do the things that we want to do and not always have to be reacting to the situations we are thrown into.
I spend a lot of time locked in my house. I avoid phone calls and knocks at the door. I have a hard time agreeing to see family and friends. I just want to crawl into bed and pull a blanket over my head. There may as well only be two rooms in my house; the kitchen and the bedroom. In fact, I don’t think I even need the kitchen.
And yes, for the most part, I blame God for my problems. If he was a more kind and loving being, then why am I always feeling so run over and spread to thin. Why is it that the people I love continually die. Why is it that I can’t claw myself out of the dark depressions that covers my life with the bleak hopelessness. Why can’t I just be happy with what I have and move on with my life. Why does my life feel like it’s stuck in the mud and sinking.
I have been spiritually injured.
Again and again and again.
When is it going to stop.
I find it hard to sit through 3 hours of church feeling like an outcast because I am not a newly-wed or a mother. I hate sitting there and watching the families with their children who have no discipline. I’m tired of being the outcast because I hate “crafty” things and social situations. I hate not having anything in common with the women who look down on me and make snide remarks about people who shop at Wal-mart and live in trailer homes. I really have no desire for these women to be my friends. I don’t like them and I don’t want to be like them. I hate that this ward hasn’t lifted a finger to see what is wrong with us. No one came when john was laid up for to months after back surgery. No one came when John was in the ER. No one came when Lari died. No one stops in when the yard hasn’t been mowed for a month and no one has seen us outside. No one came when we didn’t show up to teach out Sunday school class for one month… three months… six months… nine months…. Still no one comes. I hate that the
I know that this last part is a failure of people. But it’s a failure of people of the church who are supposed to care, but don’t. I am angry at the failures of men.
And for your information we haven't gone back to church yet for the sheer pride factor. I don't want to be judged for abandoning our Sunday School class or for telling the relief society president that I'm to selfish and lazy to be a visiting teacher. I don't want to be stared at as we walk into the chapel and pick the seat furthest away from the pulpit. The pride of self consciousness has overcome our desire to go out in public.
Right now, I just want to be left alone. Is that to much to ask. I don’t want anymore stress or death or failure. I just want to fit in somewhere. I want to be happy with no strings attached. I want a family. I want a house. I want my husband to stop worrying about everything. I’m just done with what life has handed me.
I'm going to stop now, if I don't, I could go on forever.
1. #1 Crush - Garbage
2. Local God - Everclear
3. Angel - Gavin Friday
4. Pretty Piece of Flesh - One Inch Punch
5. Kissing You - Des'ree
6. Whatever (I Had a Dream) - Butthole Surfers
7. Lovefool - The Cardigans
8. Young Hearts Run Free - Kym Mazelle
9. Everybody's Free (To Feel Good) - Quindon Tarver
10. To You I Bestow - Mundy
11. Talk Show Host - Radiohead
12. Little Star - Stina Nordenstam
13. You and Me Song - The Wannadies
"Peace? Peace. I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee."
I can hear it now. Some of you out there are saying "Really? THIS ALBUM!? You Chose THIS as your first CD Choice!? Wow! That's so lame!"
When this movie came out in 1996 I had to see it. I liked to think that as a 17 year-old I had a pretty good grasp of Shakespeare, a love of movies and the desire to see both done really well. In my teenage years I had a huge girl crush on Claire Danes and I couldn't get enough of her. I also didn't find Leonardo DiCaprio that hard to look at either. I saw this in the theater opening night, and it blew me away. I loved everything about it. The music, the setting, the director. It was amazing... but this blog is about the music and not the movie, I'll do that another day.
Bark! Bark!
And now that I have THAT song stuk in your head.....
TANGENT: Andrea, do you remember how Kenji used to LOVE that song and you had it on a record and the yellow big bird record player, and you had to play it over and over and over and over and over again? Yeah, that was awesome.
It has been a while since I posted something substantial. so I'm going to give it a shot today, now that I have pulled the calendar from my drawer, and see what I can come up with... Here I go.
February flew by. It's a short month anyway, but this year it didn't really feel like it existed. Then March happened and now, suddenly we're in April.
February 5th was John's 30th birthday. Thus making him old, like the rest of us. It was a Friday. We drove out to the south end of the valley and had dinner with his brother Jared and the family. It was nice to see all of them, we don't get out to Utah County very often... Even if it was at the chuck-ur-gramma.
February 6th was a long day. Well, since the night before we weren't home we decided to have the party on Saturday night. This involved 3 days of cake preparation. Getting the right food coloring, baking the cake, locating my crystal cake stand. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I woke up early that morning 7 am! That's is early for me on a Saturday. I ran to the store to do our weekly shopping and then ran home to clean. Vacuumed the house. Mopped the floors. Cleaned the cat box. Showered. Frosted cake. At 2:00 pm we attended the baptism of one of our favorite little boys, named William, who belongs to our favorite Logan and Jenny. Visited at their house. Then ran home. All in time for a party at 6. No one showed up until 6:20 when my brother Z and his wife, Not-Your-Sister, showed up with their 3 kids and apologized for being late, (which they were) but since no one else had showed (I guess they weren't) The party got started and they got the first pieces of cake. (NOTE to Self: Next time. Bigger Cake). But the Party was a blast.
People from both families showed up, nice to have some representation among the family. More friends showed up than expected. It was so nice to see Tom and Lindsey and Holly and Megan you people don't come around enough. And an extra special thanks to everyone else who came, you really made John's un-birthday a fantastic day. And Thanks to Rachel (John's sister) for the decorations! They were spectacular!
February 7th - We got the news that the Father of one of our best friends passed away. This was hard news for us, we seem to be in a constant struggle with mortality and the depression just seems to pile up on us some days. But Bryce came out for the funeral and it was nice to see him.
February 12th was the funeral. We took the day off work. The service was beautiful and he will be missed.
February 16th We all got together with the Brand Family (All meaning: John, Bryce and Jacob + Spouses and Kids) It has been a while since all the boys have gotten together, and it is always a good time when we do. John sure misses his friends when they are not around.
Lets skip a few days where nothing of note happened...
Febryary 23rd - - - DISNEYLAND!! Or at least the start of our Disney trip. We left work early this day and Drove to St. George with John's parents. We spent the night in St. George with Kristin and her family. It is always so nice to see Kristin and Company. They are such a wonderful part of our lives. It's sad that we don't see them more often, but St. George is just so far away.
February 24th - After a fantastic breakfast burrito, we loaded back in the car early and made a stop at the Bass Pro Shop in Las Vegas. We got to wander the store for a while and Dad Evans couldn't leave without getting the Bass Pro game for his Wii. He's such a funny old guy. We stopped in Baker and had lunch at Big Boy next to the Worlds Largest Thermometer. (I can add that to my collection with the Worlds Largest Groundhog that we stopped at on the way to Kansas once.) We got to California around 4:00 pm and decided to go to dinner at Knott's Berry Farm Chicken Restaurant. The food was pretty good. I had chicken and Dumplings and John had the Fried Chicken. Mine was covered in gravy, and John had half a chicken all to himself. The Bredthauer's arrived later that night (Scott and Lucy and Scott's parents) and we all got prepared for our FUN-tastic day at Lagoon... er, I mean Disneyland!
February 25th - DISNEYLAND!! Yes, we finally made it. We had breakfast at the over-priced bad-service iHop right across the street from the front entrance to the park. We had Early Entry for the day so we were in line to get in. I don't know what it is about Disneyland, but when I wait in line to get in that first day I'm always so excited and so happy I could cry. I guess that's just the magic of it, isn't it. :) We got into the park and fun ensued.
February 26th – Feeling tired. Feet hurt, but still keeping up. We had a lunch appointment at Club 33 this morning. So we started out in Toon Town and did some wandering of the park. She was very excited to see Goofy and Mickey. Lucy liked Toon Town. But she LOVED seeing Winnie the Pooh. I don't know that I have ever seen her THAT excited for anything. She was absolutely adorable. I finally went on Splash Mountain. And for the Record: I HATE SPLASH MOUNTAIN. Whose brilliant idea was it to put the fat girl in front!? Oh that's right, Not Mine. I got soaking wet on that stupid ride, right before we went to lunch at Club 33. First of all, club 33 is very hoity-toity. Scott's dad has a friend who is a member and got us all in. It is very nice. Very expensive. It's located through a blue door right next to The blue Bayou. You have probably walked past that door a million times without even knowing it. I know I have. We were seated in the Trophy Room right under the Air Conditioning. I was freezing cold the whole time. The linen napkin and the nice cloth upholstered chair soaked up some of the water from my jeans, but not much, the effect was really just making everything I touched wet and cold. We had steak.
SIDE NOTE: Unfortunately I wasn't as impressed with Club 33 as I should have been. I didn't understand the historic significance of the place before I went. I didn't look it up until AFTER we came home, but now that I have read more about it and learned about some of the cool items that are stored there, I wish I had taken more pictures, and I'd like to go back. Oh well. Missed opportunity. It was pretty cool though, being able to go somewhere that not a whole lot of people get the oppertunity to do.
February 27th – By our third day. I was tired and sore, and John's mom was very tired and very sore. She ended up getting an "electric conveyance device" that we lovingly called the Jazzy. It was Awesome. We got to skip so many lines and it was a life saver for how many times we crossed the parks that day. Space Mountain is awesome in the dark. It was lit up last time we went with Red Hot Chilli Pepper blasting in our ears, so it was cool to go on it for real this time. Plus, no waiting in line. Score! I think we went on the Tower of Terror like 6 times during this trip. I'm scared of heights, but I love that ride. Weird, I know. John bought a picture of us all on the ride. (Minus the moms and Lucy.) It's a classic photo. Scott has it hanging on his fridge. The Evans' had lunch at The Blue Bayou. This is a place in Disneyland that I love. I don't think there is anything on the menu for less than $23 but the food is good, and the atmosphere is well worth it. This trip, as a whole, was kind of our farewell to Lari. We came to the park to celebrate her life, and to do some of the things that she had wanted to do but never had the chance. At lunch, there on the Pirates of the Caribbean river front, we talked about Lari and remembered her life. We toasted her and had our own moment of silence in her memory. It was a sweet memory that I now have of Lari, she wasn't there physically, but I'm sure she was with us. It rained most of the day on and off, we had our ponchos. I also rode the Monorail for the first time. I know it's not the most exciting ride in the park, but it's one of those things you need to go on at least once. I left the park around 8:45 that night. John stayed to "close the park" with Scott and his dad, but I was cold and tired and starting to get sick so I walked back to the hotel and bought myself some Tylenol, but I could see the fireworks from the hotel window, and they were amazing.
February 28th – With our visit to Club 33 we got a one day pass to use on the day of our Club 33 visit, so that left us one more day at Disneyland on our 3 day pass. We went back over to the park to catch up some extra shopping before leaving for home. We left Anaheim around noon and drove back to Kristin's n St. George for the night. I slept most of the way. I was getting a cold and felt like crud. I went to bed early that night.
RANDOM SIDE NOTE: I have fallen into a 20 oz Soda once a day. I had gotten down to one 20 oz Soda a week, I'm so disappointed with myself. But I have noticed every time I'm at the Soda machines that the Pepsi machine dispenses so much faster then the Coke machine. And I wonder... Does the Coke machine purposefully dispense slower to make you think of that Coke commercial where the weird little beings inside the coke machine put the coke together and fly it all around their little world before it is dispensed for your enjoyment?? I think they do.
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John's singing was driving this cat up the wall. Her ears were pinned back just before I sanpped this picture. Instead of the frightened cat look, I got this pretty nice picture of my favorite fat cat.
I expected more from this book. 
