Thursday, April 2, 2009

What do you do when you are caught wasting company time.

You say you have to stop to participate in a religious practice. That way they can’t do anything with violating your human rights. LOL!
You can tell them that you were working and then when they complain about the time. You swear that you were working and as they persist you get concerned. Then as you contemplate what is going on you have two options. 1. Claim you were abducted again by aliens. 2. Claim some horrible brain tumor, or disease. Then before they can say anything else bust into tears screaming “why!”
How about you claim gremlins came and destroyed your work so you had to start over.
You could claim that the voices in you head took a vote and you all agree, “work is stupid and so are you.” Then turn around and continue what you were doing.
You can pull the fire alarm and then that makes it so you don’t have to work and no one cares because you are all outside. If you get caught you just turn and look very angry and say it was your evil twin out to ruin you.
There is always the route of when called about the hours insist that you have a computer problem and it doesn’t work right. Insist that they come take a look then have them monkey with your computer. Have them wait there while you take a cup and go get a glass of water. When you return and they tell you it is working fine. Pour the water inside the computer. Then say “It sure looks like it’s got a problem to me.”
My personal favorite is when management comes to complain about the time. You say you are doing fine. When they question you again you put your arm around them and very quietly tell them that you are very strongly connected to the mob. That you would hate to have this incident ruin your professional relation ship. Then point your finger like a gun and wink at them as you send them back to there office. Then arrange for little accident to happen to them through the week. Making sure you are always there to point out how horrible that was. Of course having a solid alibi the whole time.
I forgot about the one where you bring your desk orgier to work and when they come to give you a hard time you hit them over the head knocking them unconscious. Then you feed them to desk orger. And no one is the wiser. Make sure you give the club you used to the orger as well for him to eat.

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