Goodbye 2009, I wont miss you

I weighed myself this morning and the scale said .... 230

Ugh! So much for losing 5lbs by the end of the year, it looks like I gained some. Bleh. But my new treadmill comes to my house on Monday so hopefully that will help in the weight loss department.
I have decided that I can't join a gym because my exercise schedule doesn't fit with their business hours and I can't go outside walking because there is 2 feet of snow and bad air quality in the winter and it's too blasted hot in the summer. So I figured if I had a treadmill I could get on it any time I want and walk for as long as I need too. I can even walk and read at the same time and not worry about being hit by a car. I can walk at night when I want too and I can walk while my the Creator plays video games. and he can get on and walk off all his post-workday energy that drives me crazy some times when I just want to relax and he feels that he NEEDS to do something.
All in all, I think the treadmill will be a good thing for both of us. And, I have a sister-in-law who has decided that we should workout together in our own homes so we are both going to start the Couch to 5K on the same day and cheer each other on. That way we can (again) workout on our own schedules but aim at the same goal.
I hope this helps me because I'm ready to find the thinner me.
Besides, I have to get in shape if I want to go to Disneyland in February and not have it bee like last time when I was at my heaviest and I was so tired and worn out and my feet hurt like crazy after only 2 days and I still had 2 days left. I don't want to do that again. I want to get from one end of the park to the other without dying or having my butt get stuck on one of the rides in their tiny little seats.
Alright, that is all for this morning. It's time to get to work.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Movie Watching

Our usual rentals:

Crank 2: High Voltage

Last Chance Harvey

Eagle Eye

 

Things we own:

Farscape, Seasons 3 and 4

Farscape: The Peace Keeper Wars

 

In Honor of Lari this month:

Help!

Toys

Meet Me in St. Louis

 

Listen to the Cat Carol

Read

The Cat Carol Lyrics

here.

don't cry.

The worlds saddest song.

 Seriously, I sat here at my desk and just started crying. I'm such a sap.

 

*~*~*~*~~

 

 

The Cat Carol

The cat wanted in to the warm warm house,
but no one would let the cat in
It was cold outside on Christmas Eve,
She meowed and meowed by the door.

The cat was not let in the warm warm house,
And her tiny cries were ignored.
'twas a blizzard now, the worst of the year,
There was no place for her to hide.

Just then a poor little mouse crept by,
He had lost his way in the snow.
He was on his last legs and was almost froze,
The cat lifted him with her paw.

She said "Poor mouse do not be afraid,
because this is Christmas Eve.
"On this freezing night we both need a friend,
"I won't hurt you - stay by my side."

She dug a small hole in an icy drift,
This is where they would spent the night.
She curled herself 'round her helpless friend,
Protecting him from the cold.

Oooooo

When Santa came by near the end of the night,
the reindeer started to cry.
They found the cat lying there in the snow,
and they could see that she had died.

They lifted her up from the frozen ground,
and placed her into the sleigh.
It was then they saw the little mouse wrapped up,
she had kept him warm in her fur.

"Oh thank you Santa for finding us!
"Dear cat wake up we are saved!"
..."I'm sorry mouse but your friend has died,
there's nothing more we can do.

"On Christmas Eve she gave you her life,
the greatest gift of them all."
Santa lifted her up into the night sky,
and laid her to rest among the stars.

"Dear mouse don't cry you are not alone,
you will see your friend every year.
"Each Christmas a Cat Constellation will shine,
to remind us that her love's still here."

Oooooooo

Update about me ..

Well, I had my appointment with an actual MD - OB/GYN instead of my CNM yesterday. It was my initial consultation for "infertility". It went pretty well aside from the fact that she was running back and forth between her office and the birthing center because she had a laboring mother and a distressed baby. I waited in the waiting room for an hour, and then in her office for another 45 minutes before she ever showed up. Understandable, yes, but completely frustrating. I almost got up and walked out several times.  It stressful enough already admitting to someone outside of my family that it's taken so long to get pregnant, but being forced to sit in an office for 2 hours stressing over it and losing courage and thinking about all the things my insurance wont cover... it was killing me.

 

I finally said I'm leaving in 15 minutes of she doesn't show... and then she arrived. We discussed all the usual. How long have you been trying? How much do you weigh? Did your mom have problems? Are you shaped like your mom? Has your husband had a sperm analysis? What do you eat? What did you have for dinner last night? What are your cycles like? How long? How much? Last one? Blah blah blah… and all these questions were punctuated by her ringing phone and her having to pop out of the office again and again.

 

Ugh!

 

In the end it was concluded that I need to lose weight. At least 10% meaning 23 lbs according to the scale at her office yesterday.  That was really no surprise to me, I know I’m over-weight, thanks for pointing that out. Again.

 

I have also been scheduled to go in on 1/25 for a Sonohystogram. That’s my 8^th anniversary.. What a fun way to spend the afternoon together :P

 

It’s supposed to be done 5-7 days after the first day for menses, so if my system follows the pattern it has been, it will fall in that area. However, if it comes early or late I have to reschedule the whole thing. While they are doing the sonohystogram they are going to shoot some air bubbles up my tubes to make sure they are clear.

 

That’s the first step. She is putting this all under coding for Anovulatory so the insurance company will cover it.  Nice for me. She didn’t take any blood or do any tests yesterday because she was so busy, but she is requesting all the blood-work from our family doctor that was done a few months ago, when I was having my crazy dizzy spells, so she can see what tests she doesn’t have to run.

 

Now I’m one step closer to knowing what is wrong with me and why on earth I can’t get pregnant. I’m afraid that in the end I’ll just fall into that “Unexplained” category and just worry and fret for the rest of my fertile years about why I can’t have the one thing I want the most in life.  But it is a step.

Music

I have had a lot on my mind lately, but I haven't really had the time or energy to sit down and write it out either for my blog or for myself. I really do need to start keeping a journal, but some days that's just too much to ask of me. And if I did go back to journaling, do I go back and cover the last eight years of my life, or do I just start with today and go forward?

Lets touch on some of the "things" going on in my life:

First of all, I have been wanting to write a post about music. Or most notably, the lack of it in my life for the last few years.

Note: As many of you may remember, the Creator and I stopped listening to the radio back in December of 2007 when my favorite DJ vanished from the airwaves. I still will not listen to 101.9, but my opinions about the radio are changing.

Since we stopped listening to the radio I have had more time in my life to peruse my 400+ CD collection and rediscover some old ditties that I have missed over the years, but I have also discovered that there are a lot of songs I miss that I don’t (or didn’t) own. Here is where iTunes comes into play.

Note: iTunes is dangerous.

I have also borrowed a lot of different music from siblings and friends to complete my collections. I have discovered a lot of music I love, but a lot of music that I can’t stand.
I like to think of myself as a well rounded music connoisseur, however there is a limit to my love.

Due to recent developments, though, we have been forced to turn back on the radio and see what else is out there.

What recent events you may be wondering?
For starters, the CD player in my car refuses to eject the current CD. Thank Heavens that the disk in there is an MP3 disk with 160 song on, or that would be annoying… but than again, listening to the same 160 songs again and again and again also gets annoying….
Secondly, the Creator and I had discussed a few months ago that we needed some new music to spice up our regular hum-drum selections.

Tangent: I hate Hate HATE not being able to eject the CD that’s in the player. I wish I could listen to MY Christmas music in the car. I want to make a CD of all MY new music so I can listen to what I want. But the stereo is built into the dash in this crazy square shape. Can I buy a replacement for it that wont bee to small or to wide or to big that will look right and be self (or brother) installed. Or do I have to take it to the freakin’ dealer and have them charge me an arm and a leg to get it fixed?? And why on earth is there and AUX button if I can’t hook anything up to it? I’d like to just be able to plug in my iPod and call it good, that way I wouldn’t have to worry about a stuck CD or what station I was listening to.

Since it came down to only having one CD to listen to in the car, one day I pushed the AM/FM button and opened myself up to the world of new music.

FYI: What stations do I listen to now:
My 99.5
Movin’ 100.7
The Mix 107.9

There is a lot of pretty good new stuff out there that I have missed over the last few years.

When Lady GaGa opened for the New Kids on the Block last November I was unimpressed. She looked like trash, and the music was terrible. Since then I have decided that it may have just been the acoustics of the E-Center because I like most of her music that I have heard. It fun, catchy and it’s got a beat you can dance to (even though I do not dance.) It’s the kind of music you can jack up the volume on the stereo and just enjoy the beat.

Sad to say a Miley Cirus song has also been added to our repertoire. It started out as just a fun song on the radio that we would mock every time it came on. And soon we found ourselves singing along and enjoying it, and then it needed to be added to the iPod so we bought it. I didn’t know, until I clicked the “buy” button in iTunes, that the song belonged to Hanna Montana herself. But we like it, and are proud of it.

Another song that I have struggled with liking is “Tik Toc” by Ke$ha. It’s a dumb song, but I find it gets stuck in my head all the time…



But one of the most annoying parts about that song is how it perfectly transitions into L’Trimm and “Cars That Go Boom”



Note: I find myself saying all the time “We're Tigre and bunny and we like the boom. We like the cars, the cars that go boom”

Tangent: Tigra and Bunny take me back to the days of “The Boom Box” and my older brother installing car stereos. It seemed there was always a car on the lawn and a speaker box half constructed kicking around the house. But most of all it takes me to the sound. I like the “boooom” give me a subwoofer any day over the tinny sound of a factory issued car stereo. I secretly loved to ride in the back seat of Z’s old blue and tan Mustang when the subwoofers were thumping. I love the feeling of my teeth rattling and feeling the sound rumble through my chest. To this day I love going to movies that are so loud you can feel the noise. When the explosions are so loud it rumbles your entire body. Love it. Those days are the reason I put out the extra dough for the Subwoofer on my computer. “Cars That Go Boom” makes me smaile every time.
Sub-Tangent: I recall a car ride in the back of previously mentioned Mustang with a song thumping in the back ground. The only words to the song that I can remember are “Milk and Cereal” can any of my brothers fill me in on what that annoying song was?
Sub-sub-Tangent: Speaking of annoying songs, Periodically I also get the Korn version of “Knick Knack Paddy-Whack” stuck in my head. Ugh! But then it turns to The Blood Hound Gang and it alternates between “The Roof is On Fire” and “Why’s Everybody Always Pickin’ on Me”

And then, just yesterday, after a great moral struggle, I purchased “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas. I don’t want to like them. I don’t want to listen to their music, but this song got stuck with the Creator after the U2 concert and it was a must buy for him. He likes it. And I will begrudgingly admit that I like it too.

Well, This blog is getting super long so I’ll stop with the music discussion for now, but you can expect it to continue at some point further along the way because I recently acquired a lot of music from my brother-in-law and the CD’s that used to belong to Lariann. Right now they’re in plastic grocery bags that keep getting moved from one end of the house to the other… as of last night they are sitting in the doorway of the spare room and the black abyss that becomes for anything that gets put in there. I’ll have to get to them soon before they are swallowed up.

Ha Ha ... I'm one of "those" people

How do you move and Item out of your house within an hour?

Make the item as cool as possible.

 

 

Really, can you top that?

I really think that Data and Darth helped sell the cat house.

I posted this ad on ksl.com last night at 6:20pm...

The thing was sold and out of my house by 7:17pm.

Nice, huh?

 

 

Random Liz' information

I had to fill this out for work today so I thought I'd add it to my blog. Random information about me.

 

I am…

 

Name	Elizabeth “Liz” Evans
Job Title	Credentialing Coordinator
Previous jobs in company	Former Oklahoma Plan Lead, Currently the Altius Plan Lead and Arkansas Plan Lead
Length of time in CVC	A little over 2 years
Length of time in company	A little over 2 years
Hobbies & Interests	Sleeping, Reading, Writing, Painting, Photography, Singing, Stars, Rain, RPG Video Games, Dungeons and Dragons, Cats, Blogging
Family/Significant Other/Children	Married to John since 1/25/2002
Pets	I have 2 cats, Mahana and Noranti (Ma-HA-na and No-RAN-tea) Ages 5 years and 4 years respectively.
Things I did in a “previous life” (before CHC)	I have worked in the world of Credentialing for almost 7 years now. My previous job was at CompHealth in their CVO for nearly 5 years. Before that I had many, many jobs that covered all the basics – ie, KB Toys, Intercontinental Hotel Reservations, JC Penney Catalog call center, Merchandising at the local amusement park called Lagoon, Nanny for 4 kids, Candy department at the local department store, and I even sold popcorn  at a movie theater. I think there was even one day of Hotel Housekeeping in there somewhere and another day of telemarketing, but since those were only 8 hours each I forget about them most of the time.
One statement that describes me	“ARRRRRGH!”
Other things I would like people to know about me	Favorite Movies: Stardust, Ever After, Troll, Tristan & Isolde, The Chronicles of Riddick, Transporter, Moulin Rouge, Star Wars: Episode I, Sliding Doors, Watcher in the Woods, Disney’s Hercules, The Mummy Favorite Music: U2, Cherie Call, New Kids on the Block, BNL, Dave Matthews Band, Hootie and the Blowfish, Most Musicals   Favorite Books: The Princess Bride, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Herman the Brave Pig, The Wheel of Time Series, Lord of the Flies, The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Phantom of the Opera   Favorite Holiday: Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th – every year)

Request for change -

Dear Santa,

Forget all of my other requests. All we NEED for Christmas this year is a Snow Blower.

Thanks.

Nov 18th Cycle

Everybody Can-Can!!

Hi Everyone! Happy December. :)

 

Well, I don’t even know where to begin. John and I both ended up with Strep last week. That was no fun for us, but we are feeling much better now. I hate being sick. I hate having a sore throat, I hate the Doctor’s office…  It’s bad enough when one of us is sick, heaven forbid we’re both sick at the same time that makes 2 very angry tired and irritable people in my house. But we survived. I was a little worried about my temps this week since I was feverish for 3 days last week (100 degrees +), but it looks like I may have Ovulated on Saturday. My chart doesn’t show it yet since it’s only been 2 days of high temps, but I’m pretty sure that Saturday was the day.

 

I have an official appointment with a new OB/GYN on 12/22 for an initial evaluation for infertility. I think my insurance will cover the initial evaluation, but I’m not 100% sure, so this will be interesting to see what I’m billed for. But seriously, I’m 3.5 years into TTC, I ovulate pretty much every month with regular cycles and ever since I learned charting “timing” has been pretty spot on for the months we really focus on it… There just isn’t anything else I can guess would be the problem except maybe John or my weight. I do have PCOS, but it’s not that disruptive with my system. I’m afraid I may just fall into that “unexplained infertility” category.  I am not going to an Reproductive Endocrinologist yet because that is REALLY not covered by my insurance, but we’ll see what the OB can get away with that the CNM couldn’t.

 

I do hear random snippets of conversation once in a while from my mother-n-law about her children being a struggle to conceive. But I’m too much of a chicken to ask those probing questions about who the issue was with while TTC their 4 kids or if they had to see a doctor about it in the first place. I don’t know what the Infertility world was like back between 1976-1982. As for my parents they had 6 kids in 8 years so my mom never struggled with infertility and can’t seem to understand what my problem is. My mom is really no help to me most days, she just infuriates me when the topic of grandkids comes up. I guess I just need to suck-it-up and ask my mother-in-law the questions I want answered. Because if she and the father-in-law had problems conceiving their kids could that impact John and his fertility?

 

One of the ladies I talk to online is 11 weeks pregnant today. It is so exciting that she’s getting a beautiful baby. I’m still just waiting for my turn, but I have finally learned that it’s okay that I don’t have one, and it’s not someone else’s fault that I’m bitter. It’s taken a while, but I think I’m finally off the bitter train when it comes to babies… sure, there are still tears now and then, but not so much resentment as there once was. Now I’m just excited for all the new babies that are coming my way. :)

 

~*~*~

We are now into the Months of Horror in my house. Starting at Thanksgiving it’s nonstop holiday fun until February. . .  December – Ugh! – It’s one of those months that I dread all year long because of all the social events I’m expected to attend. I hate being social. But I had one Christmas party last week, one this week, two next week and the week after that is Christmas. Then New Years and then it’s January. To start, January 13 is my birthday, January 25 is my anniversary, February 5 is John’s birthday. Feb 14 is Valentines day… and by Valentines day we are burnt out with holidays so we usually don’t celebrate that one. It’s action packed fun, I tell you, but I’d give anything just to glaze over them and have it be April already. :P

 

It is currently between 18-25 degrees here in the day time and I just want to be in bed with some hot chocolate and a space heater. Ugh! I haven’t even started on Christmas cards this year. I think I might just do email cards and call it good. That way I’m saving stamps and trees… but I do like to get mail so I know that someone else on my mailing list likes to get mail once in a while too.

 

Hmmmm… what else? Well, today is my Lariann’s birthday . She would be 27… It’s been a weird day to say the least. I do okay most of the time until I look up and see her picture here on my cubicle wall. And then I get a little teary-eyed and I have to refocus on my work. John and I are taking his other little sister, Rachel, out to dinner tonight because this is the first December 7^th she has ever had to spend without Lari. Rachel’s birthday is on 12/22 and they were only 11 months apart so they had been together since the day Lari was born and she is having a hard time having her gone. So I have to give Rachel extra love today. She needs it.

It’s also weird to think that Scott is dating again. About 3 months ago he randomly dropped into conversation that he was on LDSSingles.com. I thought that was odd and wondered if it was his choice, or his dad’s. Then a few weeks ago he mentioned that he was dating someone. I mean, it’s been over 6 months since she passed away, but it’s still weird. However, I firmly believe that their little girl needs a mommy so if he is okay dating again, then I guess I am too. Nice thing is, is that he is currently dating someone I know and love so that makes it a little easier to agree with. Rachel is not happy about him dating, but she’s worried that he’ll get married and take Lucy and vanish into the night. He wont, but she worries. He hasn’t spent a lot of time with the family since Lari passed, but I think it’s because we remind him so much of her. He’s one of those guys who doesn’t like others to know what’s going on with him, or that he is hurting, but he misses Lari, and he shows it in a million little things that he probably doesn’t think anyone notices.

To night we’re going to her grave to mark the date. Mom wants to sing happy birthday, but I have issues singing Happy Birthday to a tombstone. I think I’ll just take her some flowers and call it good and eat one of the doughnuts provided. We’re going to dinner at one of Lari’s favorite spots “Javier’s” I think I’ll watch Moulin Rouge tonight when I finally get home, just to honor her.

 

Happy Birthday Lari.

HAVE YOU SEEN ME?

 MISSING:

 

Last Seen: ??? I don't remember... probably the last time John beat the game.

 

Edition : 2006 Product Dimensions: 8.25" wide x 10.50" long x 0.75" tall
Publisher: Random House Information Group Weight: 2.33 lbs.
Binding: Trade Paper
Number of Pages 432
Language: English

 

*Platform Specific -Written from the GameCube version of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess * Every item is covered in Prima's Guide- All 24 Golden Bugs, 60 Poes, 45 Pieces of Heart, Fairies, Rare Gold Chu locations, Dig spot caverns, Overworld and Dungeon treasure chests, and every single Rupee location in the entire game world revealed. * Premier Maps -Exclusive maps for every Dungeon in the game * Pull Out Map -Giant poster map of the Overworld to help keep you oriented in the kingdom of Hyrule. *Linked Cover Art -Exclusive cover for the GameCube version of the guide.

 

If you have my guide, or know where it is, please return it to me, the rightful owner, and no harm will come to you.

I'm just selfish, I guess....

Since I'm sure everyone has already bought me my Christmas presents, I'd like to offer up this small item that I would like to receive for my birthday... it is in 49 days you know.

 

After all that complaining...

look waht got installed today.


http://peartree4000.blogspot.com/2009/11/finally.html

it's about time

Finally!

Tombstones and annoyances

It has been 185 days of no Lariann, she passed away on May 9, 2009. It is now November.

 

The family ordered a tombstone for Lari in June. It should have been in place by the end of July... delay. It should have been in place mid-August.... delay. It should have been in place by the end of September... delay. It should be in place mid-October... delay. It should be in within the week... delay.

 

I guess the person who they have making the tombstone isn't completely at fault. The first try was delayed because he was just slow. The second try was delayed because the Kaysville Cemetery had changed their size requirements since the last time he had placed a monument there (granted he should have read the paper work that was given to him) so he had to take the stone back and resize it, then have it approved by the family. The 4th and 5th tries were because he was lazy... and the last attempt is because as he was resizing and preparing the stone for transport... It broke.

 

So I have come to two conclusions on this....

 

Either A) Ken is completely incompetent

or B) Lariann just doesn't want a tombstone

 

Since I'm pretty sure that Lariann doesn't have a say (or care) about this, and though I profess to being in a believer of ghost, paranormal activity, and poltergeist phenomenon... I would hope and believe that Lariann is at peace and has better things to do with her time in the eternities (like watch over her daughter, further the work of the Lord and prepare the way for those who would follow) then to torment a poor tombstone maker.

 

Thus leaving the Ken is incompetent theory as my only reasonable answer.

 

I do feel a slight (more then slight) bit of responsibility for this ongoing issue. I am the one who suggested* that the family go to Ken because he works with John and seemed to be a reasonable guy.

 

*John had forgotten that Ken made tombstones so it was I that brought it up. And, being in the "john's friend" category he was willing to offer a discount.

 

But over the months since the stone was ordered Ken has failed on so many things. Starting with his failure to read the paper work given to him regarding city requirements. Then, instead of contacting Scott or Lari's parents, who are the ones paying for the stone, he calls and whines to John that the city changed its regulations, he just hasn't had time, the stone is to big, the weather is to bad... blah blah blah. all things he should be discussing with the people who PURCHASED the stone, not John.

 

Finally, several weeks ago (the beginning of October) Ken had called John to say something about the stone and John flat out told him to "JUST PUT IN THE STONE" that's what the family wants and it's taken long enough. This final time as Ken was making sure the stone was cut to the specific requirements it broke*... Really? Are you serious? What does one have to put up with just to get a marker for their dead loved one?

 

*I guess it's a little blessing that it broke now and not 10-40 years down the road, this way HE has to pay for it and not the family.

 

So that’s the story with the tombstone… as of last night it still wasn’t there. The last word I heard is that the stone should be installed by Thanksgiving. Will it happen? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

 

By-the-way, I will NEVER refer anyone to Ken for their monument needs again. This is one customer who is absolutely NOT satisfied.

Hear ye. Hear ye. I finished a book

The Gathering Storm - by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson

 

I have been waiting for this book to be written since the last book was published in 2005. I don't know why I have been so addicted to this series since my attention span for books usually doesn't expand beyond a few thousand pages. But I love it and therefore I read it. I even got most of the Melot family hooked on them as well ... MuHA ha haha ha ha ha ha! cough cough cough. (darn asthma reeks havoc on evil laughing.) Ahem! ...Anyway, this here is my review and some thoughts and feelings, on Wheel of Time Book 12: The Gathering Storm.

I finished reading this book last night. around 9:30 pm. I have been reading it since 10/29/09 off and on in the evenings and a little during my lunch breaks. It wasn't terribly hard to set down and go do something else until I hit the Egwene chapters.

As a whole, this book was pretty good. I do have some complaints about it, mainly the over use of metaphors. I think it averaged out to about one per page for the 766 pages of the novel. Oh, and SO MANY sentences that were formed as questions that I personally felt that it didn't need. It drove me crazy... this is like that. That is like this. what are the heroes to do?

Please, Please, Please find some other way to describe something other then the usage of metaphors, similes and leading questions! I can, and I'm not even a professional writer! ugh!

There was also a lot of redundancies, one paragraph would say the exact same thing as the one above it just worded differently. Once you state the point of what you're saying, move on, it doesn't need to be repeated six times. The people reading the WOT series are smart enough to get it on the first run through.

Another thing I also hated, but can get over, is that the author re-introduced all the characters giving a brief back story to all of them taking up so much time that could have been spent furthering the plot.... but on the other hand out of the 11 previous books there were times when it became annoying when characters would appear again after 3 or 4 books of not being on screen and you have to stop and say "wait, am I supposed to know this person??" Robert Jordan believed that his readers were smart enough to figure it out, and Brandon Sanderson seems to be dumbing it all down a little too much.

For the most part I did enjoy the book. I was enthralled by White Tower plot line and the things that were revealed. This story arc above all others in all the novels has kept my attention the most. I desperately wanted the struggles to be resolved and the way it happened (finally!) was pretty good and I was satisfied. There were some nice ends to some smaller plot lines that fit into the White Tower arc, and a revelation about a certain Aes Sedai that I had pretty much put together for myself over the years.

There were some characters in the book that were a little off from how Robert Jordan had written them. Aviendha was a bit whinny for me. Perrin seemed too dismissive. Rand is just a plain ol' jerk (that's nothing new, just a different perspective of it) Thom was too broody... and even though there was ample room to let some other minor characters shine they were just kind of glazed over. I have heard a lot of complaints about Mat's character, but for the most part I found him to still be okay for the most part. But I have always thought that Mat was well written because that is the character that maybe Robert Jordan had based on himself, so having someone else come in and take over a character that was  someone else's personal image in writing it is bound to make the character different. Thus it is for all of the WOT people. They are being written by someone else so they're different because that's how Brandon Sanderson has written them.

I found the end of the book hard to read. It really lost my attention at some points and I found myself reading the same pages more then once because I just couldn't focus. I guess I just didn't really care what happened to the character at that point after all the build up and all the stupid that I read throughout the entire book. Really!?! that's it? Grr.

But like I said. As a WHOLE, I did enjoy the book. I cried a little, I laughed a little and I spent too many nights up way past the time I should have been asleep. I'm still looking forward to reading the Towers of Midnight a year from now, hopefully by the time it comes out they'll have edited out all the useless writing flaws and have a great penultimate book for us fans to read... I'm waiting.

I Might Go Crazy....

give me a juggernaut heart and a japanese car

The past  few days I have had an irrational desire to just put my head down and cry.

Why? I don't really know.

However, for yesterday and today I have pin-pointed my depression down to this picture:

 

 

Which I would like to discuss at length.

 

While the picture itself is masterfully done, and has the potential for Uber-Greatness... I can't get past the shape of my arms, the belly-roll, the double chin, the lard hump on my shoulders, the dimple on my elbow, etc etc... ack! I could go on and on. I looked at this photo yesterday and nearly broke down in tears sitting at work.

 

I've tried to have a more positive outlook on who I am and how I'm shaped, but there comes a day or a moment when I see myself and loose all rational thought about myself and all I see are the flaws and it eats at me.

 

How can I be so Fat!

 

Is this how other people see me, or am I just overly hard on myself?

 

I look terrible. I feel terrible, and there are days when I can literally FEEL myself getting fatter.

 

Some times I get these great bursts of desire to do something - exercise, eat better, be more prayerful... but it fades, quickly. I don't know what beats me down the fastest - Lets discuss these:

• My own lack of desire/self depreciating actions and thoughts - This, above all else, is the breaking point for all the goals I ever set and never reach. (I.e. cleaning out the second bedroom, weight loss, ladies night, more social time with family, work advancements, staying in contact with people, rebuilding lost relationships... etc. All have failed) I am the hardest on myself.
• Lack of spousal support - Now, I'm not saying that John is mean to me, or that we have any sort of troubles in our marriage, all I'm saying is that he says he supports me and the things I want to do, but actions speak otherwise. For example, I say I'd like to go walking and he says just tell him when I'm ready, but when I do, whatever he is doing at the moment (usually video gaming) seems more important to him then walking with me.  Then there's the constant battle of he'll do this but not that. He'll eat this but not that. The "you're beautiful to me" statement at the times when I just want some understanding. He just doesn't know how it feels to be a fat girl. Plain and simple.
• The Dark One's taint - Depression, Self-doubt, Insecurities. All tools of Satan. I know this, I hate it, but I can't seem to rise above it. I just feel defeated. I hate church. I am not a fan of serving others. I can't stand the statement "just have faith" and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, a rather bleak view.

I think Depression weighs more on my life then I ever really thought it would. And we have to admit, I have had A LOT of triggers over the past several years between the deaths in my life, job stability/satisfaction for me and/or John, the baby issues, health issues, loss of friendships. I think I have a right to feel like crap most days.

 

Tangent: Unfortunately for me, I was raised in a house when nothing was ever discussed and feelings, injuries, disorders, and people, were dismissed as "all in your head," or "not as bad as you think."

I never would have thought to ever go to my parents and tell them I was depressed or fat or what my actual feeling about anything were.. oh, and heaven forbid we ever approach the topic of sex. I don't know that it was actually the parents doing, or if it was a cumulative effect of being the youngest and having 5 other siblings telling me that what I liked was stupid and generally missing out on things because I was just not included. What does this do to a person? It causes them to bottle up their feelings and just let resentment build.

There are things that I just have a hard time talking about with my mother (and in general) like Infertility, depression, and how I feel. I have pushed myself to be more open with her over the past several years but it's a hard thing to do. Here I can write my thoughts and feeling on a blog for the world to read, but make me sit down with someone I love and I clam up and what's important never gets said.

I remember the first time I spoke to her after being medicated for depression. She seriously told me that I was fine and that I didn't need to be medicated. (Because THAT's what you should say to someone who has depression issues, sure.) But she's not the one who couldn't bring herself to leave the house and more often then not spent hours crying on my couch and avoiding 'real life'.  So these days when the subject of grandchildren comes up and why there is none, I try to be frank and up front with her, but she doesn't understand and can't empathize with me. She herself had more kids then she knew what to do with and spent the entire decade of the 70's in maternity clothes. I just don't think she understands me at all when it comes to the topic of infertility.

It the way I was raised has made it hard to open up and talk to people. Some days I think maybe I need counseling, but who says I'd want to talk to a counselor either.

 

And what is the deal with my body revolting against me. Its ovulation time I'm supposed to feel great and sexy and be more appealing to the opposite sex. I should have more energy and an increased sex drive. I should be at the peak of my womanliness. But I just feel angry and hormonal and tired and non-romantic and I have no sex drive and I just want to either cry or read a book by myself. . . tell me, how is the language my body exhibiting supposed to help in conceiving?? I'm never going to get pregnant this way.

 

What it all boils down to is basically  - fester fester fester, rot rot rot

I'm just sick of myself today

 

I'm early this year...

Christmas is coming,

The Liz is getting fat.

Please to put a penny in the poor John's hat.

 

If you haven't got a penny a hay penny will do,

If you haven't got a hay penny then God bless you..... 

 

So here is my Christmas list this year. Over all I don't find myself too wanting in 2009:

 

Kindle:

 

 

Gladys Knight - One Voice:

 

 

 

and one of these.... My own please, I don't want a pre-used one. Thanx.

 

No water for the weekend makes my plant sad.

Some Books I Love

             

 

I picked up this series of books several months ago to fill my head with nonsense after Lariann died. Reading was a good distraction from the trauma of real life.I read a lot of book the months following, but these are the only ones I have decided I want in my personal collection. The Luxe, Rumors and Envy were a joy to read.

These books follow the life path or 4 young women between 1899-1900 as young New York City Socialites: Elizabeth, Diana, Penelope, and Carolina and their trials and tribulations and the rise and fall of their stars.

I fell in love with the characters and found myself rooting for them in their times of triumph and sad for them in their times of need. I was sad to discover, after reading Envy back in June that it was not in fact the last book and I had to wait until October to read Splendor. I preordered the novel several months ago and have just been waiting and waiting for it to arrive.

 

I received Splendor in the mail on Tuesday afternoon and finished this book at 12:38 am this morning. As a whole, it took me less the 7 hours total to get through. It has been a while sine I have been so involved in a book that I haven't been able to put it down. I am horribly tired today and can hardly keep my eyes open, but I made the choice to stay up and now I'll pay for it. Was staying up that late to read worth it? Probably not, but I enjoyed myself.

All of the Luxe books have been incredibly addicting and I found myself truly caring about Elizabeth, Diana, Henry, Teddy and the rest of the cast again. I found myself cheering out-loud at one point and nearly heart-breakingly sad at another. Most of the time I was reading this I had a cheesy grin upon my face because I was so immersed in the lives of the characters. 
I love Loved LOVED the fact that not everyone got their happy endings. Books like that really get on my nerves sometimes, but this one wrapped up nicely. This book was a good ending to the series - everyone pretty much got what they deserved.

Now I find myself wanting more. I want to learn about the lives that were changed by the choices and decisions that were made, I want to know more about Teddy and oddly enough, I want to know more about Aunt Edith. I want the back story to how Elizabeth's father knew. I want more of these characters.

This is a book that would probably transition well into movie format, and I'm sure that they would be so much better then the Twilight movies, heck, you could probably cover all 4 books in a 2 hour movie. How about someone makes Luxe instead of wasting time turning The Host in to a movie.

 

Now it's on to read The Gathering Storm that arrived in the mail yesterday. I had a hard time not picking it up yesterday and starting to read it as soon as I opened the box, but my need to know what happened in Splendor won out over my need to see what Rand was up to... But it's on for tonight. I'll probably pick up the book when I get home from work and it will scarcely leave my hands for the next week, at least.

Which one to read?!

Spaghetti and meat ball. Yes, there is only one.

I made this

Steak with roasted red potatoes, greem beans & rosemary butter sauce

U2 10.23.09

So much to say and so little time … First of all, I think my brain went on vacation* this past weekend as well, and forgot to leave a number where I can reach it in case of emergency, and it hasn't come back yet.

*Seriously. I have made simple mistakes that for me are so stupid like mistaking The Cure for Depeche Mode and Counting Crows for Hootie and the Blowfish... Something I wouldn't normally do. And lets not even go to how long it took me to come up with the name of a U2 song (In God's Country) even though I could sing all the words to it.

The question I have been asked the most this week has been… How was U2?

Before I get to that though, let me tell you about my weekend in Vegas.

I had never been to Las Vegas before. It's never been high on my priority list. I used to think Vegas was so far away, and I guess 400 miles is far, but not as far as I thought*. I have realized as I have gotten older that the world is a much smaller place then I was led to believe.

*I remember back in High School when my friends invited me to go to St. George with them on Spring Break. My mother threw a fit because it was so far away and didn't want me to go, but because I was a responsible teenager, and stubborn to boot, I went anyway. That was my first trip away from home without my family. Over the years, and now having a sister-in-law who lives in St. George the road between here and there has gotten shorter with at least 2 trips down a year, and when you think about it, Las Vegas is just another 100 miles down the road… We've already driven this far, we might as well keep going, right.

Thursday Night…

The trip down was fun, it was just me and John and Becca. We spent Thursday night at John's sister's house* in St. George and got to visit with the family there. We watched an awesome show on VH1 about the 100 Greatest Songs of the 80's**. Great show. All the while confusing their daughter because I had introduced Becca as my "sister" and not as my "sister-in-law" and she just couldn't figure out how we were sisters and we didn't look anything alike.

*Thanks for the rooms Kristin! We really appreciated it.

** The Top 3 were:

1. Bon Jovi "Livin' on a Prayer"

 2. Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar on Me"

3. Duran Duran "Hungry Like the Wolf"

Friday morning…

The day dawned bright and early, and we sent out for Vegas with a detour along the way. We decided that since we couldn't check into our hotel until 3:00 pm we would drive over and check out Hoover Dam.

We took the scenic route down NV-169 through miles and miles of nothing. We did pass The Lost City Museum along the way, as well as the Valley of Fire*, and a little rest stop called Red Rocks (which was literally just a bunch of big red rocks with an outhouse.)

*John says to never go to The Valley of Fire. There is nothing there but red sand and snakes.

Eventually after a few construction zones in the middle of nowhere and several hours we arrived at Hoover Dam* one of the "wonders of the modern world." While there we took the Dam Tour, watched a dam movie, took some dam pictures, looked at the dam suspension bridge they're building, rubbed the toes of the dam guardians, visited the dam gift shop, bought some dam souvenirs, used the dam restrooms and then went on our dam way back to Vegas.

This detour was pretty dam fun, I had never been on the dam tour before so that was neat to me. We took the dam cheap tour for $11 per person. This dam tour took you down to the power plant and gave you some dam interesting information that took about 30 minutes. The other tour was $30 per person and took 2 hours to go through all sorts of different dam rooms and an abundance of dam** information.

*I think the Dam is cool. This was my second voyage out to the dam.

**By the time we left the dam Becca was pretty tired of us using the word dam so much, but when you're at the dam don't you just have to put the word dam into every sentence possible… We sure think so.

Eventually we made it to Las Vegas and thanks to the Garmin we found the Eastside Cannery Hotel and Casino without too much difficulty. And it turns out the hotel was basically right around the corner form Sam Boyd Stadium and we got a pretty good look at the stadium as we drove in. None of us could see the stadium from our rooms, but it was neat none-the-less.

Friday Night….

After a short rest we piled back in the car so Becca could drop us off at the stadium at 6:00 pm and she turned around and drove to the airport to pick up Norm whose flight landed at 7:00 pm.

John and I cut in line and got into the stadium in just a few minutes and joined the mosh-pit that was the merchandise stand, bought some t-shirts and pushed our way out again… Then we bought water and headed to our seats.

Our seats were great. We were in section 122, row 18, seats 2-5 just on a little diagonal angle from the stage. There were no obstructions in our view, and no people too tall of too fat to see around. The night was perfect, cool, but not too cold, clear skies and a nice breeze.

There were celebrities in the crowd and an ex-president in the press box.

Stepping into the stadium was breath  taking. The stage was huge. The crowd was electric. I was so excited to get this party started.

The stage was magnificent. One gigantic space ship in the field of people taking us all to another place to experience U2 like never before. I have to say, that THIS stage comes in 2^nd in my Top 4 favorite U2 stages.

My List*:

1. PopMart 1997
2. 360 Tour 2009
3. Elevation 2001
4. Vertigo 2005

 

*Hmmm… that's a harder list then I thought. I don't know that any of them fit in a "bottom slot" of my list. Maybe I should make it my Top 5 list even though there is no #5 and that way no one loses out.

The opening act* came on shortly after 7. It was the Black Eyed Peas. I don't like them. I would say that they sucked, but I can't decide if they sucked because they were bad, or if they sucked because I hated them. They played for about 45 minutes… I don't think it was a whole hour.

*Opening Acts for U2 that I've seen:

1997 Rage Against the Machine – sucked

2001 No Doubt – not terrible, but still not a band I listen to.

2005 Kanye West – sucked

2009 Black Eyed Peas - sucked

Ground Control to Major Tom started playing. The crowd roared, the lights went out, the stage lit up. U2 took the stage around 8:45 pm and played until well after 11:00 pm.

The concert was AWESOME! Really, that's the only description that I can come up with for it today. I loved it, I loved every minute of it. Dancing to the music I love, Singing along with the band I love, Sharing that special experience with the people I loved… All that only made it better. The crowd was awesome and you know everyone was there to see U2 and everyone there loved it.

Tangent: I don't know if I will ever be accustomed to the way people are at events outside of the state of Utah. Here, people will get their beer limit and move on, but at the U2 concert I had a hard time deciding if there was a beer limit. Most people were completely sloshed before the doors even opened, and as soon as they had their souvenirs the next stop was the beer stand. I swear everyone around us was super drunk, and the Nashvillians* who sat behind us were not only completely drunk before they came, but after the concert there were no less then 20 bottles under their seats and at least that many empty cups. This group also discussed how they had smoked their pot in the parking lot before the show and leaned over to ask John if he had any. When he replied that he did not they lady said "I know you have some and you just don't want to share" With her disappointment with John's answer she leaned over me breathing on me with her rancid beer breath and asked if I had any … yeah, sure lady, get a life.

*All of the Nashvillians behind us had to be in their late forties so their drunken stupidness was just that much more stupid in my opinion. Younger drunk kids you can just shake your head and comment on how stupid they are, but the older they get it turns from disappointment to pity.

Here's what they played.

1.Breathe
2.Get On Your Boots
3.Magnificent
4.Mysterious Ways
5.Beautiful Day "In God's Country" snippet
6.I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For "Stand By Me" and "Viva Las Vegas" snippets
7.Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
8.No Line on the Horizon
9.Elevation
10.In A Little While
11.Unknown Caller
12.Until The End Of The World
13.The Unforgettable Fire
14.City Of Blinding Lights
15.Vertigo "All These Things That I've Done" snippet
16.I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight Remix "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" and "Two Tribes" snippets
17.Sunday Bloody Sunday
18.MLK
19.Walk On "You'll Never Walk Alone" snippet

Encores:

Encore:
20.One "Amazing Grace" snippet
21.Where The Streets Have No Name

22.Ultraviolet (Light My Way)
23.With Or Without You
24.Moment of Surrender

 

By the end of the concert my ears were ringing, my head was fuzzy from all the pot smoke around us, and my voice was scratchy from all the cheering. That's how you're supposed to feel after a concert. (I prefer without the pothead, but it usually comes with the package.) It was great. I think it only took us about 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot and head back to the hotel.

I didn't get to sleep until after 2 am even though I was so tired.

Side Note: The hotel was nice. I guess it's newer so it's not so run down or smelly as other casino/hotels I have been to. Very nice, I could stay there again. One complement to the hotel – nice curtains! I didn't wake up until 8:54 am but when I opened my eyes the room was still pitch black. I loved it. I wish I had such great light blocking curtains at my house.

After getting room service for breakfast (there was an hour wait) we got ready to go out to the Strip and took off for my first experience of Las Vegas.

We went to the Outlet Stores first and did a little shopping. I got a new purse and a Pooh Bear. Then it was off to the Strip. We went to Cesar's Palace first. Wandered around for a while and did a little more souvenir shopping. John got some nifty Batmobile's from FAO Schwartz.

After a few hours there we went to MGM and looked at the lions. We walked through the casino and out to the street. We had dinner at the brand new Hard Rock Café. Went to the M&M Store, and The Coke Store… was there somewhere else? I don't remember. But that was enough for our day. We went back to the hotel. It was only 8:30 Vegas Time, but it was 9:30 Utah time. And we were all tired.

Sunday… We drove home. That is a long drive.

Well, it is now Tuesday and it is snowing here. I miss the warm weekend that I had in Vegas where the daily temperature was about 80 degrees and then we come home and it in the 40's!! Granted, I wouldn't want to live in that climate because I do enjoy the fall and some times the winter, but the idea of being a Snowbird and go to warmer weather for the winters*.

*I have always thought that Hawaii would be a nice place to live 80 degrees year round with the beach and the trees, but eventually, I think I'd feel trapped with no way off the island and then claustrophobia would set in and it wouldn't be so fun anymore.

That is the travel log. I had so much to say about the concert, but words just don't seem right. I think that to really understand the experience of a U2 concert you just have to go to one yourself.

 

I almost have John convinced that we should go to Seattle on 6/10/10 just to see them again.

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Bono Says Hi

Sit here.