Monday, December 7, 2009

Everybody Can-Can!!

Hi Everyone! Happy December. :)


Well, I don’t even know where to begin. John and I both ended up with Strep last week. That was no fun for us, but we are feeling much better now. I hate being sick. I hate having a sore throat, I hate the Doctor’s office…  It’s bad enough when one of us is sick, heaven forbid we’re both sick at the same time that makes 2 very angry tired and irritable people in my house. But we survived. I was a little worried about my temps this week since I was feverish for 3 days last week (100 degrees +), but it looks like I may have Ovulated on Saturday. My chart doesn’t show it yet since it’s only been 2 days of high temps, but I’m pretty sure that Saturday was the day.


I have an official appointment with a new OB/GYN on 12/22 for an initial evaluation for infertility. I think my insurance will cover the initial evaluation, but I’m not 100% sure, so this will be interesting to see what I’m billed for. But seriously, I’m 3.5 years into TTC, I ovulate pretty much every month with regular cycles and ever since I learned charting “timing” has been pretty spot on for the months we really focus on it… There just isn’t anything else I can guess would be the problem except maybe John or my weight. I do have PCOS, but it’s not that disruptive with my system. I’m afraid I may just fall into that “unexplained infertility” category.  I am not going to an Reproductive Endocrinologist yet because that is REALLY not covered by my insurance, but we’ll see what the OB can get away with that the CNM couldn’t.


I do hear random snippets of conversation once in a while from my mother-n-law about her children being a struggle to conceive. But I’m too much of a chicken to ask those probing questions about who the issue was with while TTC their 4 kids or if they had to see a doctor about it in the first place. I don’t know what the Infertility world was like back between 1976-1982. As for my parents they had 6 kids in 8 years so my mom never struggled with infertility and can’t seem to understand what my problem is. My mom is really no help to me most days, she just infuriates me when the topic of grandkids comes up. I guess I just need to suck-it-up and ask my mother-in-law the questions I want answered. Because if she and the father-in-law had problems conceiving their kids could that impact John and his fertility?


One of the ladies I talk to online is 11 weeks pregnant today. It is so exciting that she’s getting a beautiful baby. I’m still just waiting for my turn, but I have finally learned that it’s okay that I don’t have one, and it’s not someone else’s fault that I’m bitter. It’s taken a while, but I think I’m finally off the bitter train when it comes to babies… sure, there are still tears now and then, but not so much resentment as there once was. Now I’m just excited for all the new babies that are coming my way. :)



We are now into the Months of Horror in my house. Starting at Thanksgiving it’s nonstop holiday fun until February. . .  December – Ugh! – It’s one of those months that I dread all year long because of all the social events I’m expected to attend. I hate being social. But I had one Christmas party last week, one this week, two next week and the week after that is Christmas. Then New Years and then it’s January. To start, January 13 is my birthday, January 25 is my anniversary, February 5 is John’s birthday. Feb 14 is Valentines day… and by Valentines day we are burnt out with holidays so we usually don’t celebrate that one. It’s action packed fun, I tell you, but I’d give anything just to glaze over them and have it be April already. :P


It is currently between 18-25 degrees here in the day time and I just want to be in bed with some hot chocolate and a space heater. Ugh! I haven’t even started on Christmas cards this year. I think I might just do email cards and call it good. That way I’m saving stamps and trees… but I do like to get mail so I know that someone else on my mailing list likes to get mail once in a while too.


Hmmmm… what else? Well, today is my Lariann’s birthday . She would be 27… It’s been a weird day to say the least. I do okay most of the time until I look up and see her picture here on my cubicle wall. And then I get a little teary-eyed and I have to refocus on my work. John and I are taking his other little sister, Rachel, out to dinner tonight because this is the first December 7th she has ever had to spend without Lari. Rachel’s birthday is on 12/22 and they were only 11 months apart so they had been together since the day Lari was born and she is having a hard time having her gone. So I have to give Rachel extra love today. She needs it.

It’s also weird to think that Scott is dating again. About 3 months ago he randomly dropped into conversation that he was on I thought that was odd and wondered if it was his choice, or his dad’s. Then a few weeks ago he mentioned that he was dating someone. I mean, it’s been over 6 months since she passed away, but it’s still weird. However, I firmly believe that their little girl needs a mommy so if he is okay dating again, then I guess I am too. Nice thing is, is that he is currently dating someone I know and love so that makes it a little easier to agree with. Rachel is not happy about him dating, but she’s worried that he’ll get married and take Lucy and vanish into the night. He wont, but she worries. He hasn’t spent a lot of time with the family since Lari passed, but I think it’s because we remind him so much of her. He’s one of those guys who doesn’t like others to know what’s going on with him, or that he is hurting, but he misses Lari, and he shows it in a million little things that he probably doesn’t think anyone notices.

To night we’re going to her grave to mark the date. Mom wants to sing happy birthday, but I have issues singing Happy Birthday to a tombstone. I think I’ll just take her some flowers and call it good and eat one of the doughnuts provided. We’re going to dinner at one of Lari’s favorite spots “Javier’s” I think I’ll watch Moulin Rouge tonight when I finally get home, just to honor her.


Happy Birthday Lari.

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