Thursday, September 24, 2009

Depression and Disappointments

found this article on the comcast news yesterday. Its about a woman who was implanted with the wrong embryo at her fertility clinic and how the pregnant couple are giving the baby back to its biological parents. When I first read this I was stunned to silence, I couldn't even come up with a coherent sentence about it, but now I'm just sad for them. I think that would be so traumatic on the part of both families but I'm impressed at the decision that they have made. I don't know if I could do that.  I also think it's totally sad that the woman carrying the child isn't going to try again after this birth because she to old (40!? that's not too old) I think in the end the whole story is just heart breaking.

Once or twice back when we were super poor I looked in to being a Surrogate because it pays really well (upwards of $100,000 - $200,000 to the right families) but in the end I decided that that was just something I could NOT do. I can't imagine carrying a baby for all those months and not being able to keep it. I don't think I'd ever get over that. So that idea passed in the wind.
Then there was another story on the internet about a lady who was already pregnant and managed to conceive again about 3 weeks after her first baby was conceived. They say they are not twins and can tell because their growth early on would be about the same even though twins can vary in size to each other later in the pregnancy. By ultrasound measurements and gestation age one baby is 2 and 1/2 weeks behind the other at least. One is due at the end of the year and one the beginning of next year. Here it is that I can't even manage to get pregnant once and she catches 2 eggs in 3 weeks!
I think I've just been having a crappie past few days because AF is supposed to show Monday (probably over the weekend) and my hormones are just ramping up for super PMS day. My temp dropped today so I'm sure she's on her way. Boo! 

I recently found out that one of my friends mom's has cancer. This mom had been like a mom to me too, and I love her so much. Learning about her condition has really put me in kind of an emotional roller coaster because it makes me think about Lariann. Last Saturday was the 3 year anniversary of the day her tumor made itself known. It's been a hard week for me & john. He's struggling with the meaning of it all, and I can't say I blame him. I have been thinking about what I missed out on telling her and hugging her and being with her in the last few weeks she was alive and it just doesn't seem right.
Then one thing leads to another and my train of thought touches on all the friends I have had that have passed away in just the last 4 years... This Saturday will be the 4 year anniversary of my cousin Ryan's death (September 26, 2005). Its crazy to think its been that long because it all seems so close to me and I've had to go to funeral after funeral once every 6 months for a while and now it seems like once a year for people my age that are my friends or family or both. It just doesn't seem fair some days.
I don't really have anything else to say today, I'm having a hard day, I have been thinking about my little sister and how much I miss her. I just need to soldier forward and get through it.

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