Monday, August 3, 2009

An email I never sent to a friend

I just wanted to respond to your texts that I have gotten lately. Sorry I'm so slow to respond, but my phone has magically detached from my brain and I set it down somewhere on silent and don't find it again until the next day. So fear not, I'm not ignoring you, I just don't have my phone with me. 
So how are you doing kid? I'm alright. I've had a terrible and stressful month of July so much so that I missed girls night this month because I had my mind on a million other things. I'm stressed, depressed, burnt out, tired and grumpy. That's about the most honest answer to the question of "how are you?" that I can come up with. 
July was really hard for the family without Lariann. It's weird how you never really think about how a holiday with turn out without someone until you're forced to go through it. So yeah, the month was like a dragged out version of Lariann dying all over again. The Holidays where she is very-much missing and you think you hear her laugh or catch a glimpse of her from the corner of your eye. Then the Davis High School Marching Band being featured in both of the parades that I watched this season where the band just brings each of us to tears because Lari loved being a flag girl so much. And then the days in-between where you have nothing else to do but remember that she's gone and try not to cry over silly things like baby-sitting and songs on your iPod or even the movies you used to watch. And the fact that her tombstone has been a major topic of conversation with every member of the family. Then the whole month was topped off with a family trip to St. George to see the nephew that came home from his mission ... minus Scott and Lucy. So it was just an all around depressing month and since I have to go back to St. George next weekend for another nephew leaving on his mission it's just going to be another depressing reminder.
So yeah, I've been a little out of touch and more then a little vacant. I have taken to hiding out in my bedroom again. As soon as I get home from work I make dinner and then go hide in my room with a book or the X-Files or GI Joe and the Transformers cartoons. It's really quite sad but it's the truth.
So there you go, the truth about how I am and what I have been up to for the past little while.
None the less, I do miss you, and I love you very much and we really need to get together and do something. Maybe we can do movie night at your place and we can just hang out and not do anything of importance at all.
Alright, I love you. I'll talk to you later.
Love, Me

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