Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Don't Ignore....

Don't ignore me because I don't have kids.
There are reasons that you may not know about. I'm not selfish. I haven't made a conscious choice to not be a mother. I'm not having more fun as a young adult with no major responsibilities.
I am infertile.
I can't have babies without thousands of dollars of expenses. I will never be able to hold a little me in my arms or be the proud mommy to copies of myself. And for the most part I've come to the conclusion that I'm okay with this. I have a million other little ones in my life that life as an Auntie is quite fulfilling... but not enough.
I have tried all the affordable means of conceiving... and probably some crazy ones: Clomid. Charting. Positions. Relaxation. Sonohystograms. Wearing Rose Quartz. Washing in Rose Quartz. Feng Shui. Elephants (Yes, elephants. Jade elephants. Wooden elephants. Silver elephants.) Pineapples (right side up and upside down.) Nothing seems to work. Not even the thousands of tears I have shed have made any difference... But I cling to hope so hard my hands bleed.
I long for the day I can have my own kids. I do realize that whatever option we chose is going to be costly. Adoption or In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) both cost upwards of 10K - 15K. That's money that we just don't have. Insurance companies wont cover IVF, but most of them will cover Adoption expenses... why is that? Is one option really better than the other?
If You Are Infertile YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
I just want you to know that. We are not alone.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week April 22 – 28


I had a friend ask me on facebook what we could do about it. And since I'm not really a go out there and be active sort of activist this is my passive way of supporting an awareness week that is close to my heart...


I think that some times the best way to support Infertility Awareness is to talk about it. Just because a woman is infertile doesn’t mean she is broken or any less of a person than anyone else (even if that is how she feels every single day.) If we could just get the world talking about it than maybe those of us living through it wont feel so alone. Maybe if the world was talking about it insurance companies would be more willing to cover the costs of treatment. Maybe if the world were talking about it, it wouldn’t be such a shameful issue and people could have options before them in stead of bolted doors with dollar signs on them. But until then we just need to learn to love what we do have instead of focusing on those things we don’t have. I think THAT would be a huge step in the right direction.



The First Step Is The Hardest

By liz evans


The bubbles aren’t going through.

“They’re blocked” she said

“The only way you’re going to have a baby is in-vetro.”

No empathy,

No bedside manner

No tender looks,

For a tear stained girl,

Following a painful procedure,

A dark room ultrasound,

That did noting more then crush an entire life's dream.

No babies.

No children.

No one to call me mommy.

No first steps.

No first words.

No little hands to hold.

No high school graduations.

No Missions.

No Weddings.

No grand-kids.

My arms are empty and my heart is broken.


Elisa & Josh said...

That is ridiculous that insurance companies don't cover in-vitro. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I have a close friend, as well as others I know that are going through the same thing. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that one day you are able to do in-vitro or adopt. I'm glad for now, you have so many cute nieces and nephews to love you. I won't ever ignore you because you don't have kids! I hope I haven't ever made you feel ignored. (You're actually one of the cousins I feel most comfortable talking to) :)

Lindsay said...

I'm really sorry about your pain. I read your blog post earlier today and I've been thinking about you a lot. Lucy and Kira and all of your other nieces and nephews are so lucky to have you in their lives. Hang in there and know that people love you. Even if they don't call or hang out. We should fix that sometime. (My husband loves Dr. Who)