I don't know how I got here...

I haven't blogged since July 2014.

Wow.

Has life ever just left you behind and you have no idea what has happened to it?

That's what has happened to me. The last year and a half was swallowed by a bleek depression that I am finding it hard to shake myself out of. But I am trying.

I do feel like a schmuck because I have excluded a lot of people out of my life, but not because I don't love them or want them in my life. It is because I feel that I am terrible company and don't want to inflict myself on others.

I'm going to try blogging more often. It's a good outlet for me when I can bring myself to do it. I have been working on a few hobbies lately, new and old, that I figure I'll share here. if only for myself.

That is all.

I am so stinkin' tired.

It’s been a little while since I blogged. A lot has been going on lately and though I’m sure most of our world has heard the news I bet there is someone out there that hasn’t.

Back in December, after several months of dabbling around the utahrealestate.com website John and I decided that it was time for us to buy our first home. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision, but not really. It just sort of happened. Several months ago the house next door to us went up for sale for $80K and we thought that it was something we could afford so we decided to look into it so we called a friend of the family that had helped both Lariann and Rachel buy their homes, and thus began our adventure with Troy Starkey. Let us just say, that Troy was awesome. He talked us through stuff and got us on our way and into a home we love without a lot of bother and technical stuff. It was so easy to work with him, and we enjoyed it immensely.

Enough about Troy.

Anyway, at that time Troy gave us the number of his mortgage guy Dave Young we took his name and the recommendation and then sat on it for a few months when suddenly one day John says to me. “We need to call that mortgage guy and see what we could qualify for.” I agreed, and the ball started rolling. We went in and talked about our incomes what we could and couldn’t afford, and where we were at financially.  Turns out that we are better off than we think and we decided to go ahead with the house searching part.

Well, it was the end of the year and with Christmas and New Years we didn’t start our officially house hunt until the first week of January. But when we did we went full boar. We looked at 18 houses over two outings with Troy, and fell in love with two of them. Our house #1 choice was cute and in John’s sister’s neighborhood, but unfortunately it fell through due to the hassle that it would have been and the uncooperative sellers. So we fell back to house #2. And let me just say, I’m glad that we did. House #2 has turned out to be our home.

We contracted for it on January 13^th. By January 25^th everything was good to go, and our closing was scheduled for January 30^th. We moved in on February 3^rd. We didn’t really tell anyone we were moving until the last few days because in our minds we weren’t really sure this was going to happen. When it did everyone was surprised when we said “We’re moving on Friday.”

Now we’re almost a whole month in our new home and WE LOVE IT. It still doesn’t really feel like it’s ours yet. It’s like we’re just hanging out in someone else’s space for a little while.

It’s a not-too-big split level that is only .47 of a mile from where we were living. Yet far enough away that we have moved out of the Park Ward and into the 4^th Ward. We’re just on the wrong side of the street to have stayed in the Park Ward. We can see the houses of our friends in that other ward from our living room windows.

The house has green siding… or maybe yellow. It depends on what time of day you look at it. It’s got a pretty large yard, though a lot of it is taken up by trees, and a garage that we love beyond belief.

The upstairs has been completely refinished in the last few years, with wood flooring in the bedroom and kitchen and shag carpeting in the living room and on the stairs. The kitchen is a bit smaller than I had dreamed, but it’s just the right size for us. The master bedroom on the other hand is the product of knocking out the wall between the two bedrooms that used to inhabit the space. It’s pretty awesome. It’s given us the space to put our bed on one side of the room, then a futon, the dressers, and the television on the other side of the room and it still feels like we have extra space. Now, if only the upstairs bathroom were attached to the bed room it may be perfect. The walls in main living area are a nice butter yellow. The bedroom is pink. The bathroom is white (too white. I’m going to have to paint it.)

The basement is nearly finished. There are two bedrooms down there, both painted beige, as well as a bathroom, a laundry area, and a family room. All of which are currently filled with boxes. The family room is the unfinished part. It still needs drywall and carpeting, but it’s livable as it is for now. That’s a down the road project.

 

We’ve been sick. Here I thought I could start out a new year feeling well and just get on with life… but no. I caught a cold the weekend before we moved. I spent a lot of time packing while doped up on Nyquil. That was fun. I have yet to get to the boxes that were packed that way so we’ll see how they turned out when I find them.

We’re still sick. So that stupid cold I just mentioned. Yeah, I still have it. Six weeks later. Stuffy runny nose. Coughing, sneezing. More mucus than you think could come out of one body… ick. To say I’m done with it is an understatement. John has it too. He ended up with it the weekend we moved. Ever since then we have shared in out misery, and been through many boxes of tissues together. It has been suggested that we should go see a doctor about it, but it is the way our life goes that if we did make an appointment the doctor would just tell us that it’s a cold and it will run its course. Because that’s the answer he always gives us. So you can understand when we say that we don’t want to pay out for him to tell us there is nothing he can do. In the mean time we drink plenty of liquids, eat oranges, have some Nyquil and try to get sleep where we can.

We are so tired.

 

On top of that it was discovered shortly before Christmas that I may be lactose intolerant, and as the weeks have passed that’s been a confirmed problem. I have spent far too many nights puking instead of sleeping and other unflattering body rebellion that comes from the consumption of dairy products. Sucks for me.

I do think I have lost a little weight as a result of it all. (silver lining?) Now we have to re-evaluate our eating and see what needs to be cut out. Milk definitely. That is the fastest way to make me sick. But what else? I seem okay with some cheeses, and Ice Cream hasn’t been terrible... but when it comes down to it I probably should just avoid it all.

I don’t mind the taste of Almond Milk. I haven’t tried Soy yet. Apparently I can cook with that stuff too so that’s going to be an interesting trial.

 

What else…

 

I started a new blog. It’s called “I Make Cakes” you can find it here: http://lizevansmakescakes.blogspot.com/ I figured I’d like to have a place where I can showcase some of my cakes that I have made. They’re not spectacular or anything, but they have made the people they were made for happy.

I’ve already made several cakes this year and have loved every one of them. Who knew I’d be a cake person. I don’t know that it was ever on my list of things for Liz to do. I had never really thought that any one other than John would like my cakes, but I guess I was wrong. I’ll make a cake for you if you want. I’m pretty good at giving a good price, and I love making them so I don’t see why not.

Rules that would apply:

I need at least one week notice and the design can’t be changed with in 3 days of due date.

Price depends on size and the effort I put into it, what supplies I need.

If I can't do the cake design of choice I always have the right to say no.

I guess another stipulation I need to put on these is that they can only be delivered locally. Probably to Davis, Salt Lake, Weber, and possibly Utah counties. (So within an hour from my home) And the further I have to drive to get your cake to you I will impose a delivery fee. You can always come pick up the cake if you want. I’m totally okay with that.

 

And finally…

 

We’re going to Disneyland next February. It’ll be awesome. Yes, we are starting to plan now. The sooner the better. We’re taking our friend Holly for her first Disney adventure, and if we’re lucky John’s sister Rachel and her family will be coming too for both Kira and Cooper’s first times. Sure, Cooper will only be 1.5 years old, but that’s okay. Between five adults Cooper won’t be too left out of the party.

 

I think this is all I can blog about for now. I have a million things that need to get done so I’ll leave off here for now.

Ten years ago today....

I married the bestest friend I have ever had.

 

 

Thanks for ten wonderful years John. I love you!

January so far.

What has been going on with the us for the first two weeks of the new year?

 

Logan and Jenny are getting divorced. There is really no other way to say it. Then to say that we’re disappointed in the actions and events that have lead to this would be a complete understatement. It’s heartbreaking actually. It has been stated in our house that it’s like having a set of our own parents getting a divorce. It’s made for some very frustrating days, broken hearts, anxiety provoked sicknesses, and lots of frustrated cleaning. One never knows how the choices that are made effect the people around them. Sure, immediate family more than others, but friends and relatives, and people who have looked up to you are effected too. And for us, It hurts. I’m sorry for everyone involved, I’m sorry that a hero has fallen, I’m sorry that the damage has been done, and overall we’re the most sorry and sad for their kids.

 

That being said I have done a lot of frustration cleaning over the last few weeks since we found out. The house needs a good cleaning anyway…

 

We’ve gotten that extra bedroom livable again without too many sacrifices. The bed is cleared, the floor has been vacuumed, and all the stuff has been neatly piled in the corner. It is now habitable. Sure it’s not cleaned out like I want it to be cleaned out leaving only the bed, the desk and the cupboard… but that’ll have to wait until we move some where with more storage.

The Bathroom has been SCRUBBED. I have lamented over cleaning that tub for years. It just gets dirty and there are days when I don’t think anything is going to get it white again, but then I make an effort. I’m happy to report that the tub is clean and white. What did I use to clean it? Comet. Yes, the old standard cleaning scrub and some mussel. I funneled all of my anger into that poor scrub brush, and lo and behold it worked wonders. I guess all that extra money I spend on cleaners isn’t really worth it when all I really need is some Comet, some Borax and a steam mop. I think I’ll put some effort in to going back to the basics when we move into a new house.

The Living room also got a thorough vacuuming the other day. Floors and couches. I think I need to work a bit harder on the curtains, but those can wait. They probably just need to go in the washer.

What’s next?

Probably the kitchen. It got a good deep cleaning not to long ago, but it still needs some work.

 

Lets see…. John FINALLY got a job title change and a raise at work. He is now titled “Senior Clerk” it’s about time. He’s been a “Janitor” for the last 8 years and four of those years he’s been working exclusively as a shop clerk, making sure the men and computers are working properly. So this has been a long time coming and it is good that it has finally happened. He’s referred to a lot as the expert with their computer system, but with the title of “Janitor” it didn’t help him out very much when it came to promotions or applying for new positions. We’re hoping that this job title change will be beneficial in a lot of ways.

 

It’s not a secret that we’ve been looking at buying a house. We’ve seen a lot in the last two weeks. 14 to be exact, and we have liked two of them. Well, we actually kinda loved one of them, but it has another offer on it, and even though we’re still interested, and may be putting an offer on it anyway, it may not happen that that is our house. But our #2 choice isn’t so bad either.

Our real estate agent is a nice guy. Troy Starkey, I’d recommend him to everyone. He grew up in John’s ward in Kaysville, so he’s considered more of a family friend. And as an agent he has been spectacular. He’s funny and opinionated, but we don’t let his opinions sway our choices, he wouldn’t want them to. The only real complaint I have about him is his down play of small homes. We’ve looked at a lot of houses that have small square footage that we haven’t not liked.

The thing is… John and I don’t have kids… we *can’t* have kids. It’s not like this is something I want to tell our realtor. Some days it’s more than I even want to admit on my blog that no one reads. All we need is a little house. All we want is a little more room. So him being so down on “small square footage” houses is a little annoying to me. Besides, more space in a house is just more room I have to clean.

 

We’ve been ultra busy between time with friends, working, house hunting, and all the other things going on. It’s hard to find us at home. We will definitely be happy when February is over.

 

My Birthday is Friday.

Andrea is coming to stay at my house for the weekend.

My Grandma turns 90 on Friday and there is a big party for her on Thursday. (At least that’s what I have heard I haven’t really been invited to it yet.)

I’m making a Captain America Shield cake for my little buddy William Brand over the next few days to have it for him by Saturday.

We’re putting offers on a house or two.

We’ll celebrate 10 years of married life on the 25^th.

 

I think that’s it for now.

What happened in 2011

First of all, lets look back and see what I have accomplished out of last year’s goals?

Go to Church (definitely working on it. We’ve attended church weekly for the last several months.)

Learn to crochet (I guess technically I’m still learning, but I’m getting better and willing to try more complicated ones.)

Crochet something for every baby that comes this year (Well… My new nephews, Jack and Cooper, both got new blankets from Auntie Liz, friends who had babies were out of luck.)

Cook one new recipe a week (ACCOMPLISHED!)

Clean out the "other" room (Still a work in progress, but I actually think I made a serious dent this year.)

 

Other things that occurred in 2011:

John worked a second job at the Energy Solutions Arena for several months before the NBA lockout happened and he was laid off.

We attended a U2 concert at the Rice Eccles Stadium you can read about it HERE.

Bought our first refrigerator.

I finished four crocheted afghans. Made several crocheted roses. Crocheted a hanging neck pouch for my iPod. Crocheted a scarf for my sister-in-law.

We watched a lot of movies, both at the theater and at home.

Went to a Ludo concert. It was awesome. You can read about it HERE.

I’ve made six cakes: a TARDIS, R2D2, American Flag, Batman, a Skull, and Perry the Platypus. And I already have 2 cake orders for 2012.

Discovered I’m allergic to a medication.

I hosted a Halloween party that a few people came to carved awesome jack-o-lanterns.

I spent a large majority of the year sick from one virus or another.

I gained a new cat when the idiot neighbor moved out and left the kitty behind.
I learned to love some new music.

I thought I had an ulcer, but my doctor thinks I may just be lactose intolerant… which is sad because some of my favorite foods are made of lactose.

And the year ended on the news that two of our best friends are getting divorced. Too sad.

 

... as always, of course you can always look at my blog archives if you need to know more of what we did.

 

What’s new for 2012?

We’re going to buy a house

That's a long drive....

The new and improved map on how we shall get to our friends house on New Years Eve.... I wonder how long it will take us to get there?


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What is today's stupid holiday?

Today is...

 

Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day

 

Time to pull out my sonic screwdriver and robot dog and have at it. :)

It Came and Went...

Nov 5th – We took Banjo to get fixed. That darn cat went into heat the week before and howled and howled nightly all week. That deep guttural primal howl that makes you just want to throw a lamp at her… No one in the house slept well – if at all – for the entire eight days, and we were all super grumpy – cats and people. I found a discount spay/neuter clinic in Clearfield. Thank Heavens! Heartsong Spay and Neuter Clinic really saved us. Banjo was nearly driving John to the point of throwing her outside again. I had called around to other veterinarians in the area, pricing out how much it was going to cost us to get this girl fixed, and the prices started at $158 and just went up from there. There was no way we were going to be able to afford this, but it had to be done before Banjo found herself homeless again. Thankfully, Heartsong will do it for $45. In the end, we ended up paying out $72 to get her fixed ($10 extra for cat in heat and extra $$ for vaccinations.) She scratched the heck out of my arms while we tried getting her in the kennel that morning, but the battle scars are worth it to have quiet in my house again. The scratches on my left arm have the look of a Zombie bite. That’ll make a cool scar.
Also - She is still FREE TO A GOOD HOME. Now there is a bonus. Not only do you get her snazzy yellow collar, a pink house, and a food bowl, but now she is fixed. Isn’t there anyone out there who wants this adorable kitty for your own?

Free to good home: Banjo the woodpile cat who is often called Banjo Doofensmertz. She needs some serious love, patience and rehabilitation. The people next door just left her outside when they moved away. Box trained. She’s brown and black and super soft. The cat is pretty skittish and untrusting still, but what do you expect after being left behind. With some extra love I think she could be pretty snuggly. As it is she is really sweet when she lets you get close enough. Seems pretty good with other cats bus she may be most happy as an only cat. I'd love to keep her but 3 cats is proving too much for John's allergies (and my own.) If you are interested let me know. Please share this with your friends. If I can keep her I want Banjo to have a good home. She’s been neutered! Pink house, yellow collar, and food bowls included.

Nov 6th – Scott and Ariane had their cute baby Jack blessed at church. The blessing was nice, and John was asked to stand in the circle. I was asked to bring a pot of soup, so I chose to bring my chili. Everyone apparently loved it, I got quite a bit of praise for it, and I didn’t have to bring any of it home. Too bad no one realizes just how easy it is to make.

Nov 10th – Pi Day! November 10th is the 314th day of the year making it an unofficial Pi Day. John took pie to work for his guys, and later that evening the Evans’ got together for Pizza Pie and other assorted Pie. Mmm. One of our favorite days of the year. This day also brought about my newest favorite excuse Lucy gave for not wanting to talk to me… We were all sitting around watching football when Scott asked Lucy to tell me what she wanted for Christmas and the silly little girl turned away from me with a wave of her hand and said “I can’t. I need to hear the score.” And that was that. I don’t know why she doesn’t want to talk to me. Some days it really hurts my feelings that Lucy and Kira don’t talk to me, or say my name, but other days I just let it roll off and think that maybe one day they’ll love me enough to talk to me and not just talk about me when I am not there.

Nov 11th – BINARY DAY 11.11.11 which was pretty neat. This day wont come around for another 100 years so that made it a little special. It was also Veterans Day. There was also a thing going around on Twitter asking for your life in 11 words. This was mine: “Ten years, four cars, three cats, one husband. I am happy.” I thought it was pretty fun summing up things in 11 words. Just like the 6 word memoirs that I was so fascinated with a few years ago.

Nov 15th – I LOVE TO WRITE DAY. I love random holidays, and this is one I enjoyed this year. I didn’t know it existed until a friend at work pointed it out to me. And I do love to write. I’m sure if you’re an avid reader of this blog then you know that by all my ramblings on. But do you know how the desire to write burns in my soul and aches to get out. How my brain is constantly running dialogues and stories that may or may not ever make it to paper. Did you know that? Did you know that I’d love to be a real author, but that I don’t think I’m good enough? Today I’m going to share with you a link to a little piece of my soul. I post some of my writing on a website called Figment. Here is the link to MY PAGE on figment. And here is where this quote would be appropriate: "But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." - W.B. Yeats

Nov 20th – Step One: Go back to Church. This is harder that it may sound. It has almost been three years (in February) that I have attended church on a regular basis and John hits his three year mark in May. It’s not that we don’t know that going will bring us blessings, and help us be happier, it just that we’re super, super lazy. We’ve gotten out of the habit and we need to change that. Yet, *knowing* what we need to be doing, and *doing* what we need to be doing are miles apart.

Nov 22nd – Ten years ago today John proposed to me on his parents front step. Ten years ago today I said yes. I haven’t regretted a minute of it. Ten years ago Nov. 22nd was also Thanksgiving day, so I kind of have two remembrance days regarding when I was proposed to. We went out to dinner at Javier’s in Layton to celebrate.

Nov 23rd – DOCTOR WHO DAY. Seriously, it’s a real holiday. This is the 48th anniversary of the première of Doctor Who back in 1963. I have been watching Doctor Who my whole life. As I explained in this POST from several months ago, I dearly love this show. This is one of the longest running Science Fiction shows on television. John and I celebrated by watching as much Doctor Who as we possibly could. Loved it! We got Series 6 in the mail just in time. We used our entire Thanksgiving weekend to catch up on Doctor Who, old and new. I was supposed to have made Dalek cupcakes for the occasion, but I only got as far as making the cupcakes. John ended up getting a 24 hour flu that put him in one of two places for the day, and I just kind of hovered around, so nothing got done that I had wanted to get done.

Nov 24th – THANKSGIVING! This year we got to spend the Holiday with my family. It’s been a while since we did that. What with Lari passing away 2 years ago somehow we were roped into spending the last two thanksgivings with the Evans’. Not that that is a bad thing, but I miss my own family every now and again. Especially since we have so few family traditions and family together times that when it does come up I really miss it when I’m away. Nicole and Geoffrey spent the day with the family since they’re at BYU. It was fun seeing them. After the McDermott family feast the pears’ ended up at Norm’s house to look at Jessica’s 500 pictures from England and to just generally be together. It was really nice. It was just me and John, my parents, Norm and Becca and Sophie, Jessica, and Nicole and Geoffrey. It seems that my brother Z and his wife have decided that we’re all evil because they no longer talk to any of us. No one really knows why or what we may have done to spur it, but that’s how it is, and it’s pretty sad for us all. Maybe John and I aren’t on the shit list, but we’re so antisocial we hardly speak to anyone in our families... <>

Nov 26th – We got to baby-sit Lucy and Jack while Scott and Ariane went to the Temple. Scott’s sister got married on the 27th so this was her endowment day. It was fun to play with the kids, and Jack is only 4 months old so he’s still one of those eat sleep and smile babies which makes baby-sitting easy for the most part. As for the four-year-old, she just makes life interesting. I was reminded today that even though I really want to have kids of my own I am very glad that I don’t have any. I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility.

Um... That looks like it was the end of the month. It went by so fast its hard to recall what really went on. Now it's on to the next few months of stuff.

November, The Month of Thankfulness

Nov. 1^st – I am thankful for friends and family who take my love of Halloween and quirkiness for what it’s worth and love me anyway.

Nov. 2^nd – I’m thankful for discount veterinary clinics and the hope of quiet in my house again.

Nov. 3^rd – I am thankful for a husband who lets me watch Vampire Diaries and Secret Circle without too much mocking.

Nov. 4^th – Feeling very … Bleh, meh, ugh, grr, today. I am very thankful that it is Friday, even if I don’t get to sleep in tomorrow.

Nov. 5^th – I am thankful for Musicals that make me smile.

Nov. 6^th – I am thankful to be an Auntie today. Even though I can’t have kids of my own I am surrounded by little people who allow me to love them.

Nov. 7^th – I am thankful for an extra hour of sleep that helped me to get to work on time.

Nov 8^th – I'm thankful for Facebook for hooking me up with old friends, distant cousins, and family who don't live close enough to hug.

Nov. 9^th – I am thankful for having a job. I may not like it all the time, but at least I have one.

Nov. 10^th – I'm thankful for Pie... even though I don't get to have a piece until very late this evening... Hurrah for Pi Day the 314th day of the year.

Nov. 11^th – I am thankful for Veterans. I am thankful for the men and women of the armed forces who give their time, and lives, to help keep me safe and protect the freedoms that I have. I’m thankful for my friends and family, past and present, who have chosen to serve their country.

Nov. 12th – I’m just thankful to be me.

Nov. 13^th – I am thankful for my warm bed on lazy snowy Sundays.

Nov. 14^th – I'm thankful for good books that stir the imagination and help me believe in the unbelievable.

Nov. 15^th – In honor of "I Love to Write Day" I am thankful for my own imagination. I'm thankful that I have the ability to put words to paper and tell the stories that dance through my brain. I'm thankful to be literate and for the people, authors, teachers, and friends that have inspired me to be a writer... even if I'm the only one who ever reads what I write.

Nov. 16^th – I'm thankful for the comfort of knowing that death is not the end. I'm thankful for my belief in eternal families and for the knowledge that I will see those who have passed again.

Nov. 17^th – I am thankful for my ability to cook. This may not seem that impressive to some, but to others it is quite a feat.

Nov. 18^th – I'm thankful for a silly husband that can make me laugh until I cry... even at six-thirty in the morning when I'd rather be sleeping.

Nov. 19^th – I'm thankful for my family. Each member is special to me for many reasons. I'm lucky to be a Pears AND an Evans.

Nov. 20^th – I'm thankful for naps today. Long ones. In warm spots. Next to someone I love.

Nov. 21^st – I’m thankful for relief society sisters who, even though they haven’t seen me for nearly three years, welcome me with open arms.

Nov. 22^nd – I'm thankful that ten years ago today my best friend asked me to marry him, and that I said yes.

Nov. 23^rd – I’m thankful that 48 years ago today the most awesome television program was released on to screens in the UK ushering in one of the greatest and long running science fiction shows ever. Thank heavens for Doctor Who.

Nov. 24^th – I am thankful for time spent with the people I love.

Nov. 25^th – I'm thankful for quiet time.

Nov. 26^th – I'm thankful for long weekends used for laying around, sleeping in and being able to get thing done in my own time.

Nov. 27^th – I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and his teachings. I'm thankful for the person I am because of what I have learned and the examples of Christ I have in my life.

Nov. 28^th – I'm thankful that my two best friends also happen to be my sisters.

Nov. 29^th – I'm thankful for co-workers who I can laugh with and sometimes call friends.

Nov. 30^th – I'm thankful for my health. This last day of November completes the first full month of me not being sick (knock on wood) since July. I'm grateful for the medicines, doctors, hot soups, warm drinks and cozy beds that help me feel better.

Cleaning out, and Moving on.

I keep saying that we had been busy last month… but what exactly have we been doing?

 

At the beginning of October I started cleaning out that other bedroom in the hope of moving around some of its furniture content (ha ha) and also so the my sister Andrea will have somewhere to sleep when she comes to stay with me for a little while in January. That room is quite the task. Just when we start getting a little cleaned out something comes up and more stuff just gets shoved in there. Somehow we manage to keep the bed semi-accessible, but that's not always the case.

A few months ago I cleaned out the "blue cupboard" at my parents house and brought home the various treasures that I had stored in there. Four boxes full. And those boxes got shoved in that other room for later sorting. It got to the point that not only was the bed covered, but the floor was covered too and I could no longer get to my hair dryer. The room needed some help. I walked in there one day after work and I repacked things and shuffled boxes and got a lot of it stacked neatly in the corner. I looked through the boxes I'd brought home and decided what I wanted to keep and what I didn't really need anymore. Which, turns out was a hard thing to do. So much in that cupboard held sentimental value from High School memories and pre-mission frivolities. But I didn't need to keep it all.

Between those boxes and the rest of the room, I came up with three over stuffed paper boxes, three random baskets, and several miscellaneous items that could go to the DI. I think it made a dent… That is until Halloween happened and the decoration box got shoved in there. (Now it's time to clean up those decorations so that problem is solved.)

Now I want to get back in there and see what else can be moved where. There are about eight boxes in the corner that need to be moved up to the storage space we have in the TV room, but that involves the ladder and hauling the boxes across the house… Which means we need to have a Saturday at home to get it done. (Easier said than done.)

 

We are having an over crowding issues at our house, meaning we have too much stuff and not enough room.

 

Mid-October I decided to clean out the closet. I have finally gotten rid of everything smaller than a sixe 16 (or XL) I had a lot of clothes in my closet that I had been hanging onto because I WILL be that size again. (I highly doubt it.) I decided that I didn't need them and that if I ever do make it back to 165 that just means I get to buy new clothes. Everything XL or size 16 got hung under garbage bags in the back of the closet for later use. I don't have a whole lot in that size range so I rationalized that it's okay to keep it. (And the fact I have recently lost 10 pounds.) I also organized the closed by dresses, skirts, long sleeve, short sleeves, and T-shirts so that it's easier for John to help put away my laundry.

I think I spent the better part of a day doing this, and when I was done I must have given John a guilt complex because It wasn't an hour after I finished that he got into his side of the closet and cleaned out for the first time in the nearly 10 years we've been sharing a closet. He had a ton of stuff to put in the bags. He still had clothes from his mission when he weighed 115 lbs (maybe less.) He is not that skinny kid anymore. Then he moved from the closet to his chest of drawers and in the end we ended up with two large black garbage bags full of clothes for the DI.

 

This feels like we've lightened our load a little, but there is still a lot stuffed into our little house that I'm sure we don't need. Like the fact that I'm itching to get rid of the two chairs that are too big for my kitchen, but somehow we always end up needing to use them. So I guess they'll stay for now.

 

But even with all the stuff I have gotten rid of… I did buy a new rocking chair this month. I was at the DI killing some time, while waiting for a friend, when I walked past it. I looked at it and thought it was a nice chair. Then I realized that the seat was plenty big enough for my wider backside and then I thought it was even better. I looked around for an employee to put my name on it so I could go up front and buy it, but then... I decided that I didn't want to let it out of my sight. So I grabbed the chair and dragged it through the store with me, straight to the registers. And there I was standing in line with this beautiful chair, and, I'm not kidding, like five people walked by and said "Wow, that's a nice chair" and all I could say was "I know." but in my head I was saying "It's all MINE, suckers!!"

 

This has now been added to the living room, that is already too full. I have my chunky red couch and matching chair, the orange chair I got from the DI for our first apartment, the Dutch-Modern rocking chair I got from my in-laws that once belonged to John's grandpa, four book shelves of various sizes, three CD cases and a small desk. Yes, all that stuff is in my little living room. (Do you see why John and I would love a new house with some extra room.

 

So… yeah… we have a lot of stuff and no where to put it.

 

I spent a lot of time out and about looking for new Halloween decorations this October as well. I pulled out my boxes of decorations back at the beginning for the month, and as I looked through the box of past treasures I decided that I hated all of them so it was time to get something new. I went to craft stores, Halloween stores, party stores, and even All-A-Dollar to collect some new bits to add to my collection. Let me just say, now that the month is over… I love my new stuff. My house turned out pretty nice with all it's spooktacular decorations.

 

What else has been going on?

 

October 10^th was Canadian Thanksgiving. We had dinner with John's parents and Holly at Marie Calendar's in Layton (yes, it's still there, and yes, it's still open.) We were quite disappointed with the super rise in prices since the last time we were there. I don't think the turkey dinners we had were worth $14 a plate. We wont go there next year. However we will celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving because we love it.

 

October 17^th John and I had the opportunity to have my friend Michelle take our pictures. Really, it was Michelle taking pictures of John's parents. Lorraine had mentioned back at the beginning of the year how much she'd like to have a nice picture of her and dad for the kids, and since then John and I had been batting around the idea of getting them a photo session with Michelle that we'd pay for. It took me until July to actually contact Michelle, and it took us until October to actually schedule a time to get them done. And, we figured, while we were at it we'd have our pictures done too. You can see a preview of them HERE, or on Michelle Sally Photography's Facebook page.

The pictures (at least what I have seen of them) turned out beautifully. I'm so impressed with her skills as a photographer to catch just the right moment, and just the right expressions to create beautiful pictures of us average people.

We chose to get the pictures done at Temple Square in Salt Lake City, not because this place holds any significance (beyond the obvious) to me and John, but because this is where his parents were married. We thought it would be nice for them to have some great pictures with the temple for their memory books.

We had a great time with Michelle getting our pictures done. With her being such a good friend it wasn't intimidating at all (or at least not much) to have her giant camera lens in your face. The wind was blowing like crazy, my hair had gone flat, and it was cold, but we had some good laughs and the time just flew by.

 

October 23^rd We got to go to dinner at the Brand's house. Logan and Jenny and their kids are some of our most favorite people in the world. They invited us over, along with John's parents for some Homemade Beer Brauts and quality time. John and I were of course told to come over early so we could see their oldest daughter Sam before she dashed off to Snow College again as she's finishing up her Associates degree there this spring. So we got to spend the greater part of the afternoon with them and somehow got pulled into picking grapes before it was supposed to freeze that night. We got all sticky and purple, but helped clean off the vine all before dinner time. Dinner was really good, I'm finding that I'm not as much as a Braut fan as the people I love are, but these were some really good ones.

Also, a new show premièred on Chanel 4 on Sunday nights at 7:00 PM. It's called "Once Upon A Time" and I am pretty sure that I love it.

 

October 24^{th &} 25^th I got to spend some quality time with my mother-in-law while we made grape juice from the three flats of grapes we got from our friends Sunday night. In the end we ended up with 43 Quarts of grape juice.

My Mother-in-law has one of these steamer things It's 3 layered. You put all the grapes in the top, stems and all, and water in the bottom and the center section is for catching the grape juice. It has a tube that you use to drain the juice out as you go. It's pretty awesome. There is no sugar added to the grape juice, and since it comes out boiling hot you just put on the lids and the bottles seal themselves. It takes about an hour per batch, but that's okay it gives me time to do other things while the grapes are steaming. We didn't let the tailings drain after steaming (using a cheese cloth, colander and another pan) because mother didn't want to, but we probably could have ended up with about 2 or 3 more quarts. I think that if I ever get really ambitious about canning I may buy myself a steamer. Apparently they're quite handy.

 

October 27^th John and Holly and I took the evening to carve some pumpkins. We ended up with five pumpkins this year and decided to do a mostly Doctor Who Theme. I did a lot of internet searches for just the right patterns for the pumpkins. You wouldn't think it would be *that* hard to find something to put on a pumpkin, but it was.

In the end I ended up carving a TARDIS, Holly carved a Cyberman, and John... well, he carved the Legend of Zelda emblem with the Triforce, and the final pumpkin for the day I just hacked out a regular old jack-o-lantern face. (I don't have a picture of that one.) That's why I said it was a "Mostly" Doctor Who theme. The pumpkin carving took a while, but in the end we were all pretty satisfied with our work.

October 29^th My oldest brother's in-laws had a Halloween party, and John and I were lucky enough to be invited. There is always a good time to be had at the White House. This year there were games,a scavenger hunt, bobbing for apples, caramel apples, and enough food to keep the masses satisfied. It was fun. Sure, it's mostly for their grand kids and friends, but it caters to us adults too. John won the best costume again this year. He was dressed as the Tenth Doctor. No one really knew who he was, apparently he just looked really great in his suit. (He won the Best Costume prize a few years ago when we went and he had dressed as V from V for Vendetta.) Up until the night before we weren't sure we were going to go this year since we had a million other things going on that weekend, but in the end I got a text from my brother asking if we were going, and if we could help my niece and nephew get there... Well, I had been wanting to see them so I figured this was as good a time as any so I agreed, and ended up leading Geoff and Nicole to West Valley. They told me I drive too fast for following. That's the truth, but I really really did try to slow down and be a better lead car, but I guess I didn't slow down as much as I though I had.

Also, that night, after the White's party we drove all the way from West Valley back to Clinton to hang out with our friends to play games and have some good adult time together. But we were earlier than they were expecting so the John's took a trip to Wal-Mart together, and I got to watch old Tom Baker Doctor Who while Angie finished up bathing their two kids. Once everyone (meaning the kids) were in bed and settled we played some great Zombie themed games and had a nice end to a long and busy day.

October 31^st ~Halloween!! There was a Halloween party at my house.. Okay, it wasn't a party per say, but I had cake, food, and candy for anyone who stopped by. I had really just wanted to make a Skull cake that I had bought a pan for this summer, and I needed people to come eat it for me.

The cake turned out really nice. I used a box cake mix, but used apple sauce instead of oil. This made the cake really moist, but didn't change the flavor of it much. I glued the two halves of the skull together with store bought vanilla frosting dyed red and also used that for my crumb coating. I frosted the cake with a #16 Tip and just did white and black stars to cover the skull. Then I used a #2 Tip to outline the teeth. I made the eye with some Cadbury "eyes" chocolates that I happened to have in my fridge. They're just chocolate dots so I added a blob of white frosting to the center and then a blob of black in the center of that. I placed the entire thing on a fancy black platter and surrounded it with gummie worms, and it turned out pretty darn good if you ask me.

We had sugar cookies in the shape of superheroes, and hot cider… John even made a special *Ghosts in the Graveyard* chocolate pudding (all by himself) that was quite tasty. It was a great spread, if you missed it then you really missed out.

We saw a lot of our friends and family and their cute kids in costumes. I even coaxed a few people from the ward in out of the cold for a piece of cake. For those that lingered for the evening we played a few rounds of Zombie Fluxx, and otherwise hung out and had some good friend time with people we love.

Also, Halloween day Holly came over to spend the day with us and carved our fifth and final pumpkin into K-9, Doctor Who's faithful dog. K-9 turned out really well, except we forgot to cut air holes in him so the candles kept going out until we figured out the problem later that evening. That's why the picture I have pretty much sucks. Silly fire, needing air to continue to burn. No light makes it hard to take a photo of a carved pumpkin. You'll just have to believe me at how awesome he really was. :)

 

There was a lot more to October, but I'm drained of all my memories past this point. We spent a lot of time running around, watching a lot of movies, and having a great time being our wonderful selves. Here's to a new month of fun for us. See ya on the flip side.

The Cake From Hell ... not really, but it felt like it.

It’s time to blog again… but what should I blog about?

 

The other day Holly and I were discussing stuff, and she suggested that I start a Cake Blog and blog about all the cakes I make… But that would be a really lame blog since I really only make about two cakes a year… Except this year I have made three (and #4 is coming up for Halloween.) And then I realized… I never did blog about the Batman cake I made for Holly’s friend’s birthday.

Back in July Holly asked if I could make a Batman cake for a friend at work, and being the nice person I am, I agreed. I had almost a months notice. I had to have the cake ready by the morning of August 4^th, (it was a Thursday) so she could take it to work with her.

This cake was a PAIN IN THE BUTT to make. Sure, the pattern was pretty simple, but the putting together of it was harder than it needed to be.  The plan was:

 

Black sides

Yellow Bat symbol on top

 

Yes, looking at the picture you’d say, “that’s what is does have.” But getting it that way was ridiculous.

 

First I had to find a logo to use. holly and I agreed on this one:

I had to make the cakes on Sunday afternoon because our week was turning out to be rather booked. I was going to just make one 9x13 cake, but I’ve learned that that’s really not a lot of cake if you’re sharing with a group, so I ended up making two 9x13’s. Chocolate, of course, and one layer also was filled with mini-chocolate chips. (I was told that it tasted fantastic.) So after baking and cooling on Sunday the cakes went into the fridge to await frosting.

Monday we went to a spectacular Ludo concert at “In The Venue” that I kind of grazed over in this POST back in August. so we weren’t home that night. It was a fun night. I’ll have to remember to post about it, I mean *really* post about it, one day before I forget everything. So needless to say we weren’t home that night.

Tuesday night I used an entire can of Pillsbury Chocolate Frosting to glue the two layers together before putting on a crumb coat.I made the frosting yellow just to try and see how much coloring I was going to need to use for the actual cake… turns out it was a lot. Then it went back in the fridge to await it's final frosting coat on the morrow... it was time for bed.

Before I get to the next day – I want to point out this fantastic little cake contraption that Holly gave me to put the cake in. It is large enough for a 9x13 cake (as long as you’re not having it frosted) or, if you flip the bottom it holds 12 cupcakes. It has handles and a lid and seems so very handy… except when it comes to decorative frosting. I had to cut about an inch and a half off each side of the cake so the handles would flip back up. But then, once I got the cake on the base, and dropped it in the box after the crumb coat… I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get it out again. I did, but It was stressful and really dangerous for the me and the cake in that order… You can see the box in some of the pictures. So – Note to Self: I will no longer try decorating a cake to put in this box unless I’m paid extra to do it.

 

Wednesday it was time to get down to business. I had all evening to put the cake together and I was going to get it done. I made the frosting, guesstimating how much black I’d need, and how much yellow I’d need. I think I did a pretty good job, I didn’t have too much frosting left over.

I HATE black frosting. First frustrating thing of the night. I can never get it black enough to satisfy myself. It has recently turned out very gray. I wanted nice BLACK frosting like I used on John’s birthday cake in 2010 (because that was an awesome cake) but no matter what I tried this time I couldn’t get it right. I have since learned a trick to black icing form the Wilton website. The advice is located HERE. Turns out I can add coco powder to the frosting to help the black be more blacker. I’ll have to try that next time.

I started out frosting the sides. Turns out that was a stupid idea. Second frustrating thing of the night. I should have done the top first, but you live and learn. I spent time getting the sides just right and the realized at this point that I should have done the top first, but it was too late so here is where I got the top on. So I frosted the top bright yellow. I debated on if I should just do the oval in the center yellow or if I should cover the entire top. I chose to frost the entire top.

It took forever to get the corners of this cake to cooperate. The top did not want to join the sides. The black kept smearing into the yellow. And I kept getting more and more frustrated. I put the cake back in the fridge to let the frosting harden a little before I tried adding the logo to the top. Third frustrating thing of the night.

After a little while I pulled it out again and threw the logo on top of the cake and traced it using a frosting bag and a # 2 frosting tip. Now I had to add more black frosting around the outer edge of the oval and cover up all that yellow. Here is where I’m really glad that I decided to frost the entire top yellow instead of just an oval in the middle.

Then I decided to do the Bat symbol all in stars and used a #16 Tip to do them. Mostly I chose stars to cover the mistakes and to get it done faster. Because let me tell you… I was DONE with this cake.

All in all it turned out really well. Aside from the anger, and all the snapping at poor John who happened to be in the same room with me. I didn't throw the cake away and tell Holly she was out of luck. So it all worked out. Also, because I cut the bat out of the center of the paper pattern I had it left over at the end... So what did I do with it? I turned the bathroom into the Bat Cave.

We really like it there and are considering actually painting one on the door for reals.

Low Self-Esteem?

Alternate titles:
You’re Only As Beautiful As You Think You Are
Or, A blog post about self-loathing and personal image depression

The last few weeks I have been horrified with the idea of looking at myself in the mirror. I don't know what has triggered it, but I'm feeling very ugly, very old, and very plain.

It's not true.

Or so I’m told.

I have people to vouch for it, and sometimes I see a glimmer in the mirror of what maybe the rest of the world sees when they look at me, but that's not very often.

As a female in general, I have a terrible self image. I always have, ever since I was a young kid. I was always too fat, too short, too zit-faced, teeth were too crooked, nose is too long, too dorky with glasses to ever be loved. Yes, the world had beaten down this girl and helped me see that I wasn't ever good enough.

I didn't eat much food through much of Jr. High and High School. The toast for breakfast would be handed to the dog on the way to the car, and lunch money would be pocketed for later use...

Unfortunately I was a size 8. Always a size 8. I could never get any smaller no matter how much I starved myself and tried to be active enough to help the weight fall off. No matter how hard I tried I could never get below 135 lbs and to someone who looked in the mirror and saw that fat girl every time, that was never low enough.

I wore make-up, too much make-up, to cover my flaws. I tried off setting the make-up with hair dye, cleavage and short skirts. Hoping that I could fit into *that* mold of what everyone else wanted me to be… or what I thought everyone wanted me to be. Some days I’m not even sure who *that* Liz was.

I look back now and see myself as thin, I looked good, without the poky bones or my ribs showing. From a 15-years-further-down-the-road/outside perspective I look back and wonder "What was I thinking?" I spent so much time worry about my looks that I missed out on the opportunities I had to wear more mini-skirts and skimpy swimming suits and showing off my arms... because of the little rolls that would appear on my belly when I'd sit in a chair. (Oh what I wouldn’t give to have *little rolls* when I sat in a chair again.)

Eventually I got over most of this… I had friends who noticed my lack of eating and started making sure I had something to eat every day – even if it was just going out to dinner. I really think that saved me from spiraling into an even deeper hole in my life. Thank you friends.

When I was 23 I had just returned from my mission. I had spent 18 months being torn down by nasty companions and rebuilt by companions who truly loved me for who I was. I gained a new view of myself and had finally decided that yes, maybe I was okay. I weighed 165 lbs and was perfectly content with my life, how I looked and the way I felt about myself. I had curves in all the right places and a choice of clothes that flattered me, and helped me snag the wonderful husband that I have. I gave up make-up, deciding that I preferred my natural beauty to that made-up look. My complexion was nice, I had rosy lips and a nice skin.

I really thought I had finally beaten it. I could look at myself in the mirror and smile and think that I looked really good. I was an adult and I could face the world and be content with who I was, what I was doing and where I was going… Yeah, right. Turns out it was just hiding in a closet in the back of my mind.

Unfortunately, due to life situations and circumstances after we got married, with medications and stress, over the years I gained weight, and gained weight, and gained weight until a few years ago I found myself weighting 249 lbs and completely unhappy with myself, the 5’ 2.75” fat girl. I fell back into *that* hole, but at least this time, I really was overweight and knew it. I no longer had cute things to wear and became a slave to the fat girl clothes stores that never have anything cute or shape flattering. I don’t shop for clothes in stores any more, the whole experience leaves me depressed and heartbroken so I only ever buy clothes online now.

I’ve lost some weight since then, I’m much closer to the 200 lbs mark than I used to be, but I’m still larger than I’d like to be, and this has a harsh impact on how I view myself. Over my lifespan I have shed a lot of tears over how imperfect I am.

Why am I drudging up these sore feelings and sad memories on my blog today? Divulging my dark loathing to the world? Well….

I have been planning to have pictures done by one of my best friends, Michelle Sallay from Michelle Sallay Photography. She was my MTC companion, and although we didn’t get along so great back then, she has turned into one of those people that you really couldn’t imagine your life without. She’s pretty spectacular. Anyway, Michelle is a fantastic photographer. I love looking at her work and seeing what a beautiful job she does. Her pictures always look so nice, and the people in them so beautiful… so photogenic… so … like they belong in the beautiful settings that Michelle’s talent has the eye to see. I’m not one of those people.

I think that’s where I have hit my rut. I want to have beautiful pictures of me and John, but I don’t think I belong in her photos. I look in the mirror and see my glasses and crooked teeth and my sun spots and think how absolutely non-photogenic I am. I see the acne scars and the left over sunburn shadows. The dark circles under my eyes, the never ending cycle of adult acne… and I wonder if the rest of the world sees me the way I do. It just breaks my fragile little heart sometimes.

With picture day coming up so fast (next Monday!) I have set out to put together a nice outfit that will make me look thinner than I am, hide my rolls and bumps and saggy arm fat. I have yet to do that, but I still have a few more days.

I also have been staring myself down in the mirror looking at my facial flaws, my hands, my hair… trying to decide what to do about it all. I polled some friends on Facebook asking if I should invest in make-up (which I haven’t owned or worn in almost 10 years. I don’t think I even wore make-up on my wedding day.) Or just go with my regular lipstick and mascara routine. They all told me “No new make-up” of course, because, as I pointed out earlier outside people see me differently that I see myself…

I decided that I’d take that advise and not buy make-up… but then I read the following articles on the internet last week:

KSL News article: Study: Women who wear makeup seem more competent
MSN article: The Makeup Hater's Guide to Makeup

Apparently, according to both of these articles I am not competent, likeable, attractive, successful, or trustworthy.

*BAM!!* I’m back into the hold of self-loathing and depression.

I tried not to listen. Really I did, but it festered. I fought and struggled against that ugly girl who lives just below the surface who reminds me that I am not as good as everyone else.

Guess who won?

Nope, not the rational me who can step back from what’s going on in the world and think that I’m okay. “Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!”

No, the insecure paranoid me won out, and I ended up spending $45 on make-up the other day. New face wash, new lip-stain, eyeliner, blush, base, powder… yes, I have bought into the fact that the world doesn’t think I am good enough, so neither do I.

Saturday morning after I showered I decided to try out my new make-up, and while I must admit, I did look quite nice and un-made-up I died a little inside because I had given in. When I asked John how I looked, he told me that I looked very nice, and I started to cry. When he asked what was wrong he also followed up with the question of “are you feeling old?” and I sobbed. My newly applied mascara began to run and the make-up had just applied became blotchy and smeared, and I felt worse than when I had been duped into buying the stuff…

Why do I let the world get to me? Why can’t I just be happy with myself as I am, in whatever situation I am placed? Why can’t I just love me for being me?

Why can’t the young women of the world look at themselves in the mirror and see the beautiful person that they are, and not the abstract image of what they *should* be or what they *want* to be? Why can’t the world appreciate the natural beauty in things and enjoy the differences that are presented to us in each individual?

I don’t know the answers to those questions, I don’t know if any one does.

Fact of the matter is – I bought into it. I let the failure in me out to the surface where I need to be acknowledged and recognized as part of the beautiful people of the world. I need the approval of others, I feed off compliments, even if I don’t always believe them.

When it gets right down too it, I will have pictures taken next Monday by a fabulous photographer, and I’ll be the same old Liz I have always been. Yes, I’ll wear the makeup that I invested money in, and I’ll hopefully have the new clothes I ordered from Old Navy before picture day. But I’m not holding my breath. If they don’t show I’ll go a head and have a minor melt down over the weekend but eventually find something I already own that will work out for pictures…. And it will all turn out fine. It will, because everything usually does.

~*~*~*~

So now here is some good thoughts to finish of my self-loathing post about how inferior my looks are to the rest of the world…

I really liked this quote. I don’t know if Emma Watson really said it because we all know how true everything we read on the internet is {sarcasm} but it’s nice to hear some one say it once in a while:

“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.” - Emma Watson


~*~*~*~


As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower – small and very insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.
Years later, I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now I was never forgotten.
And I know something else. As an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart and soul – neither are you!
You are not forgotten.
Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, you Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, he loves you, with an infinite love.
- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf