Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm just selfish, I guess....

Since I'm sure everyone has already bought me my Christmas presents, I'd like to offer up this small item that I would like to receive for my birthday... it is in 49 days you know.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

After all that complaining...

look waht got installed today.


it's about time


Tombstones and annoyances

It has been 185 days of no Lariann, she passed away on May 9, 2009. It is now November.


The family ordered a tombstone for Lari in June. It should have been in place by the end of July... delay. It should have been in place mid-August.... delay. It should have been in place by the end of September... delay. It should be in place mid-October... delay. It should be in within the week... delay.


I guess the person who they have making the tombstone isn't completely at fault. The first try was delayed because he was just slow. The second try was delayed because the Kaysville Cemetery had changed their size requirements since the last time he had placed a monument there (granted he should have read the paper work that was given to him) so he had to take the stone back and resize it, then have it approved by the family. The 4th and 5th tries were because he was lazy... and the last attempt is because as he was resizing and preparing the stone for transport... It broke.


So I have come to two conclusions on this....


Either A) Ken is completely incompetent

or B) Lariann just doesn't want a tombstone


Since I'm pretty sure that Lariann doesn't have a say (or care) about this, and though I profess to being in a believer of ghost, paranormal activity, and poltergeist phenomenon... I would hope and believe that Lariann is at peace and has better things to do with her time in the eternities (like watch over her daughter, further the work of the Lord and prepare the way for those who would follow) then to torment a poor tombstone maker.


Thus leaving the Ken is incompetent theory as my only reasonable answer.


I do feel a slight (more then slight) bit of responsibility for this ongoing issue. I am the one who suggested* that the family go to Ken because he works with John and seemed to be a reasonable guy.


*John had forgotten that Ken made tombstones so it was I that brought it up. And, being in the "john's friend" category he was willing to offer a discount.


But over the months since the stone was ordered Ken has failed on so many things. Starting with his failure to read the paper work given to him regarding city requirements. Then, instead of contacting Scott or Lari's parents, who are the ones paying for the stone, he calls and whines to John that the city changed its regulations, he just hasn't had time, the stone is to big, the weather is to bad... blah blah blah. all things he should be discussing with the people who PURCHASED the stone, not John.


Finally, several weeks ago (the beginning of October) Ken had called John to say something about the stone and John flat out told him to "JUST PUT IN THE STONE" that's what the family wants and it's taken long enough. This final time as Ken was making sure the stone was cut to the specific requirements it broke*... Really? Are you serious? What does one have to put up with just to get a marker for their dead loved one?


*I guess it's a little blessing that it broke now and not 10-40 years down the road, this way HE has to pay for it and not the family.


So that’s the story with the tombstone… as of last night it still wasn’t there. The last word I heard is that the stone should be installed by Thanksgiving. Will it happen? I guess we'll have to wait and see.


By-the-way, I will NEVER refer anyone to Ken for their monument needs again. This is one customer who is absolutely NOT satisfied.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Hear ye. Hear ye. I finished a book

The Gathering Storm - by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson


I have been waiting for this book to be written since the last book was published in 2005. I don't know why I have been so addicted to this series since my attention span for books usually doesn't expand beyond a few thousand pages. But I love it and therefore I read it. I even got most of the Melot family hooked on them as well ... MuHA ha haha ha ha ha ha! cough cough cough. (darn asthma reeks havoc on evil laughing.) Ahem! ...Anyway, this here is my review and some thoughts and feelings, on Wheel of Time Book 12: The Gathering Storm.

I finished reading this book last night. around 9:30 pm. I have been reading it since 10/29/09 off and on in the evenings and a little during my lunch breaks. It wasn't terribly hard to set down and go do something else until I hit the Egwene chapters.

The Gathering Storm (Wheel of Time, #12; A Memory of Light, #1)As a whole, this book was pretty good. I do have some complaints about it, mainly the over use of metaphors. I think it averaged out to about one per page for the 766 pages of the novel. Oh, and SO MANY sentences that were formed as questions that I personally felt that it didn't need. It drove me crazy... this is like that. That is like this. what are the heroes to do?

Please, Please, Please find some other way to describe something other then the usage of metaphorssimiles and leading questions! I can, and I'm not even a professional writer! ugh!

There was also a lot of redundancies, one paragraph would say the exact same thing as the one above it just worded differently. Once you state the point of what you're saying, move on, it doesn't need to be repeated six times. The people reading the WOT series are smart enough to get it on the first run through.

Another thing I also hated, but can get over, is that the author re-introduced all the characters giving a brief back story to all of them taking up so much time that could have been spent furthering the plot.... but on the other hand out of the 11 previous books there were times when it became annoying when characters would appear again after 3 or 4 books of not being on screen and you have to stop and say "wait, am I supposed to know this person??" Robert Jordan believed that his readers were smart enough to figure it out, and Brandon Sanderson seems to be dumbing it all down a little too much.

For the most part I did enjoy the book. I was enthralled by White Tower plot line and the things that were revealed. This story arc above all others in all the novels has kept my attention the most. I desperately wanted the struggles to be resolved and the way it happened (finally!) was pretty good and I was satisfied. There were some nice ends to some smaller plot lines that fit into the White Tower arc, and a revelation about a certain Aes Sedai that I had pretty much put together for myself over the years.

There were some characters in the book that were a little off from how Robert Jordan had written them. Aviendha was a bit whinny for me. Perrin seemed too dismissive. Rand is just a plain ol' jerk (that's nothing new, just a different perspective of it) Thom was too broody... and even though there was ample room to let some other minor characters shine they were just kind of glazed over. I have heard a lot of complaints about Mat's character, but for the most part I found him to still be okay for the most part. But I have always thought that Mat was well written because that is the character that maybe Robert Jordan had based on himself, so having someone else come in and take over a character that was  someone else's personal image in writing it is bound to make the character different. Thus it is for all of the WOT people. They are being written by someone else so they're different because that's how Brandon Sanderson has written them.

I found the end of the book hard to read. It really lost my attention at some points and I found myself reading the same pages more then once because I just couldn't focus. I guess I just didn't really care what happened to the character at that point after all the build up and all the stupid that I read throughout the entire book. Really!?! that's it? Grr.

But like I said. As a WHOLE, I did enjoy the book. I cried a little, I laughed a little and I spent too many nights up way past the time I should have been asleep. I'm still looking forward to reading the Towers of Midnight a year from now, hopefully by the time it comes out they'll have edited out all the useless writing flaws and have a great penultimate book for us fans to read... I'm waiting.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Thursday, November 5, 2009

give me a juggernaut heart and a japanese car

The past  few days I have had an irrational desire to just put my head down and cry.
Why? I don't really know.
However, for yesterday and today I have pin-pointed my depression down to this picture:
Which I would like to discuss at length.
While the picture itself is masterfully done, and has the potential for Uber-Greatness... I can't get past the shape of my arms, the belly-roll, the double chin, the lard hump on my shoulders, the dimple on my elbow, etc etc... ack! I could go on and on. I looked at this photo yesterday and nearly broke down in tears sitting at work.
I've tried to have a more positive outlook on who I am and how I'm shaped, but there comes a day or a moment when I see myself and loose all rational thought about myself and all I see are the flaws and it eats at me.
How can I be so Fat!
Is this how other people see me, or am I just overly hard on myself?
I look terrible. I feel terrible, and there are days when I can literally FEEL myself getting fatter.
Some times I get these great bursts of desire to do something - exercise, eat better, be more prayerful... but it fades, quickly. I don't know what beats me down the fastest - Lets discuss these:
  • My own lack of desire/self depreciating actions and thoughts - This, above all else, is the breaking point for all the goals I ever set and never reach. (I.e. cleaning out the second bedroom, weight loss, ladies night, more social time with family, work advancements, staying in contact with people, rebuilding lost relationships... etc. All have failed) I am the hardest on myself.
  • Lack of spousal support - Now, I'm not saying that John is mean to me, or that we have any sort of troubles in our marriage, all I'm saying is that he says he supports me and the things I want to do, but actions speak otherwise. For example, I say I'd like to go walking and he says just tell him when I'm ready, but when I do, whatever he is doing at the moment (usually video gaming) seems more important to him then walking with me.  Then there's the constant battle of he'll do this but not that. He'll eat this but not that. The "you're beautiful to me" statement at the times when I just want some understanding. He just doesn't know how it feels to be a fat girl. Plain and simple.
  • The Dark One's taint - Depression, Self-doubt, Insecurities. All tools of Satan. I know this, I hate it, but I can't seem to rise above it. I just feel defeated. I hate church. I am not a fan of serving others. I can't stand the statement "just have faith" and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, a rather bleak view.
I think Depression weighs more on my life then I ever really thought it would. And we have to admit, I have had A LOT of triggers over the past several years between the deaths in my life, job stability/satisfaction for me and/or John, the baby issues, health issues, loss of friendships. I think I have a right to feel like crap most days.
Tangent: Unfortunately for me, I was raised in a house when nothing was ever discussed and feelings, injuries, disorders, and people, were dismissed as "all in your head," or "not as bad as you think."
I never would have thought to ever go to my parents and tell them I was depressed or fat or what my actual feeling about anything were.. oh, and heaven forbid we ever approach the topic of sex. I don't know that it was actually the parents doing, or if it was a cumulative effect of being the youngest and having 5 other siblings telling me that what I liked was stupid and generally missing out on things because I was just not included. What does this do to a person? It causes them to bottle up their feelings and just let resentment build.
There are things that I just have a hard time talking about with my mother (and in general) like Infertility, depression, and how I feel. I have pushed myself to be more open with her over the past several years but it's a hard thing to do. Here I can write my thoughts and feeling on a blog for the world to read, but make me sit down with someone I love and I clam up and what's important never gets said.
I remember the first time I spoke to her after being medicated for depression. She seriously told me that I was fine and that I didn't need to be medicated. (Because THAT's what you should say to someone who has depression issues, sure.) But she's not the one who couldn't bring herself to leave the house and more often then not spent hours crying on my couch and avoiding 'real life'.  So these days when the subject of grandchildren comes up and why there is none, I try to be frank and up front with her, but she doesn't understand and can't empathize with me. She herself had more kids then she knew what to do with and spent the entire decade of the 70's in maternity clothes. I just don't think she understands me at all when it comes to the topic of infertility.
It the way I was raised has made it hard to open up and talk to people. Some days I think maybe I need counseling, but who says I'd want to talk to a counselor either.
And what is the deal with my body revolting against me. Its ovulation time I'm supposed to feel great and sexy and be more appealing to the opposite sex. I should have more energy and an increased sex drive. I should be at the peak of my womanliness. But I just feel angry and hormonal and tired and non-romantic and I have no sex drive and I just want to either cry or read a book by myself. . . tell me, how is the language my body exhibiting supposed to help in conceiving?? I'm never going to get pregnant this way.
What it all boils down to is basically  - fester fester fester, rot rot rot
I'm just sick of myself today

I'm early this year...

Christmas is coming,
The Liz is getting fat.
Please to put a penny in the poor John's hat.
If you haven't got a penny a hay penny will do,
If you haven't got a hay penny then God bless you..... 
So here is my Christmas list this year. Over all I don't find myself too wanting in 2009:
Carry your library in 10.2 ounces
Gladys Knight - One Voice:
One Voice
and one of these.... My own please, I don't want a pre-used one. Thanx.

Monday, November 2, 2009

No water for the weekend makes my plant sad.