Monday, December 29, 2008
This is the first I have read in many years and lets just say it reminded me of why I really don't read them. First of all it's about this Scottish vampire who is seeking true love, then you throw in a girl who is trying to prove that vampires exists in order to bust her best friend out of the mental institution that her crazy uncle put her in so he could inherit her 85 million dollars so she got a job working for the vampires in order to find her proof thus meeting the drop-dead gorgeous Scotsman... Add to that a shape shifting gay neighbor and some evil vampires and some sex and :POOF: you've got yourself the makings of a smut novel.
On the whole it's okay. I mean it can't have been that bad for me to have ready it completely in like 2 days because that hardly ever happens lately. And it made me laugh at how absurd the whole plot was, but for a romance novel I think it may have been one of the better ones I have read.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
So, What's Up?
With my best friend offering to do anything and my older sister offering me her eggs All I need to do is get John tested and we're good to go :)I start month 2 of Clomid today. woo hoo all aboard for another month of emotional roller coaster rides. John loves that. I have actually started charting my fertility with a website called fertilityfriend.com which has been really interesting. I have learned all sorts of new and interesting things about my body functions that I have just never known before. And I also learned that I ovulate about 6 days later then I thought I was so it makes timing intercourse more useful when I actually KNOW when I'm fertile. So maybe between the two I can get what I want. If not my doctor wants John to come in for a sperm analysis before she'll give me more clomid. but then it goes to the fact that my CNM isn't a approved provider with our insurance so if I do get pregnant I have to switch doctors and I'm not really sure how to go about that because I really like Vivian. Should I tell her that I can't see her anymore or just switch doctors. I don't know.Anyway. No babies coming in June. My brother told John that he is expecting to see another baby in July (ours) because he did his duty for mom's "Christmas wish" and the rest of us failed. He even offered to draw us diagrams and get us an instruction manual if needed. Isn't he so helpful. anyway. that's my fertility story up to this point.
Dear John, Am I happy? Hmm that is a loaded question this week isn't it.
Over all, Yes I am happy. I have a wonderful husband, a job I like, 2 cats, families I love (in-laws included), a car that works, people that love me. My needs are taken care of. So yes, generally I am happy. But this week I have battling with depression that is just bringing me down.
Warning, stop reading if you are unprepared for what is causing my current bout of depression.
It's been festering for a few months and I think it's triggered by babies or the lack-there-of or the fact that I'll be 30 in 60 days and I feel like I have accomplished nothing of worth in the past 10 years. Or maybe the fact that I can't stand how stupid my sister is being and that both of them just need to get over it and move on apology or not. I hate having to get up and go to work every morning. I hate that I'm fat. I hate that no matter what I do I don't lose weight. I feel frumpy and ugly. I feel like I have nothing of value to talk to people about so I avoid conversations. I feel like I'm not smart enough or good enough and that I don't really belong anywhere. I hate people. I hate public places. I hate having to live up to everyone else's standards, and because I can't, I feel like a failure so I avoid eye contact so I don't have to acknowledge other people's judgment. I feel like I'm a failure in most everything I do. I feel completely abandoned and betrayed by the fact that the best friend I ever had has turned her back on me and blamed me for her problems when all I ever did was love her for who she was and wanted nothing but her happiness. I just want my best friend back because I'm too bitter and angry too go out and find a new one. I often feel that my brain is trapped inside a plastic helmet so everything is there and I can see it and once in a while I can touch it but for the most part everything is foggy and blurry and all my memories are vague and noncoprial to the point where it really doesn't seem like me at all and my past life is just a dream. I can remember being fun and active and talkative but it seems like that is another person that I never was. I hate admitting it to myself that I'm depressed because that makes me feel like less of a person too. Please don't tell me that it's okay and that you're the only friend I need and all your other usual attestations of how great and wonderful I am because that just invalidates my feelings and some days makes me feel worse because I don't feel like I'm all those things. I love you, and depression is just depression and I either need to be medicated (which I don't want to be) or just allowed to lay in bed for a few days with a blanket over my head and I'll be better on the other side of it.
So now that I've poured my heart out to you about what's really going on inside my head I want you to know that I think you're a wonderful husband and that you do so much for me and I love everything about you. You take very good care of me and I know how hard you are trying to be better and to be the husband that you think you should be and I love you for that and appreciate all your hard work. Thank you for loving me so much. I have been doing my best to be undepressed this last week to so that you could be unhappy and as you always tell me we both can't be unhappy at the same time.
I love you. I'm ending my novel here.
I understand the crazy hormones... that truly does suck. My brain has been very fuzzy this week as I'm trying to fight off a cold that is fighting back. I had 100mg Clomid this month and that has thrown me for a wild ride. Aside from the super hot flashes I have had a migraine since I finished my dose. And then on top of that I have family issues and sickness and it's all just combined to make me depressed. Ugh! I hate that. Then on top of all that it had been "Power Week" for the past 9 days but according to my temperatures I have not ovulated yet so we must continue and that is so not fun when one is sick and depressed. Who's stupid idea was this anyway?? oh that's right, mine. I have no one to blame but myself. Heck I'd like to accomplish something before I turn 30 in 59 days and I thought that being pregnant (at least) could be my accomplishment. After this month though my doctor refuses to give me more medication until I go in to see her AND get john's sperm analyzed but sadly neither of us want to go in. When I go in she's just going to refer me to a Fertility Specialist which my insurance DOES NOT cover and the fertility specialist will tell me to start temping and run a series of stupid tests that I believe have already been done and that is just a waste of energy for me. Bleh. Maybe I don't want kids after all. They're too much of a bother. If it's this hard to get one when the crack whore down the street can pop 'em out like bunnies maybe I'm just not meant to have any. Okay, this has turned into a depressive rant so I'll stop now. Like I said, I'm sick and depressed and I'm never fun like this.
I'm 24 days past ovulation and haven't had my period yet and am not pregnant so I am currently on a progesterone supplement and then once my period comes I have one more month of 100mg clomid before I have to go see an actual OB/GYN since my current doctor is only a Midwife. So no babies for liz :(I had never really thought that this would be such a struggle, but it's wearing on me. Maybe if I could just accept the fact that that John and I may never have kids I'd just end up pregnant. But being a mom is the only thing I have ever wanted to do in my life and it's hard letting go of my one life's wish. Bleh.
Another One Rides the Bus
My sister-in-law scheduled the birth of her first baby for next Tuesday. I am so done with her being pregnant. She is the most whinny pregnant woman I think I have EVER met. All I have heard for the last nine months is how miserable she is and how horrible it is to be pregnant. My personal favorite is when she turns to me and says "when you are pregnant you are going to be so miserable" or "When you're pregnant you'll ... " blah blah blah. How the hell does she know how I'll be when I'm pregnant or how I'LL feel when I'm pregnant. I hate how she is the authority on all things pregnancy now that she has carried ONE baby. I can't wait to see the nervous break down she has after having the baby and realizing that pregnancy was probably the easy part.Aside from her whining about not doing anything because "I might go into labor" I'm so sick of how she just happens to rub in the fact that she no longer has to work and that she gets to be a stay at home mom and how great and wonderful she is and how perfect she is. Arrrrgh! And I thought it was just annoying when she just rubbed in the things she had that we didn't and now it's rubbing in that she has a baby and I don't. I am so sick of her.Somewhere deep inside me I want to be so happy for her and I want to be joyous and share in her baby and my new niece, but I'm really just full of rage mixed with a large helping of -I Don't Care Anymore- My 30th birthday is in 27 days and I am so sad that I haven't had the chance to be a mommy yet and I hate the pills and the waiting and all the stress and tears. I would just like to start my family and get on with the rest of my life. Here I am 51 days since my last period and frustrated as Hell that I have no pregnancy and no period ... but wait, I'm finally spotting so maybe AF will pop by for a visit in a few days. Then it's time to start again.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The following is a list of items I'd like to have magically appear beneath my Christmas tree this year. It's okay if you leave them at my mom's house too, she knows where I live. I do however realize that the recession may be hitting the north Pole too, but I believe that the Magic of Christmas is really what builds what we want and not really the money that it says they cost in the store. That said, here is my list.
Thanks Santa, and have a safe flight.
I'd like a nice armoire for the second bedroom. Since there is no closet in there I'd like the extra storage.
I'd like a fancy iHome. This would have been handy last week at john's work party where the only Christmas CD was MP3's only and wouldn't play in a standard CD player. If only I'd had this I could have pull out my iPod and saved the day.
8G iPod Nano 4th Generation. Purple is nice, but I'd really like a Red one. My current iPod is only 4G and I'd like the extra memory.
I'd like a pair of these Doc Martin shoes. Size UK 6 please.
Two Tickets to Wicked please. Any Night. If I had tickets I'd go.
I'd like my very own robot companion to do my work for me. It needs to be fully functional with a good typing skills and organization. Important: Must be destructible just in case something goes wrong.
One of these would be nice too, but I'd like one of my own so don't go stealing someone else's just to put it under my tree. Most mothers frown on that.
or, I could just settle for one of these:
Monday, December 8, 2008
Dec 08, 2008
Emotionally you should be feeling strong today, dear Capricorn, although you may find that there is an idea running through your head that is asking you to slow down and take things one step at a time. The internal dialogue could drive you crazy if you are not careful. The most important thing for you to do at this time is simply to follow your heart. Do what you love to do, and associate yourself with the people you love and respect the most.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Dec 05, 2008
A group with which you are associated could bring information to your attention that puts you in a very positive frame of mind and almost has you skipping all the way home. You should enjoy socializing today, dear Capricorn, as you are even more gregarious than usual and both old and new friends could seek out your company. A victory of some kind has come your way, which contributes to your great mood. Enjoy your day.
If I was to bring up a law suite regarding my inability to drive into work due to the detrimental nature of my commute who would I sue? The state? UDOT? Highway Patrol? or do I take down every license plate number that nearly kills me and sue them all as individuals? There is something to ponder.
This morning driving into work the average speed through
What has gotten me on this topic this morning??
Well, let me tell you about our drive to work this morning. Heading southbound on I-15 through
When the HOV lane finally broke to allow passing, before John to move over, Dumb Ass in his large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC flies into the other lane and then cuts back in front of us narrowly missing the front end front end of our car. THEN, he slams on his breaks.
Side note: People don’t realize that if they are playing the “who values their car more game” John and I would just love to have someone hit us to take this current problem off our hands.
OMG! REALLY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?
Finally having the ability to move into the other lane John speeds back up to traffic and again, Dumb Ass in his large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC pulls up beside us and not only swerves towards us, but the passenger shines a flashlight out the window into John’s face, and again I say: Because BLINDING other drivers is apparently a good idea while driving at high speeds. He does this for several minutes and John slowed down a bit just to let the Ass in the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC pass but that apparently wasn’t good enough for the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC so he would slow down or speed up to match our speed.
This is where I had it. I wrote down the morons Utah License Plate # A20 6AC and description of the truck and called the Utah Highway Patrol. I honestly think the Dispatcher on the phone was just patronizing me, but she said she put a bulletin out on the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC for Reckless Driving, and IF they could catch him they’d give me a call.
I honestly have no faith in the UHP. The last Trooper we had to deal with was such a jerk to my husband and treated us like criminals when we were the MIDDLE car in an accident. I hate them and hope that I never have to deal with another.
I don’t think any UHP officer is going to even try to locate the large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC and give it a citation for trying to kill me this morning. Where are they in
Maybe (and that’s a big maybe) if the UHP would crack down and pull over EVERY possible person they could more people would be a little more considerate and try to slow down a little. Sure, it took me getting 6 speeding tickets to get it through my head, but sometimes it takes more then once.
So if anyone comes across a large, white, Dodge Big Horn 4X4 Extended Cab Pickup Utah License Plate # A20 6AC feel free to run them off the road for me, they probably deserve it.
John should have just slammed on his breaks that way he would have been ticketed we could have gotten a new car, and I’d get retribution for someone really pissing me off this morning.
Helpful information – These Phone #’s are now stored in my phone for future use, maybe you should put them in yours too:
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
How did I like the book? Meh.
I don't like the author, but the story itself is good. There is so much I could complain about this book but I wont... or if I do I'll do it at a later date.
I’ll just say this:
I wish my parents owned their own publishing company so I could publish crap too.
I think I'll scream if I have to see the word Impregnate or Gore again. Please. Mr. Paolini... Don't use your thesaurus so much OR at least use a different word. Just use words that us stupid people can understand.
Other words he could have used instead of Impregnate and or Impregnable
and really!? Does EVERYTHING have to be covered in gore? How about just plain old blood or flesh wound … anything.
The switching between character point of view didn’t really get on my nerves until the end of the book with Orimis and his dragon. Bleh. Just get it over with already.
And Christopher Paolini has apparently never had to deal with a pregnant woman to see how quickly Katrina’s pregnancy is progressing. It seemed to me like the entire book took just over a few weeks from the beginning to end. Not many women I know know they’re pregnant 3 days after the fact and even less who have expanding waist lines within the first three weeks. Ack!
It's just one of those series' that I have to finish like it or not. Ugh!